What Happens When You Create Roadblocks

April 9, 2014 By

lotus flowerIf you watched the Olympic Men’s Short Program, you saw American Jeremy Abbott take a bad fall off his quad toe loop and lay on the ice for what seemed like hours!  In the end he did get up and he attacked the ice like there was no tomorrow.  He told the reporter he felt the audience cheering him on and that is how he was able to get up and finish his program and pretty much put in a solid performance from that point on.  You could see the determination on his face, in fact.  He then went on to skate an amazingly strong, both physically and mentally, long program.  You could almost feel that he had released the stress and worry and all that he had been carrying before the fall.

So what happened?  He stepped outside himself and just allowed the skating to happen.  He wasn’t thinking, he wasn’t calculating, he wasn’t pushing, he wasn’t doing.  He was allowing.  It is in the allowing that the flow comes.  As a mentor, coach and motivator (and former adult figure skater) I knew the moment he stepped out onto the ice for the beginning of his short program that he was in his head.  He was thinking, figuring and he was pushing – he was worrying “what if I fall, what if I don’t do well, what if I make a mistake.”  And what happened? Yet after the mistake, he didn’t have to worry about making one.  He just had to go on and do.

It’s in the doing that we reach our success and get what we want.  When we are in our heads, we can’t let go and allow things to happen.  Are you guilty of doing this?  When have you disappointed yourself because you held back by being in fear and worry and self doubt?

As humans we spend too much time in fear, worry and self-doubt!  We spend so much time – waste it really – thinking about doing things and not actually doing them.  I know this because lots of my clients struggle with this and once they have broken through and actually done what they wanted to, they are so astounded by the feelings of accomplishment.  They’re so pleased with themselves that it spurs them on further to try new, exciting opportunities.

In high school I was upset because my hair wouldn’t behave, and it was taking me forever to get ready to go out with my best friend.  I said “I look terrible” and she said “No, you look pretty.  And and don’t take this the wrong way, but not everyone is going to be thinking about you.”  On the surface it could have been a catty remark, but I knew it wasn’t.  She was my best friend and I trusted her word.  It was the wakeup call I needed.  I was putting a lot of pressure on myself which was causing me to be in my head and not out living.

When we let perfectionism and fear of failure get in our way – whoa, it is a recipe for inertia and disaster.  I think what happens to a lot of people is we get caught up in the absolute end result and what we actually want and how we want it, instead of the journey of it and the delightful unexpected experiences we get to have along the way.  I live by the saying “There Are No Mistakes” and that in every moment there is an opportunity to have a breakthrough and to grow and live my life in such vibrancy and joy.  There is such possibility in everything we do, imagine what would happen for us if we just let go of our fear.

Here are several tips for you:

  • Be your best supporter!  When you think highly and positively of yourself, then you feel great inside and you have the courage and confidence to undertake anything you want.
  • Trying trumps inaction every time.  Break things down to small tasks.  Taking one small step, no matter what it is, will be the start of something great.  Getting caught up in thinking it’s going to be such a big task will keep you in inertia every time.
  • There are no mistakes.  Look at things that happen in your life as experiences and ways to learn and grow and live.  To live vibrant and joyfully means to do, be, have.  You must do things to have experiences and you must be in order to do.

How can you support yourself?  How can you begin to take small action steps?  Where will your learnings come from?  Hopefully not from others!

Please feel free to share either by sending me a personal email at kim@kimravida.com or post below here on my blog!

Filed Under: Reaching Goals, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Do you have it?

April 3, 2014 By

money down the drain (640x480)Money, that is.  Or are you wondering where it went?  Where does the money go?  Did it go out the window?  Down the drain?  Was it stolen?  Do you know where your money goes?  If you said yes – congratulations… err maybe.  Do you really know where it goes?  Do you track it or do you just know it goes out to pay bills?

Why am I talking about this?  Because it has recently come to my attention that many people are living blindly.  They have no idea how much money they bring in and worse, how much they send out.

Recently I worked with a client who realized with much dismay and discomfort that more money was going out than coming in and the reason it wasn’t noticed was because credit cards were bridging the gap, which of course caused more stress and anxiety.

Well then, there it was out in the open, she now knew exactly how much money came in and went out.  This knowledge first made her sad, then afraid.  See, she thought she had enough money.  Yes, this knowledge was stressful and scary but once she saw it she was relieved.  Every month she dreaded paying her bills and looking at her checking account because underneath everything she knew she didn’t have enough, she only ‘pretended’ to have enough.  Yet a funny thing happened.  After seeing the figures, she realized that she was no longer at the effect of this but could be at the cause.  She could take steps to release the stress and worry and begin to have enough!  It was a beautiful thing to watch and experience with her.

She had stuck her head in the sand and hoped it would go away… and it didn’t, it only got bigger.  The more she ignored it the bigger it got and the more afraid she became.  The day she found out exactly how much money was coming in and going out was the day everything changed.  She put steps in place to change her behaviors and began really paying attention to her money situation.  She is now making and saving money, paying down debt and feeling great.  She knows exactly what her figures are and she knows she wants to feel empowered rather than afraid.

I’ve been writing a lot on the subject of money.  It’s because it is a hot topic!  The beauty of knowing where your money goes is that you now have a say in it.  Money doesn’t just walk out the door – though it may feel that way.  You have control over it.  Here is your chance to be in control!  Go for it, what do you have to lose?  More money that’s all!  And you have everything to gain, money especially.

I want to teach you how to use your archetypes (don’t worry, I’ll explain what those are) to your advantage so you stop doing the things that sabotage your efforts to grow your money tree! If you are interested, click here for more info.

Filed Under: Money Habits Tagged With: , ,

Do you like your box?

March 27, 2014 By

Woman in red in box.jpgI just came back from a trip to Aruba.  I’ve been there before and love it so much, I’ll go again.  I’ve stayed at the same hotel the past five times but this trip I was at a different hotel.  That’s because my regular hotel — the one I liked and felt comfortable at — closed!  Oh the horrors!  So I put on my big girl pants and embarked on a trip that felt “normal” and comfortable but would be different.

It occurred to me that the same ole same ole, while it is comforting, can work to my disadvantage by keeping me in a comfort zone — aka a box!  I hate being in the box.  But I like my box!  Yet it also means that I’m not living my life and seeing and doing new things!  How did this happen?  Well, for one, I was happy at the hotel I stayed at.  I knew the people and what I’d get, and I liked that.  AND guess what?  That is a good thing.  Just like I create the “know, like and trust factor” for my clients.  Once they get to know me, they like me and then they trust me and stay with me, investing in themselves and getting great results and support.

So then how is this different?  It isn’t really.  My hotel created an experience that I really enjoyed and, truth be told, if it was still open I’d have stayed there this time!  I was happy there, I liked it there and I got what I wanted there.  Just like my clients stay with me.

What I noticed was that the idea of the change was something I didn’t like.  It was because I had to stay at a different hotel; it wasn’t my choice.  I hate that!  Don’t you?  Yup, there it is!  It’s the fact that I didn’t have control of the change.  I had to do it.

Thinking about this though, I see that there is value in having to make a change in your life.  It means that you must come out of your box and do something different.  I know from experience that there is such growth and happiness in coming out of the box and doing something new.

I have a few tips for you as you either choose change (i.e. get out of your box) for yourself or find yourself in a situation such as mine:

  1. There are no mistakes.  If you embrace it, you will soon see that no matter what it is that changes for you, there are opportunities for you to see something different, experience something new and become a more diverse individual.
  2. Every experience is an opportunity for a new beginning.  If you look at change as an opportunity then it no longer is a negative experience.  This viewpoint gives you the chance to behave differently and have an amazing outcome.  It becomes positive and increases the likelihood of having it turnout even better than you imagined.
  3. Embrace change.  Fighting it creates stress and frustration.  Embracing change gives you peace of mind.  And as mentioned above, the opportunity for having an outcome better than you imagined is possible when you embrace change.

In case you are wondering, I had a fabulous time.  I met amazing people whom we wouldn’t have met if we had been at the other hotel.  I got out of my comfort zone and had to navigate the new hotel.  My eyes were fresh, I was more alert and reminded that when I get out of my box, my world is so much more exciting and so much more fun!  Since I’m all about having fun, it’s a great reminder!

Let me ask you this: if you were to let go and trust that things will work out exactly as they are supposed to, wouldn’t you feel more relaxed?  Wouldn’t you be open and receptive to what comes to you?  I think you would.  I’d love to hear your experiences, please feel free to write me personally or post your comments below!

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

How do you handle money?

March 21, 2014 By

smile with cash 2174In response to that question, did you say “Often” or did you say “What money?”  When I ask this question of my clients, I get a lot of unique answers.  Some are so honest and heartfelt while others are quite sad.

One thing I’ve noticed is that most people handle money poorly.  Pun intended.  They have the ‘poor mentality’, which can also be known as a ‘lack mentality’.  The ‘lack mentality’ basically says “I don’t have enough so why bother”.  It is not a great place to be and it will not get you anywhere.  You find yourself with less money than you want and perhaps less than you need.  You get unexpected bills out of nowhere.  You get dragged down even further because you can’t stop thinking “Where is this money going to come from?”  You end up in an endless loop of trying to play catch up and never get caught up.

How you handle money is often how you handle everything in your life.  So if you avoid handling your money, you probably avoid doing and/or handling things in other areas of your life.  If you are late paying your bills, you probably run late for appointments.  If you forget to pay your bills, you probably forget other important dates, too.  See, if you are not handling your money from a place of control, authority or command… then other areas of your life aren’t being handled that way either.  You give up your ability to live your life powerfully, authentically and joyfully.  Yes, all from not handling your money well.

It’s an interesting concept isn’t it?  That is why I brought up the subject.  I know when I first realized that I wasn’t handling money from a positive, empowering point I discovered there were other areas in my life that I also wasn’t handling with confidence.  Once I decided (and yes, it is a decision) to handle money from a positive, empowering place — paying my bills not only on time but early, paying myself, saving money and saying no to overspending — I suddenly had more money and it feel so great!  Once I honored my money and my money habits, other areas of my life changed for the better, too.  It was so cool.

Are you ready to handle your money from a place of empowerment?  I hope so!

I’d like to teach you how to use your archetypes (don’t worry, I’ll explain what those are) to your advantage so you stop doing the things that sabotage your efforts to grow your money tree!  If you are interested, click here for more info.

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , ,

Do you have enough money?

March 13, 2014 By

Money BagWouldn’t it be great to have bags of money? That would be enough… wouldn’t it?

But what does having enough money mean to you?  Have you ever said “I just want to have enough money”?  I’m going to guess that yes, you have.  I know this because that is what my clients say to me… and most anyone I talk to says the same thing.  So my question is what does having enough money mean to you?

I ask because it means different things to different people.  For a pre-teen they might want to have enough money to buy lunch at the school cafeteria and a pack of gum at the corner store.  For a college student they might want to have enough money to buy a car and to go out and have fun in it.  For a working woman/man they might want to have enough money to pay for rent, utilities and food and have extra left for fun and shopping.  For newlyweds it might be for their first home and for a family it might be to house, clothe and feed them all and for a retired couple it might be to maintain a lifestyle.  As you can see, the answer is different for everyone.

No matter where you are it matters what enough means to you and it’s important to know exactly what enough is to you.  Many people have no idea what they need to live.  They have no idea how much income comes in and how much goes out.  In order to have enough money, you need to know your figures.  In my business I need enough money to run my business and cover my operating costs and pay myself a salary.  And I know exactly what those numbers are which makes every decision I make a confident one.

I love to share tips so here are several for you to begin your own journey to having more than enough money for living your life:

