Whose Life Is It, Anyway?

October 23, 2013 By

stamp guaranteed authenticAre you living your life the way you want to?  Before you switch to autopilot and say yes… pause and think about that question.  Are you living your life the way you really want to?  If you can honestly say yes, I congratulate you!  Yet, if you are one of many who hang their head and say “No, I’m not” then I am happy to tell you that can change.

You’re not alone.  I have worked with women who went to school for a degree they weren’t even interested in just because their parents insisted.  I have worked with women who got married to a man they didn’t love just because it was expected of them by their families.  I have worked with women who had no idea what it was they wanted, but knew they are tremendously unhappy with who they became and where they were in their lives.

This is common because most women like to please.  And if you are anything like I used to be, not pleasing someone else is so painful that you just don’t let it happen.  Yet, who suffers when you are not even trying to please yourself?  You are!

First, you need to understand you are entitled to have the life you want; a life which is agreeable to you and supports you and your desires.  You just have to take the action to get it.

The first step is a matter of knowing who you are.  And that might be really hard especially if you have been pretending to be someone else because you don’t even know who you are or what you want.

So, get to know who you are.  Who are you when you are being your true, authentic self?  Seems easy on the surface, right?  Not necessarily.  In order to work toward getting to know you—to really know yourself—spend quiet time alone with paper and pen to answer the following questions (schedule this on your calendar if you have to):

  • What makes me smile?
  • What excites me?
  • When do I feel the most joy?
  • What makes me feel good?
  • What are my favorite hobbies or past-times?
  • What am I really good at doing?

Don’t hold back your answers.  Let them flow.  This is for you!   However, if you feel that you are holding back, it is a telltale sign you are possibly afraid you will be judged by others.  Stop!  This is what got you in this position in the first place; it only leads to you behaving like someone else.

So now you have your true answers to the questions above.  Think about how it would feel if you pursued them and didn’t have any fear of being judged or questioned.  (Yes, you can do this. You must do this in order to have the life you really want!)

You would feel great, happy, free, liberated, justified, excited about life and maybe many other feelings, too!  And ultimately…you would now know the real you, right?

Remember, the first step to being yourself is to know yourself.  And just like when you meet someone new whose company you enjoy and want to know more about them… getting to know yourself is like gaining a new best friend. 

Let me know how you make out, and also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below or post to my Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/KimRavidaCoaching page if you are willing to share with my community.

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Wonder Why You Can’t Reach Your Goals?

July 22, 2013 By

goalThere was a long period in my life where it seemed to me I wasn’t reaching my goals.  What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was out of alignment with my values, so reaching my goals was next to impossible.  And why I didn’t realize this was because I didn’t even know what a value was!  Oh sure, I knew the ‘value’ of something I was buying:  was I getting a good value on the new car or was that a good value for the dinner I wanted.  Stuff like that.  However, I had no idea that lacking my own personal values was causing me to be so unhappy and never attaining what I wanted (aka my goals).

OK, so what is a value?  Well you know me, I like to pull out the thesaurus.  When it comes to your personal values, some of the words that come up are: importance, worth, significant, and meaning.

A personal value can easily be defined as your preferences.  I have a very high value for freedom and fun and, yes, those are my preferences.  Maybe you can relate.  I like to have fun and when I have fun, I feel really good… and since I like to feel good, fun, therefore, is important to me.  I also like not being told to do things – one of the reasons I decided to quit working for someone else and go out on my own.  I get to create the freedom I want (and really, ultimately need).

If you are having a hard time getting results and reaching your goals, check in with your values.  Chances are your values are not being met… or, like I used to be, you really don’t even know what you value.

So to give you an idea of what values are, here is a short list:

  • Compassion
  • Comfort
  • Ease
  • Energy
  • Faith
  • Freedom
  • Fun
  • Intellect
  • Love
  • Mindfulness
  • Perfection
  • Professionalism
  • Respect
  • Sharing
  • Thoughtfulness

Personal values are internal and act as a reference for what is good, beneficial, important and useful for us… no one else.  They generate behavior.  For instance, let’s say your top three values are:  fun, ease and love.  You have decided you want to get in shape.  If you incorporate your top three values of fun, ease and love into your workout plan, you can bet your behavior is going to bring you success.  You would find something you really have fun doing like taking a dance class, that fits into your schedule with ease, and you show your love for yourself (yes, you can love yourself just like you love the others in your life) by committing to going regularly.

Another example: you are a new business owner and trying to figure out how to run your business.  You value compassion, professionalism and respect.  You would set up your business by creating systems that support your top three values.  To satisfy your value of compassion, you would speak kindly to your prospective and/or current clients.  Your value of professionalism would show up in being timely with invoices, paying bills and returning calls/emails.  Your value of respect shows your clients that you have a high opinion of them and you genuinely care and are authentic.  As a business owner, these all will lead to prospective clients getting to know, like and trust you.  Not only are you able to help more people, but you are able to generate more income all while honoring your values.  It’s a win/win situation all around.

Once you know your values, your life becomes simply the best with grace and ease and you find that you are in a flow.  You get what you want quickly and your goals get accomplished faster.  Everything comes easy.  And one other thing happens, you know what goals you want to work on and how you are going to reach them!

You know I love to hear your success stories, and this one is no different.  I would love for you to shoot me an email or share on my Facebook page.  I always love that because then you get to help others just by sharing your success!  Also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , ,