Are you here again?

January 8, 2013 By

Here we are, it’s January, a whole new year.  How exciting!  Or is it?  Are you one of the millions of people who make resolutions around your health?  And are you one of those millions who year after year make the same resolutions?  It’s exciting and satisfying when you reach your goals and downright depressing when you don’t.  There is a better way.  And it’s even easier than you might think.  Your year can be different: you can reach your weight loss goals!

I want to share with you a step-by-step plan to implement into your life.  The beauty of this strategy is that it works for everything–not just your health.

  • First, change your wording.  Use the word ‘goals’ instead of ‘resolutions’.  ‘Resolution’ to me immediately invokes thoughts of failure.  Goals = aim, end, purpose, and aspiration.  These words sound a whole lot better than resolution, don’t they?  So the word ‘goal’ should automatically put you in a better frame of mind and not make everything seem so daunting.  Also, stop saying “I have to” or “I should” and change it to something more uplifting like “I choose.”   I choose to lose 10 pounds this year.
  • Second, state your goal and then put an end time on it.  This makes your goal definitive and gives you ‘finish line’.  You will know exactly the timeline in which you have to accomplish it.  Get out your calendar and put your start and end dates in it as well as milestones along the way.   I will lose 10 pounds by March 31.
  • Third, determine what you will do to reach your end result.  When it comes to weight loss, there are many places to start and two really good ones are watching what you eat and exercising.  In order to lose 10 pounds, I will figure out how many calories I currently eat and then determine what healthy calories and foods I need to eat.  I will find an exercise that I enjoy and know I will do.
  • Fourth, make a plan.  Take what you learned and determined in step three and create a plan for the next several months. Remember that it will take time to reach your goal, whatever it is, so you need to road map to follow.  I will eat 3-5 servings of fruits and vegetables during the week and I will go to exercise class 1-2 times per week.
  • Fifth, find a support system.  Enlist a buddy, family member or coach that you trust and ask them to hold you accountable.  Share with them your goals and steps you are planning to take to move you to your end result.  You might think this is unnecessary but it’s actually quite important!  It’s too easy to fall back on old habits and procrastinate if you don’t have someone checking in with you to make sure you’ve done your homework. Jane, I choose to lose 10 pounds by March 31st and I need your help to make sure that I eat 3-5 servings of fruit and veggies each week and also exercise 1-2 times per week. Will you check in with me periodically to make sure I’m sticking to my plan?
  • Sixth, be flexible with your plan and with yourself.  As you work on your plan know that obstacles will show up.  There will be times when you will eat something that you think you shouldn’t or you won’t make it to your exercise class.  This does not mean you have fallen off the wagon; you merely hit a bump in the road.  It is how you deal with the bumps that count.  I wish I didn’t eat that piece of cake but I did. It doesn’t mean that I failed; it only means that I am human. Tomorrow I choose to do better.

These steps will help you get on track and stay on track for you to reach your weight loss goals.  Remember to set small, attainable goals and keep the timeframe in the short-term because when you have all the time in the world, it takes all the time in the world to complete a goal.  A shorter timeframe keeps you honest, on target and constantly seeing results.

Reaching your weight loss goals takes thought and planning.  It takes motivation, focus and determination.  It also takes a personal awareness and a knowing why you want that end result.  Do you want to lose weight to improve your health or maybe get off medications?  Do you want to fit into your clothes better?  Do you want to feel good about yourself?  All are valid.  What are your reasons?  What is holding you back?  How can you reach your weight loss goals this year?

Feel free to share your success, thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Reaching Goals, Weight loss Tagged With: , ,

Too much to do? How to not go crazy!

December 26, 2012 By

It never fails; you have a lot to do.  You have a lot you want to do.  You even go so far as to choose exactly what it is you are going to do by creating a to-do list.  Yet somehow you always feel stressed out, overwhelmed and pulled in several directions.  Why does that always happen?

There are many reasons, but more often than not it has to do with unrealistic expectations.  I see it time and again with my clients… and I’ve done it myself.  You put 20 things on your to-do list and then you get mad when you don’t get 20 completed.  Heck, you didn’t even get 10 done and feel lucky you managed to check off just a few!  Sure it’s about the planning—and I talk a lot about planning—but it’s more than that. It’s really about reasonable planning.  If you had a reasonable plan set with realistic expectations, you would have better results.

I work with a system called AIM Smart.  We aim for the middle—not perfection and not the least acceptable, but somewhere in between.  Think of it this way; by aiming for and hitting the middle, you’re hitting the bulls-eye!  I’m happy to say this system hasn’t failed me or my clients yet.  In fact, it is a really great and comfortable place to be.

“Wonderful,” you say, “but how do I know what the middle is?”  I’m glad you asked.  The middle is where you know you can, without a doubt, accomplish a task.  When you think realistically about a task or event, you determine what you can reasonably get done.  Unfortunately, what usually happens is you trick yourself into thinking you can do way more than that.  “Come on,” you say to yourself, “I can do better than that. There’s no reason I can’t accomplish more if I don’t have any interruptions or if I just buckle-down and do it.”  And so you push yourself and things don’t go the way you want them to or thought they would.  What results is often frustration, overwhelm, exhaustion, and disappointment.  Alternatively, aiming for the middle—the realistic—keeps us on an even keel to success and eliminates a lot of the stresses we put on ourselves.

Since I just celebrated Christmas, and for the first time ever had a really great time and did not over-exhaust myself, I’ll use it as an example to help you aim in middle so that you don’t go crazy with too much to do.

  • Know what your final outcome is.  Enjoy the month of December, preparing for Christmas with joy and ease and feeling good, energized and happy.  Spend time with family and friends.
  • Make a master list of all that you want you to do for your outcome.  1) Host Christmas Brunch, 2) Have gifts wrapped with fun holiday paper, 3) Get together with friends.
  • From the master list, plan what you will do to accomplish your goal(s) (do this for as many tasks as you have).  Host Christmas Brunch – know who to invite, select a time, plan menu, extend invitations, and shop for food.
  • Stop doing things more than once.  Plan the time and menu first, then invite the guests—not the other way around—so all questions can be answered the first time around no need for “I’ll get back to you.”  Plan the menu, double-check you what’s needed, and shop only once.
  • Keep yourself honest.  Ask yourself what is realistic that you can get done and then do that.  If you find you have additional time, consult your list and to do another task that you have time for – again asking what is realistic in the time you have available.
  • Keep your final outcome in mind.  By knowing what it is you want to have (i.e. calm, happy, enjoyable holiday season), it is easier to stay on target and reach your goals.

Old habits are hard to break, that I know!  I also know that new habits are easy to make, all you need is a plan to be in the middle!

Feel free to use these tips as you head into the exciting and fresh New Year.  You can do things differently and you can make lasting positive changes.  You can have what you want.  You only need to have realistic expectations.  What are your realistic expectations?  Please share!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , ,

Stop Sabotaging Your Success

December 10, 2012 By

You just returned from a conference or workshop or just completed some on-line training and you are excited!  You now have a ton of new ideas and can’t wait to get started on them… but wait, you have something to finish first.  Or maybe lots of somethings to finish first before you can implement all this great new stuff.  Well, no problem, you will just do it later.

The trouble is that later never comes and you end up with these great ideas just sitting on the shelf or in your head.  After a while you forget what that great idea was or you think to yourself “Yeah, well, it wasn’t that great an idea anyway” and talk yourself out of what could have been a really amazing idea that lead to a lot of success.  Or you might remember that you shelved your notes, manual or other information and all you need to do it get it out…but where oh where did you put it.  Oh well.

I see this all the time with weight loss and trying to eat healthier.  Clients say they have tried everything from Weight Watchers to personal training and other various self-help programs.  The information sounds great and gets you excited but when left to your own devices it just never seems to get implemented.  You start to feel like you never see results, so why bother in the first place.

What I have discovered is that those who tell me they have tried everything are really sabotaging themselves.  There is often no follow-through with the information or direction they received.  In reality they just don’t put forth enough effort yet they believe they tried everything and again nothing has worked.

Truth be told, it can be daunting and confusing to know what to do with all the information acquired.  The best option is to put your ideas into a plan so that they become actionable and lead you to your success.  My tips below will help you do this.

  1. Know what your end result(s) is/are.  Begin by looking at what you want to accomplish.  Example:  I want to lose 10 pounds in three months.  Once you have a starting point, you can decide how you will go about losing those 10 pounds. Now you are ready for the next step, putting those ideas into a plan.
  2. Write it down.  The saying “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail” is very true here.  By writing down what you are going to do, you can hold yourself accountable.  You know exactly what your steps are so you don’t have to guess–or worse, forget!  You have a blueprint; a plan to follow and all you need to do is follow it.  A great tool here is a timeline and/or a tracker sheet.  Decide which step you will take first and so on.  This way you will always know where you stand at a quick glance and can course-correct.
  3. Get an accountability partner or coach.  Find someone you trust or hire a coach to hold you accountable to what you say you want to do.  Make sure this person will be completely objective.  A coach who specializes in what your goals are will be able to not only hold you accountable but also hold your hand and answer any questions that come up.

These tips are universal!  They help with everything whether you want to lose weight, eat healthy, increase your income, build a business or have better relationships.  Knowing what your end results will be, having a plan, and being held accountable are all key to reach success.

When I work with my private clients, we follow this same process and they get better results more easily without a lot of stress and aggravation.  They know they are setting themselves up for success and that the failure and frustration they knew in the past is long gone.  They report having peace of mind, joy and lots of fun living their lives…on top of great success for themselves and their goals.

What about you?  How will you feel once you pull a project off the shelf and take action on it now? Feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , ,

Are You Zoning Out?

November 26, 2012 By

If you haven’t reached your goals yet—for this year or for your life—it could be because you are zoning out, living in your comfort zone. 

I’m the first to admit that I thought my comfort zone was very good to me for much of my life.  But truth be told, I didn’t have much of a life!  Ironic, eh?  It was when I decided to step—no, jump out of my comfort zone that the most extraordinary things began to happen.  I met the man of my dreams, got married, left an unsatisfying job and started my own business.  I have been living happily and fulfilled in my life for a little over two years now and I wouldn’t go back!  Oh sure my comfort zone shows up every now and again, more than I would like, but it’s all good because it shows me that it’s time to stretch myself to the next level.

Does the following description sound like you?  You live your life in fear: fear of looking like a fool, fear of appearing stupid, fear of what other people might say, or fear of not knowing what or how to do something.  That’s how my life looked.  I never set foot outside my comfort zone and therefore missed so many wonderful experiences and opportunities.

It is now my quest to help others break free of their comfort zone so that they can have their best life ever.  My clients take great strides forward.  Sure, sure, initially they are hesitant but they called me in to help them…and help them I do, and for the most part painlessly too.  Look, change isn’t easy but it is very much worth it.  You can either stay in your comfort zone or stretch out of it for the most unbelievably satisfying life!

Here is a step-by-step exercise to move you out of your comfort zone. Grab a piece of paper and write down the answers to these questions (I even provided some examples to help get you started).  Oh, not to worry, these can be baby steps.  If you want to run, you first need to feel good about walking.  These will do that!

  1. What is one thing that you really want to try but are afraid? I want to try a new exercise class.
  2. What makes you scared and/or nervous about it?  I’m scared that I won’t know what to do and will feel stupid.
  3. Why do you feel this way?  I feel nervous because I’ve tried other exercise classes before and I didn’t know what to do and felt awkward.  I don’t like to be the new person.  I don’t want to be the one who doesn’t know everything.
  4. Why do you want to do this one thing; what are the results you are looking for?  I know I need to find an exercise I enjoy doing, and will look forward to, so that I can manage my weight.
  5. How will you feel once you do this one thing?  Elated, excited, proud and energized.
  6. What are things you can do (no matter how small) to help you step outside your comfort zone so that you can experience those feelings?  Find exercise classes in my area that I am interested in.  Go and meet the instructors.  Ask if I can observe a class or try it as a guest. 
  7. What timeline are you willing to assign to each of those steps in order to reach your goal?  I will research exercise classes tomorrow, meet two instructors over the weekend, and observe or try out one class by this time next week.
  8. How do you feel now, knowing you have a plan?  I feel relieved and encouraged because now it doesn’t seem so scary.
  9. Who will you share this information with that will hold you accountable to your schedule?  One of my best friends who loves to exercise but lives too far away for us to be exercise-buddies would be excited for me to do this. Or my husband because he can help me with chores and errands to allow me the time to make this happen.
  10. What’s stopping you now?  Nothing!

Being afraid to try something new certainly shows up in many areas of our lives, not just exercise. I used this example of an exercise class because I am a fitness instructor and coach, and I come across this scenario all the time.  Let me say that good instructors welcome “newbies” to the class.  And if they know you’re new, they’ll usually give extra instruction so that you can follow along. There’s no reason to be intimidated!