  1. Know exactly how much you bring in.  Get a sheet of paper and fold it in half.  On the left, write Income and on the right, Expenses.  Then go through your paychecks and add them up for the month (you could do the whole year but get a monthly figure first).  Write that figure down on the left side of your paper.
  2. Know exactly how much you send out.  Add up all your monthly expenses (again you can do the whole year as you probably have quarterly and yearly expenses, but let’s get that figure for the month first).  Go through them a second time, you’ll forget something – I always do.  Write that figure down on the right side of the paper.
  3. Know your bottom line.  Subtract your expenses from your income.  Hopefully you have a bigger income number than expenses number, but if you do not, don’t panic.  Take a breath and congratulate yourself for taking the time to take this first step to discovery.
  4. How to have more than enough.  If you have less income than expenses, it’s time to look at those expenses and scale back or cut some out.  Sometimes when you see your monthly expenses it is easy to know what needs to go… and sometimes it is more difficult.  Yet if you are spending more than you are earning, you need to make changes.  So get to taking things out!  Don’t confuse a want with a need: want = cable TV and need = food to eat.
  5. Give yourself credit.  It can be scary and discouraging yet you are now on the upswing.  Once you know where you stand, it will be hard to continue doing the things you had been doing that brought you to this point.  You are stronger than you think you are.  This is where you tell yourself you are happy and proud of knowing your exact figures.

I know this is not easy.  I’ve been in the “I don’t have enough money” position.   I’ve had that feeling of “Wow, I can barely feed myself let alone my pets.”  I’ve been there paying one bill I thought was more important to pay before another.  I’ve made half payments to just make sure I sent a payment.

On the flip side, I now experience the relief of knowing my bottom line and the figure that is my ‘enough money’.  I know the triumph of making choices that bring me the result I want, which is having enough money.

If you have had money struggles and overcame them, I’d love to hear how you did it.  Please post below!

Filed Under: Money Habits, Personal Development Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Would you like to have a money tree?

March 7, 2014 By

Money-treeWhen I was a little girl, my uncle had this cool thing called a ‘money tree’ – I liked the sound of that even as a kid.  Except… there wasn’t money growing on it.  That’s just weird.  Why would there be something called a money tree with no money coming from it!  I didn’t get it.

Now I know the Malabar chestnut (Pachira aquatica), is known as the ‘money tree plant’.  If you are into the Law of Attraction, it is a great thing to have because it symbolizes a money tree.  And since the Law of Attraction states “what you put your attention on, you attract”, it can serve as a reminder of money.  Who doesn’t want more money?

A money tree is a bit of a metaphor.  I grew up hearing “money doesn’t grow on trees.”  Well what if it did?  What if you had your own ‘tree’ that produced money?  What if you didn’t have to worry where money was coming from?  What if you had all the money you needed to live your life the way you wanted to?  That would feel pretty great, wouldn’t it? 

While I didn’t get the concept of a money tree not being a tree with money on it, I get that it is important to have a ‘money tree’.  Money is the cause of many people’s angst and stress.  If we can grow our own money tree, we can eliminate the feelings of worry about not having enough money to support us.  The frustration and anxiety that so often causes us to feel bad would be gone.  For some this is an especially interesting concept as they have lived all of their lives with those feelings. 

In my early years, I never really learned how to manage my money successfully.  I didn’t understand that you need to know what your outputs are in relation to what comes in.  I was taught “don’t spend it all in one place”, but that’s it.  I wasn’t taught that there was a way to handle money so you had it when you wanted and needed it.  Oh, I handled money okay, a lot of it and it always was going out.

I learned by reading, taking classes and doing some trial and error experiments.  It wasn’t until I took a course that taught me how my money archetypes played a big role in my money success — and how they also held me back — that I began to understand what I had been doing wasn’t getting me where I wanted to be.  Then I learned what to do that would.

So if you aren’t happy with your lack of a money tree, it’s time to start growing your own!

I’m teaching a course on how to use your archetypes to your advantage so that you stop doing the things that sabotage your efforts.  Grow your money tree and create a foundational system to make and keep more money!  If you are interested, click here for more info.

Filed Under: Money Habits Tagged With: , , ,

Are you going backward more than you are going forward?

February 27, 2014 By

hopscotch I am back here at square one!  Now, just how did that happen?  I thought I was going forward until I realized I was doing it again.  All the stuff that I do that holds me back or puts me back at the beginning.  It’s frustrating, aggravating and downright depressing.

So what happened this time?  Well, I realized that the old gremlin reared its ugly head again. I faced it before and won so… why is it coming back again?

Have you had this problem before?

I get really upset when the gremlin shows up and this time decided to do something about it.  It took courage for me to do this but I decided to face it — and I mean stare it in the face!

