Do you have an Inner Bully?

No doubt you are familiar — on some level — with bullying from others.  I am not going to tackle that subject here because it is such a big one and I wouldn’t be able to do it justice.  However, what I do want to write about is your inner bully.

We all have one – some people may call it the inner critic, gremlin, inner tormentor, inner committee.  No matter what you name it, it is that voice in your head that says things like:  “You aren’t good enough”, “What were you thinking?”, “Are you crazy”? And all the other things you have said to yourself that do nothing but beat yourself up.

I’ve been intrigued with this inner bully for a while.  I’ve been a victim of it.  I have said things to myself that I would never say to another person.  And I know from working with my private clients that others do it too.  Why?  Well, lots of reasons… but the one I want to address is the need to preserve ourselves; to protect ourselves from fear of failure or even success.

Women are especially hard on themselves.  Women in business are even more so.  We say things like, “You are so stupid; who would hire you?”  Or “Who do you think you are?  You’ll never get any clients.”  This inner bully does nothing but cause inner pain and turmoil.  But it also keeps us safe.  And if we are safe, we can’t fail… or succeed, as the case may be.

For whatever reason, humans get comfortable with what they know.  Fear of failure and success can be scary.  If we upset the balance of our life, others might challenge us and no one likes confrontation (or at least from what I see they don’t).

Yet we all want so much more.  To have a great business; a fun job; to be thin, healthy and fit; to enjoy life.  So then, it’s important to mute our inner bully and raise the volume of the inner supporter.  We need to set goals — and timelines for reaching those goals — to get those fabulous clients, that great job, lose that weight and have the life we deserve.  It’s just waiting for us to grab it!