Bring More Peace and Calm into Your Life

November 6, 2014 By

Business woman in office isolated on whiteWhy is it some people can effortlessly get things done and are always prepared ahead of time while others (like me) get stressed out at the last minute?

I think back to a trip I took with my husband. When we were packing (mind you, he packed most things a week in advance), he was easily folding and putting things in his suitcase and I was racing around up to the attic and going through the closets to find my stuff. When we got to the airport, why was he not paying the extra $50.00 because his suitcase was overweight? And when we got to the hotel, why does he not have nine pair of shoes lined up in the hotel room? I over packed…again. I won’t even tell you about our first trip away, but I will tell you that one moment I had my passport in my hand and the next it was gone. Talk about stress!

It’s kind of a phenomenon for some of us. We get stressed out, while others remain calm. I’ve always wanted to be the calm one but I continually find myself being the stressed one. This got me thinking: why am I this way? I want to be composed, easily pack, and be ready ahead of time before the driver shows up to drive us to the airport.

I was curious and I wanted to find the answer for myself, so I decided to observe and talk to people who I thought were always cool, calm and collected and see what they did. Here is what I learned and what I hope to put into practice immediately to bring more peace and calm into my life; maybe it can help you too:

  • They know what they need to do and they do it. They keep a list and then they schedule when they will do things.
  • They stay focused on the task and finish what they started.
  • They have a great sense of time and use it accordingly (meaning, they don’t waste the time they have designated running off to do another thing while they are in the middle of doing something else).
  • They are organized.
  • They say ‘no’ and mean it. (My husband does this well, much to my annoyance especially when I want him to do something.)

There are two things that I know I will struggle with. The first is using time accordingly – I hate to admit it but I have that Bright Shiny Object Syndrome and often will start on thing in one room and then find myself in another room doing something completely different. Then the next thing I know, I have to move on to something else and the only thing I’ve managed to do is make a mess and cause myself stress! The second is saying ‘no’.

Yet, as I write this I think, what if I embrace saying ‘no’ to all the nonsense I do that brings me stress? Could it be that by saying no to stress I will be saying yes to calm? I don’t know, but I sure am willing to give it a try!

 

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , , , ,

Do you think about money?

October 9, 2014 By

Piggy BankI’m pretty sure you do.  However, how do you think about money?  Are you someone who thinks about it positively or are you constantly thinking “I don’t have enough”?  It’s important because how you think about money will lead to the actions you will take (or not) around money.

There’s much out there written on your relationship with money.  Why?  Because many of us have a negative relationship with money and, hence, we have lots of debt and no money.  We spend more than we save and we have challenges being self-supporting on what we make.

You know the old rule of spending less than you make, but do you do it?  I didn’t.  And guess what? I was trapped in the loop of never having enough.  I always had to pay the credit card or loan… and let me tell you it’s a challenge to get out of that loop.  The interest on those credit cards kill you.  Just when I celebrated paying off a credit card, I’d get a bill that said I owned more!?  Say what??  That can’t be!  I called, I asked for the payoff figure, I paid it off.  Oh, but alas, there is that dreaded interest rate that just keeps on adding up.

So then how do we create a solid money relationship?  We need to do several basic things.  Notice I said basic, I did not say easy.  But then again, anything worth going for is never easy; there is always some skin in the game, sacrifices, dedication and hard work to be had.

Here are a few must dos in order to begin to create your own solid, positive relationship with money.

  1. Spend less than you make.  Yes, there it is.  In order to do this, add up all of your monthly, bi-monthly, quarterly and yearly expenses and get a clear picture of what you pay out.  Then add up your income.  If the income is more than the expenses, awesome, go on to number three but if not…
  2. Cut expenses.  Truly ask yourself what is essential to live (in other words what do you have to have) and what is optional.  Guess what?  Cable TV is NOT essential, nor is dinner out every night, take out, etc.  Get rid of non-essential expenses so that income is more than your expenses.
  3. Track your income and expenses on a monthly basis.  Use pen and paper or any electronic means that makes sense to you – if you can have this process be fun, even better!  It is exciting once you start to see your expenses going down and more money in your pocket.
  4. Get support and encouragement.  It’s not easy to make these changes on your own; if you could have you would have by now.  Have your spouse/significant other on board with you.  Ask a trusted, money-savvy friend or someone else you know to help you get started creating solid, positive money goals.

Keep in mind that there are more things you can do.  However, if you begin with this list, it’s a great place to start.

