In last month’s article I promised to give you several tips to break your patterns and start recognizing when is when.

We talked about knowing when is when, and though that is a great start it isn’t enough.  You have to actually say “No”.

That’s a scary thought for some people.  I know, it is for me too.  But here is the thing, if you don’t say “no” for yourself, no one else will. 

I just had a conversation with a woman I’m going to do a presentation with this fall. She said there came a time when she realized she had to decide for herself what she wanted, because giving all of her time, attention and energy to everyone else made her feel resentful, angry and sad.  She said that her life was not what she wanted it to be!  Sound familiar?

She decided to make some changes and say “no” a lot, until she felt that she had what she wanted in her life — peace, space, and happiness.  And it all started with her.  By the way she’s a mother of four and the breadwinner in her family, so before you say “I can’t do that” think again.  You most certainly can do it, but will you?

I promised that I would give you some tips and here they are:

• Remember that “No” is a complete sentence.  You just need to say it and not offer any reasons why you are saying no.
• Practice saying “no” out loud at least 100 times a day.  Yes, if you are someone who always says yes, saying no will be a challenge, I won’t lie to you.  However, you absolutely can change that pattern.  Practice saying no right now, just open your mouth and say no.  Now, didn’t that feel good?
• Create a list of what you are doing and/or said you would do.  Once you create the list, take a good look at it.  How much on it is for other people and how much is for you?  If you see that most of it is for other people, here is a great place to say no.  And that means…
• You can say no after you have said yes.  Oh the horrors!  “I just can’t!” I can hear you say.  Well, hear me say “Yes you can!”  I’ll let you work though that.  If you’d like some support, let me know because I will hold you as powerful no matter what in the fact that you can do this.

When you see that you are saying yes way too many times to too many things, stop and ask yourself “Just what am I afraid of here or what am I trying to prove?”

Remember I told you in my previous article  I’m ambitious, I like to get things done, and I like to be constantly moving forward.  Yet what I’ve done with this pattern is make myself come screeching to a halt.
I also told you that I didn’t know how I’d do with just doing one thing, and I’m happy to say that the last month has been amazing for me.  How I did it was to say NO.

Your turn!  Over the next week, say “no” 5 times and then come come back (or if you’d like to keep it private you are welcome to email me personally at kim@kimravida.com) and share how it made you feel.

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