Staying in our comfort zone does not do us any good mentally or physically.  We need to stretch our mind and body in order to stay alert, active and healthy.  As you may have figured out, a lot of what keeps us in our comfort zone is in our heads.

This week, take one action step toward reaching one of your goals that you have been afraid to try or to go after.  When you do, write and let me know how it turned out for you.  I’d love to hear about how you felt before you took the step that started you moving out of your comfort zone…and then how you felt after!  Also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Reaching Goals, Wellness Tagged With: , , , , ,

You Are What You Eat

November 12, 2012 By

In case you didn’t know this about me, I also teach group exercise.  As is usually the case, one of my current group participants recently asked how could she lose weight.  I already know she works out optimally and amps up her time when she is in the gym, so I told her she had to eat.  She said “That’s what everyone has been telling me, I know I don’t eat enough.”

How did I know this right off the bat without having to ask her any questions?  I’ve seen this same scenario occur way more times than I can count, not only with my own clients but with strangers, too.  What holds people back from reaching their weight loss goals is that they think less is better.  They believe less food will mean less weight gain.  Now true, less of the wrong foods would be better but isn’t the right answer either. When it comes to healthy foods and eating properly, don’t fool yourself, less is not better.  More of the right kind of foods in a regular serving size is what it takes to reach and maintain a healthy weight.

What do I mean about the right kind of foods?  Lean proteins such as beans (which contain as much protein as an ounce of broiled steak) and white meat of poultry; whole grains (the less processed, the better) for carbohydrates; and foods high in good fats like nuts, seeds, and fish, all work in combination to fuel your body.  Most of us are busy; we have things to do, places to go and fun to be had…so we should want our body to run optimally. When we eat the most advantageous foods, our body can run optimally allowing our life to run smoothly.

If you don’t believe me, give it a test.  Wait until you are hungry…then don’t eat.  Pay attention to how happy you feel and see how much patience you have.  I had a client who would say “Ok, I’m coming up to the ugly stage.  If I don’t eat something soon things are going to get ugly around here quick.”  It was true.  She would be cranky, did not have any patience and the smallest thing seemed huge to her.  Being hungry and not eating has failure written all over it!

Eating the right kind of foods, tailored to your likes, gives you the building blocks for a healthy life.  My mother just had her very first operation and has been eating healthy and exercising all her life.  She looks about 65 and has the energy level of a 35 year old.  She is 90.  I kid you not.  When the medical staff asked her for her date of birth and she said 1922, their eyeballs popped out.  Many of the nurses, both male and female, asked what her secret is.  If that isn’t evidence of how taking care of your body makes a difference, I don’t know what is.

And let’s not forget serving sizes!  It doesn’t matter how healthy a food is, too much is too much.  Here are some ideal serving/portion sizes:

  • Meat or other protein-based part of your meal should be around the size of a deck of cards.
  • The starchy part of your meal–for example the rice, potatoes, bread or grains–should roughly be the size of one tennis ball or your balled fist.
  • Fruits and vegetables should fill approximately half of your plate.
  • Fats and oils should be kept to a minimum, say, less than one tablespoon.

Before we go, I want to make one thing perfectly clear.  Just because a diet claims you will lose weight in 3 days–and that may be the case–when have you heard the statement “and the weight will stay off?”  I thought so, me either.  They never say that because it doesn’t.  It is a quick fix that doesn’t solve the ultimate problem.  The only sure-fire way I know to lose weight and keep it off is to create a healthier lifestyle where over time you make better choices and keep making those better choices.  Eventually it becomes your routine, the way you eat, and your way of life.

I hope some of my tips this week help you change not only how you choose to eat but also who you choose to be when you eat—a healthier, happier you!  I’m up for any success stories.  If you were able to break the rollercoaster of weight loss, write below to encourage others.  On the flip side, email me if you need help breaking the cycle.  I can promise you I will not tell you to stop eating your favorite foods!

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Wellness Tagged With: , , ,

Being Open to Being Open-Minded

October 22, 2012 By

When it comes to making a shared decision, whether it be at home or in the office, do you sometimes think that only you can make the best decisions because you are the expert?  Are you the parent or manager who knows best?  What if I told you that you might not; would you think I was off my rocker?

This idea often shocks my clients.  For whatever reason, you believe you are the only one capable of deciding because you are the specialist.  Now to be clear here, when it relates to your personal feelings I’m not disputing or going to tell you otherwise.  Without a doubt you are the expert for any decision that involves you alone.  I teach my clients that absolutely no one should weigh in on why you should or should not feel a certain way.  In order to stand in your true power, you need to listen to your own feelings.  It is the only way to find your joy and happiness in life.