If you would like more information and steps to take, feel free to reach out to me.  If you want to know your money archetypes, send me an email at kim@kimravida.com with “archetype assessment” in the subject line. I’ll give you the assessment and a free session to go over what it means for you and how you can use them to improve your relationship with money!

Filed Under: Money Habits Tagged With: , , , ,

Do you have an Exit Strategy?

September 25, 2014 By

Problem solvingIf you said yes, then you are more than likely someone who is fantastic at planning and flexibility.  If you said “I don’t even know what you mean,” then let me explain.  An exit strategy is something that you put into place long before you need it. 

Before I left my corporate job, I knew I was not going to another job but to start my own coaching business.  So my exit strategy included saving as much money as I could to grow my bank account to where I would feel comfortable paying the bills without having the consistent income coming in that I had with a job.  I saved enough money to be able to live my life as I began building my business.

I also paid off any credit card balances, my car, and any other financial obligations that I had.  I made sure that I was solvent before I jumped ship.  I knew exactly what I needed to have and to do in order to leave my job and take the leap of faith into being an entrepreneur.  Oh and that included knowing that I needed training in order to embark on my great big adventure of being a coach and helping others live really fabulous lives.  I had my ducks in a row (you may have heard the saying).  That is what I mean by an exit strategy.

We all need exit strategies.  Gone are the days of security.  One never knows what will happen around the corner.  You might work for a company for a long time and then one day BAM, you get laid off and you learn the company is bankrupt.  You didn’t have anything to do with that but you are, nonetheless, the victim of someone else’s choices.  But do you have to be?

Not if you have an exit strategy.  If you are always looking to take care of yourself and your livelihood, and making sure that you are on top of what it is you will do next, then you are never a victim.

I use an amazing Energy Level Assessment with my clients and find that many are constantly living in a Level 1 which is that of victim.  They are living by the effect of what goes on in their lives, not the cause.  No wonder they feel depressed, sad, and think “Why bother?”  They are like a rock at the shore, being pulled out and pushed back in again.  That is no way to live and you don’t have to.

The best time to make your exit strategy is before the exit.  So here are several steps for you to begin planning your own exit strategy – no matter what you are exiting.

  1. Know that you are great and wiser than you think.  Take a moment and think of a time when you felt like you were down and out.  Maybe it was at the beginning of your business or a new job.  Now think about an experience that had you feeling pretty amazing about yourself.  Maybe you spoke up for yourself or what you believed in.  See, there it is, your greatness.
  2. Trust that you will always know what is best for you.  This one is a leap of faith for some.  But you truly do know what is best for you.  Stop asking other people what you should do and start asking yourself.  Once you do, listen to what you hear back.  There is no other you, because there doesn’t need to be, you are the best of you.
  3. Create a plan for your future.  Do a few ‘what if’ scenarios.  What if I needed money today?  What if you were to lose your job today?  What if you had to take a pay cut?  What if… you fill in the blanks because it’s your exercise.  I focused on money but the ‘what ifs’ are endless.

The idea of the exit strategy is so that you have a prepared roadmap of what you will do IF ____  happens.  You are in the driver seat and you get to say the direction you will go. You’re not leaving it up to chance or hope.  You are stating this is what you will do so that you are not caught off guard and the victim.  You will be the victor of your life and that gives you both feelings of control and confidence.

An exit strategy gives you back the power.  So if you do get laid off or whatever happens to you, you’ll be able to say, “Ok, NEXT.”

Now I’m sure that I’m not the only one that had an exit strategy or had to come up with one fast.  If you have a story to tell, please feel free to share either by sending me a personal email at kim@kimravida.com or post on my blog!

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , , , , ,

Do you like prizes?

September 12, 2014 By

Jubilant womanDo you like prizes?  I do!  So I’m pretty sure that you do, too.  Wouldn’t life be wonderful if we received a prize every single day?  Guess what!  We can have prizes every day.  We even get to determine what the prize is.

No, I’m not crazy. What I mean is that you can determine at the beginning of every day what you want the prize to be.  Let’s say you are an entrepreneur working in (and on) your business so you have a lot of things to do.  Ask yourself what is one thing you could do today that would give you the biggest return on your efforts?  That’s your prize!  See, it’s easy.

I’ll admit that sometimes it isn’t easy determining the what.  It may take some planning and possibly some critical and creative thinking.  Let’s start with what you want for an outcome in your life.  It can be personal or professional.  I know money is a top #1 want for a lot of people – so let’s say the outcome is you want more money.  That can be the big prize.