I asked my gremlin; “Just why are you here now?” and the conversation went something like this:

Gremlin:  I’m here to keep you safe and protect you.

Me:  Great, thank you but safe and protect me from what?

Gremlin:  From getting hurt.

Me:  Ok, I understand but what is going to hurt me?

Gremlin:  Everything.

Me:  Ok, I get it that you’re worried, but if you are keeping me safe and protecting me from getting hurt by everything, how am I supposed to live my life?

Gremlin:  Oh, well I didn’t think of that.  But it doesn’t matter because I still don’t think you are good enough anyway so why bother?

See, the gremlin is the part of us that has the doubts, the fears and the concerns.  Only ‘playing it safe’ doesn’t get us anywhere.  I was tired of never taking any chances!  I was willing to step up and out of my comfort zone because I knew the reward would be oh so great… and it is!

Let’s get back to the gremlin.  Once you know what the gremlin is protecting you from, you become aware of what is holding you back.  Then you can use your gremlin to provide the strength to move forward!  In my case I asked myself “How true is it that I’m not good enough to make money in my business, get clients, live healthy, and have great relationships?”  And I soon saw that none of it was true at all… and courage showed up!  I turned that gremlin into my motivator to take chances to be confident and bold in my life and got such great results.

Let’s go back (yes, pun intended) to you.  Are you going backward more than you are going forward?

Here are a few tips to help you face your gremlin:

  • Stop being so emotional.  When we are in our emotional thinking it is hard to see our options.  We only see fear, what ifs, and negative outcomes.
  • Start using your logical thinking.  Using your logical thinking, you can ask questions like:  “What am I afraid of?”  “What really could happen?”  “What do I know about myself that will help me take a step forward?”
  • Look at the bigger picture.  There is always more going on than we can see.  If you take a step back (this is when it’s good to step backward) and say “Ok, what exactly is going on here?”  Look at the emotional side and the logical side of your situation so you can see it with different perspectives.

Remember, examining from more than one angle often takes out the fears, the worries, and the doubts… and opens up a new view of what is really ahead of you.  If your two options are not being good enough or being even greater than you imagine, which will you choose?

I’d love to hear your comments and how you have overcome your own personal gremlin.  Please post your thoughts below!

Filed Under: Reaching Goals, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

But I don’t have a choice…

February 20, 2014 By

three choices As a women’s business coach, I hear that comment a lot “But I don’t have a choice!”  On the contrary, you do have a choice.  You might not like the choices you are given, but you have a choice.

Once my clients embrace this concept, it’s amazing what happens!  Not only do they start making great choices, they make quick decisions and take fast action.  So therefore, feeling stuck, feeling like they don’t know what to do, and feeling insecure are all gone! Whoosh!

I’d like to point out to you that every time you say — or even think — “I don’t have a choice” you strip yourself of your energy, power and inner strength.  When you are not in a place of “Choice”, you are living as the effect of everything around you.  You’re letting others make decisions for you.  That is a very discouraging place to be!  Being IN “Choice” is the most empowered place to be.

No matter what the situation it, be it personal or professional, we all have the power to have – to take and make – a choice.

You can choose how to respond to something or how to feel about it.  It’s kind of like if someone asks “Do you want spinach or broccoli?” and you want neither.  Well, your first response might be “Well, I don’t have a choice” but you do!  You have more than two choices!  You have the option to say “I don’t want either, thank you.” See?

Sometimes we feel that our choices are cut and dry when often that is not the case.  When you believe you have no choice, you are putting on the breaks and get stuck where you feel like there is no way out.  However, when you stand in what you want and what is best for you, you can find alternative choices that best serve you and help you get to where you are going.

If I can leave you with one bit of motivation, it is to remember no matter what, you always are in “Choice”.

 

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , ,

Can you see the light at the end of the tunnel?

February 13, 2014 By

Light at the end of the tunnelI used to be one of those people who would say I wanted to do this or do that… and, well, I never did.  Until one day I realized that I had spent too much time talking and not enough time doing. I finally had enough talk and needed to take action!