So how do you reach the big prize?  Let’s look at a few things that you may have to do in order to have more money.

  1. Determine how much more money you want.  Yes, be specific and clear. Maybe you want another $3000 a year.
  2. Ask yourself what is it you need to do in order to have this amount of money.  You might have to start doing something (i.e. saving more) or stop doing something (i.e. eating out every day).  Only you know what it is you need to do.
  3. Once you know what it is you need to do, you then choose to do it and from there you work toward your prize.  For example, you decided to stop eating lunch out every day and instead you pack your lunch or eat at home.  Your prize each day is that saved around $10 which then moves you toward your big prize, more money.
  4. Put a timeframe on when you want the big prize. After saving $70 a week for 52 weeks you’ve not only reached your goal of $3000, but you’ve surpassed it! Whoohoo!

That’s it!  See it’s easy.  First you need to determine your prize and then you go for it.  The saying “Keep your eyes on the prize!” takes on a whole new meaning when you know what your prize is!

Filed Under: Money Habits, Personal Development, Reaching Goals Tagged With: , ,

Stress: It’s got to go!

August 14, 2014 By

To-Do List Everything Dry Erase Board Overworked StressI used to run around saying I’m so stressed out and I’m so overwhelmed. It felt terrible and I couldn’t seem to get anything done. This stemmed from my working for others as an employee for years and then I carried it over to when I began my own business. I suffered from headaches and anxiety, and I always had something happen to get in the way of what I was trying to accomplish. At work it was the computer crashed or the printer jammed. If I was driving, I hit every single red light there was and, of course, got behind the slowest driver. It was downright frustrating and annoying yet it was the way I lived my life.

One day I realized that I needed to make a change. I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was doing and nearly rear-ended the driver in front of me. I was a danger to not only myself but to those around me! I was mad at myself because this was not how I wanted to show up in my life.

And on the home front, my husband would often say “you are a mess” and he was right. I didn’t like when he said it and that was because I knew it was true. I had bruises from walking into things; the corner of the desk, the door frames, and things that just jumped out in front of me. Well, okay, so they didn’t really just jump out – I wasn’t paying attention and of course I ran into them. Doing so slowed me down… so again another example of things happening to me.
Okay, so what did I do? I decided that I needed to be present in my life because I was missing out on so much. I was always racing around from thing to thing trying to get stuff done. Some important and some not so important, but because I put it off it was usually urgent that I get it done.

It’s what transpired for me that I’d love to share with you. Here are a few steps that immediately took the edge off the anxiety and frustration I was feeling and they were easy to do. See, I knew that I needed it to be easy because, heck, I had things to do and it couldn’t be hard or else I’d feel stressed doing them. And since I was out to change that, I wanted it to be do-able.

  • I decided what I wanted to feel. I did not like feeling stressed – which meant that I felt tight, my breathing was short and my shoulders were always hunched. I thought about how do I want to feel? It was relaxed. And how to do that was to just envision feeling it at first.
  • I took 5 minutes to do nothing – and at first it was so hard. I was antsy and couldn’t sit still. So in order to actually accomplish this I told myself I would read 5 minutes of the book that I was reading at the time. I enjoyed this so much, I ended up setting the time for 30 minutes and it was the best 30 minutes of my day because it gave me that peace of mind I needed. I eventually ended up being able to sit still and quiet for 5 minutes.
  • I took things off my list of things to do. This was the hardest part yet it was the most beneficial. I’m a self-proclaimed over-achiever and put a lot on my to-do list yet I wasn’t getting to nearly half of them. So I started with the 2-3 most important things on my list and if I got those done I could do another and so on. This not only set me up to win and feel productive, but it gave me more time – which when I was under so much stress and overwhelm I never had. The outcomes were amazing and I felt so much better.

Just putting these three tips into place made my life and my business so much easier. I was no longer ‘a mess’ internally and externally, I was productive and calm. I had peace of mind and I felt so much joy and happiness. Ahhh it was — and still is — just the way I decided I wanted to feel.

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , ,

People-Pleasing Money Martyrs

July 31, 2014 By

BLOG letters on corkboardHere is a recap of my latest blogs, just in case you missed them previously!

 

Are you a people-pleaser?

Now, first I want to say that it isn’t a bad thing to want to please. It’s actually quite admirable and kind. The thing is, when you begin to tip the scale and please others first before yourself, you are on a slippery slope to self-destruction, unhappiness and misery. Oh, and let’s not forget resentment and then anger! Click here to finish reading…

 

Are you a Money Martyr?

What is a martyr? For those of you who have no idea, for our purposes here it is defined as a sufferer for a cause and a willing victim. So how does that relate to money? Well, are you settling with making less money than you want or you need to live on? Are you self-employed and are reluctant to raise your fees? Are you employed and afraid to ask for a raise or go for a promotion? Find out more by clicking this link…

 

Filed Under: Money Habits, Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: ,

Are You a Money Martyr?

July 24, 2014 By

NOT ENOUGH !!!I’m cracking myself up here – when this title came to me, I thought “I must write about it!” But wondered will anyone even know what I’m talking about? And if not, will they be curious enough to read to find out? I guess we’ll see!

So here you are reading this. Let me guess, you either are a Money Martyr or you said “What the heck is this? Maybe I am and maybe I’m not, but I’m going to find out.” So let’s begin.

What is a martyr? For those of you who have no idea, for our purposes here it is defined as a sufferer for a cause and a willing victim.

So how does that relate to money? Well, are you settling with making less money than you want or you need to live on? Are you self-employed and are reluctant to raise your fees? Are you employed and afraid to ask for a raise or go for a promotion? That means you are a willing victim, and I guess it could be defined as a sufferer for a cause.

What cause you might ask? Well, the cause of not wanting to rock the boat, or for fear of speaking up for yourself. You are afraid someone will say no, so you don’t ask.

Another example is if you never stand up for yourself when someone wants to negotiate your rates. You almost always say “Oh, okay” because you don’t want to lose out on them as a client or income. Yet, you aren’t actually getting the work you really want or the money you really want and/or need when you do that. Also you might always just say ‘yes’ because there is money involved, but not take a look to see if you are being paid what you need to make. You sell yourself out. It’s not exactly the most powerful place you put yourself in!

If you give your services and/or products away for less than what they should be sold for because you think that your clients can’t pay… you are suffering for someone else’s cause. Maybe you do a lot of pro bono work because the ‘cause’ — and in this case we mean ‘cause’ literally — is a worthy cause doing good work. One client I worked with spent so much time working for a non-profit free of charge that she didn’t have time to bring in her own new business!

A Money Martyr is someone who puts themselves last at the expense of someone or something else. And then what do you get? You certainly aren’t making the money you want, and then you get a whole lot of resentment and bad feelings about the other person and even about yourself (which in case you are wondering, can be even more detrimental to your welfare).

So you are sacrificing yourself and your earning potential for a cause? Here is an insight to try on; you can still be a part of the cause and not be the sufferer of the cause yourself.

How do you avoid being a Money Martyr?

Identify where you might be suffering for a cause or a willing victim. Determine why you are putting yourself in that position. A lot of times, there is fear involved or even feelings of self-worth. We don’t think we are worth what we are asking for so we undermine ourselves and give in. We accept less than what we want and a need to live on. Then we end up working more and feeling burnt out, stressed out and angry.

Take steps to work on your ‘why’. Get help, ask a trusted friend for assistance, hire a coach or even seek therapy. By honoring yourself and your needs, and learning to value yourself, you will no longer be a Money Martyr — or any kind of martyr for that matter — because how you do money is usually how you do everything!

Filed Under: Money Habits, Self Worth Tagged With: , , ,

Who exactly is in charge here?

July 17, 2014 By

Adhesive notesAre you a sole practitioner (aka solopreneur) working for yourself? Do you ever ask yourself the question “Who exactly is in charge here?” I know I have and so have my clients!

As a matter of fact, I asked myself this question just recently when I realized that my schedule was running the show. It was prompted by a call I had with my accountability partner; she asked me what I had on my calendar and task list. As I began to read off everything to her, I realized I had a lot of stuff that I wanted to do one day yet was not supporting me today. They were causing me to feel stressed out and as if I wasn’t getting anything done!

And then it began… with a sweep of a mouse and a click, I deleted 10 tasks right then and there while we were on the phone. After the call I decided to do what I knew needed to be done. I moved what wasn’t a high priority to a main list, and then used that list to put what I wanted and needed to do onto my schedule. Because it felt so good, I decided to do the same thing with several things in my personal life, too!

What I asked myself was “Is this a want to do now or a want to do some day?” If it was a ‘now’, then I scheduled it. If it was a ‘some day’, I then asked myself “If it is a ‘some day’, will I really do it?” and if the answer was no – I deleted it or threw it out. If it was a yes, I put it in a place where I could see it again at another point in time. It was liberating and freeing… and all of a sudden I wasn’t weighed down anymore!