What changed for me was I had let myself down, and it wasn’t for a bad reason but it wasn’t something I wanted to continue.  I regularly put those I loved and cared about ahead of me.  Back then I did what they said I should do.  I took care of their needs and wants first and always before my own.  Then one day I was so upset with myself because I had ‘wasted’ what I felt was a lot of time giving myself away and I decided that I needed to make a change.  I realized I was not granting myself permission to go for what I wanted in my life.

I spent a lot of time in a job that was not right for me, and I felt that I had wasted a lot of my life—like, umm, 20+ years of it!  So what did I do?  I hired a career coach who helped me figure out where to start and then I hired a life coach to help me get there.  Turned out I didn’t get a new job, but I got a new career as a life/business coach instead!  Very cool, eh?  What changed?  Well, I finally gave myself permission to fulfill my personal mission which was to make a change.  See, change isn’t always what we think it will be and yet it always seems to turn out even better!

One of the things I learned, and now teach my clients, is that when you see the light at the end of the tunnel you have to take steps regularly in order to get there.  One of my favorite sayings is from a book The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein and he talks about how your car goes where your eyes go.  Keep looking ahead because what we focus on we get… both for the positive as well as the negative.

Here are three tips I want to share to make sure you keep your eyes on the prize and head toward the end of your tunnel.

  1. Give yourself permission to fulfill your personal mission.  No matter what you want to improve or to have — a new relationship, job/career, better health, improved finances, more time with family, with self, etc. — give yourself permission to have it.
  2. Envision what the result is.  Think ahead and envision what your life will be like once you have it.  What are you doing?  Where are you?  Who is around you?  How are you feeling?  This helps to set the stage and get into the feeling of having it.  Some people find it fun to create vision boards that they can look at regularly to keep themselves on track with their goals.  It can be a creative way to keep your eyes on your prize.
  3. Design your action plan and time frame.  Pick the time frame of when you want to have this in your life.  Is it a month, a year or longer?  Now that you know what you want and when you want it, you work towards that goal.  What is the first thing you will need to do in order to reach your end result?  Let’s say you want to start a business.  The first step might be to figure out what type of business.  Or you want to improve your finances.  The first step would be to know how much money comes in and goes out each month and you’d need to get out the support documents for this.

There are often many steps that we need to take to reach our goals.  We aren’t going to start a business or increase our income overnight.  Knowing what to do, when to do it and having a timeline to keep us on track are key to successfully reaching the light at the end of the tunnel.

Now that you know where to start, give it a go and take action!  If you get stuck, feel free to shoot me an email as I’m happy to help you get on track.  Email me personally or share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

From Setback to Comeback!

February 6, 2014 By

detourIn my last blog I shared with you The Secret Behind Big Success… are many smaller ones.  This time I would like to talk about what a “setback” can do for you—yes, do FOR you.

I used to get so upset when something went wrong.  I really did.  I was thrown off my pace, and felt frustrated and often angry.  There were so many things I started and then abandoned because they didn’t go the way I thought or wanted.  Do you ever feel that way?

It was about the time I decided to do a complete shift in my career path and became a coach that I finally learned that a setback is not an end-all.  It isn’t game over or give up time.  Instead, it is a chance for a comeback.  It was a time to review and revise; to do something different.  Maybe even something that was more to my liking and would lead me to what I wanted.  I found that so liberating and appealing!

So whenever you feel that you are stuck, you don’t have any choices (which by the way, you always do but that is a topic for another blog), or something isn’t going the way you want it to—take a second and a step back.  Ask yourself – what kind of comeback do you want to have?

Once you know your answer, take some time to sort out your strategy.  Write out a small plan and the steps you will take to get closer to reaching your goals.  While an extensive plan can be useful, for this keep it simple and short; say 3-5 tasks that you can start with.  I like to call it the Game Plan yet I have learned not attach myself to it!  Instead, I stay fluid and keep my options open.  It gives me a roadmap to follow so that I know what my comeback is going to give me.

Try it.  I’d love to hear from you how you make out.  From setback to comeback!  It’s a fabulous experience to have and once you have it, you want more of it!  And a funny thing happens… “setbacks” seem to disappear.

 

Filed Under: Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , ,
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