So, my friend, that leads me to this question, Where are you holding yourself back from completion?

The other thing my accountability partner and I talked about was how we spent a lot of time planning and not so much execution. Therefore we committed to each other to spend 10% on planning and 90% on execution. I can say “So far, so good” on that one. I’m feeling pretty good about myself, let me tell ya!

I realize now that I wasn’t in charge of anything, I was allowing other people to set my schedule; when they were available, I would be too even if it meant that I put off something I needed to get done. I allowed tasks to rule what I was doing without prioritizing or even asking if the task was moving me toward my goal, backward or in a holding pattern. I wasn’t clear; I just was doing stuff because I felt that I needed to be doing it and not question it.

I’m far smarter now and have a clearer strategy, yet I can get caught off-guard too. Here are several tips for you to be in charge of your life, your schedule and you to-dos!

  • Be clear about why you want to do something. Do you know your why? Why are you going to do this task, what will you gain from it, it is something that will move you forward in your business and/or in your life? Those inquiries are key; otherwise you will end up doing things willy-nilly and then wonder where all your time went.
  • Is this something that needs to be done now or later? If it is a ‘now’, then schedule it into your calendar and then do it. Honor the time that you chose to complete your task. If it is a ‘later’ and you are clear about why you want to do it, put it on a some day list or maybe list, but don’t allow it to take charge.
  • Be real with the delete key. Is this something that you really need and/or want to do? If the answer is ‘no’, then delete it or throw it out. Holding onto something that you really don’t need to do or want to do is a surefire way to keep yourself in overwhelm, stressed out and absolutely frustrated. Let it go! Trust me on this one. There will be other things that come to you which will be a perfect fit.

Don’t allow your to-dos, calendar appointments and other people’s priorities to be in charge of you and your business. You are the one in charge of you, your schedule and your results. Just make sure you are working on the right results!

Have a thought, comment or suggestion? Please feel free to share either by sending me a personal email at kim@kimravida.com or comment below!

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Are you a people pleaser?

July 10, 2014 By

Happy couple looking at each other while stretching in the parkIf you said no, congratulations! If you said yes, well, you can always change.

Now, first I want to say that it isn’t a bad thing to want to please. It’s actually quite admirable and kind. The thing is, when you begin to tip the scale and please others first before yourself, you are on a slippery slope to self-destruction, unhappiness and misery. Oh, and let’s not forget resentment and then anger!

Okay, so now that you know what happens when you don’t put your oxygen mask on yourself first (besides ending up being asphyxiated with smoke and then the person you were trying to help suffers the same fate) it’s time to look at caring for yourself first.

Oh, I know what you are thinking! You believe that taking care of yourself first is selfish. Wrong! Yet how can you truly and honestly have the energy to care for (read: help, aid, support, encourage) others, when you’re dragged out, irritable or stressed? You can’t. That’s it, end of argument. You don’t even have to think about it anymore.

I’m not advocating you tell everyone in your life: “Hey, listen up, you are all on your own, I’m no longer available to do things for you.” But I am suggesting that you take some time for yourself. You need to be yourself, do for yourself, and enjoy things you like to do and without feeling that someone else might be mad.

This goes for all of you – and you know who you are and your role. It goes for the care-givers in families and in the workplace. It goes for women and men.

By taking leave of yourself and your self-care and giving it all over to another, is not — and I’m going to repeat — is not going to make you a better person. To be a better person to another, you need to be a better person to yourself first.

Remember, you are the only YOU you have, and you are the only YOU your loved ones have, so what will it be? Will you honor yourself just like you honor others? I hope so. You are worthy of it and I’m willing to bet that your loved ones think so too!

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , , ,

Leadership and Pleasing Outcomes

June 26, 2014 By

BLOG letters on corkboardToday I share my blog posts that you might have missed over the past few weeks. They are insightful and though-provoking. You know I like to inspire action and change!

Are you a leader?
What is leadership? Well, lots of people think it means leading others. But did you know that we lead ourselves too? You can only lead others successfully if you lead yourself well first. Click here for steps to guide and direct others so that you are in a leadership role in your work.

Create outcomes that are both pleasing and stress free!
Instead of living your life by the seat of your pants and reacting to all that happens to you – be in the driver’s seat and create outcomes that are both pleasing and stress free. Create a back-up plan; that “what if” plan. Be prepared and you’ll find that when your day throws you a curve ball, it can actually be quite enjoyable and fun. Continue reading here.

 

Filed Under: Personal Development, Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , ,
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