Yet, one place often misunderstood is when situations and outcomes involve other people.  Being the authority, you won’t ask for help, assistance, or outside information.  In fact, you can also be very close-minded if someone tries to share information that may be useful.  The belief is that you know best or already know everything you need to know in order to make the decision, so why bother listening to anyone else.  However, have you ever had the experience where someone shares something with you and you say “I wish I knew that before”?  That is where the value of listening to someone else comes into play even when you don’t think you have to.  It could make your life and job easier, you may avoid costly mistakes, and you’ll probably save time. There are many benefits.

An open-mind allows for possibilities and opportunities to come to us translating into more joy, happiness and satisfaction in our lives.  Many of my clients see that being open and receptive to hearing what someone else has to say makes their lives so much easier and more satisfying.  Here are three tips to get you started:

  1. Listen with an open-mind:  Are you shooting down an idea without really hearing what the person has to say?  If you are, chances are you are being perceived as pigheaded and inflexible.  Stop yourself and listen to the other person closely.  If necessary, ask questions to gain clarity. You might learn something!
  2. See it through a different pair of eyes:  If you are thinking “Oh, I already know that”, you’re falling back into old habits.  How can you see the situation in a new light that’s different from your point of view?  Look at it through the presenter’s eyes; what might they see that you are not.  It certainly could make a big difference in the final outcome.
  3. Try it on for size:  Even if you’re still hesitant, be willing to “try on” the new idea to see how it fits.  Run through a few scenarios in your head (or on paper if time permits).  How might this different idea change the outcome?  Remember, you always have to break in a pair of new shoes before they feel good!

In the end, you give yourself and others the opportunity to expand your vision.  When you have opened your mind to new possibilities and opportunities, you see things differently and can never make a wrong decision.  Just think of the success and happiness you will experience by being open to being open-mined.

Tell me about a time when you thought your decision was the only way to go yet you were proven otherwise? Or better yet, tell me about a time you were receptive to suggestions and wonderful things resulted!  I can’t wait to hear what you have to say below.

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , ,

What Is Important To You?

October 8, 2012 By

Have you ever made a decision, then once you learned more you realized it just wasn’t the right choice for you?  What did you do?  Did you change your mind?  Did you suck it up and forge ahead?  I recently had this experience and I did something completely opposite of what I would have done ten months ago (heck, three months ago) — I changed my mind.  I said “This is not for me” and it couldn’t have been more empowering!

What makes us say “yes” and then suffer when we realize our decision is not in our best interest, or for that fact, not in the best interest of the other people involved?  Why is it we feel that once we say “yes”, it is set in stone and has to be done or else?  Recently I wrote an article about letting go but this is more than letting go.  This is about being empowered to choose what is best for you even if it is not what someone else thinks is best for them.  It is about what is important to you, your goals, and your life.  It is about changing your mind for good reason and then standing in that choice.  It is about saying “no” even after saying “yes”.  Why is this important?

When we make a commitment and then want to change our mind but don’t, we do everyone involved a disservice.  We sometimes end up resenting the task, the person involved and even ourselves.  I know there were many times I found myself angry with the person who asked me and they didn’t even know it!  I held it in and pretended that everything was hunky-dory when it wasn’t.  Was it their fault, heck no!  They thought everything was okay because they asked me and I replied “yes”.

Saying “no” really is about staying true to yourself and respecting your life, your wants, and your choices.  Sure there are times when you want to help someone but you just can’t because of other things on your plate — those are easier to decline.

Tips for saying NO in the first place so you don’t find yourself in a predicament:

  • Don’t answer right away.  Give yourself time to think about it to see if it is something you want to do.  Often 24 hours is a good amount of time to wait to respond; you will know by then if you truly want to say “yes”.  If you are having a hard time deciding, it’s a good sign that your answer is “no”.
  • Gather as much information upfront as you can (if possible).  Make sure that you ask questions and get all of the information you need in order to make a good decision for yourself.
  • Remember what is important to you.  If what you are being asked to do moves you closer to your values and to what you want in your life, by all means, do it.  If it moves you further away from your goals, it’s important to decline.  This will keep you empowered and on track with how you want to live your life.

However, there are times when you really don’t want to help and commit anyway. Maybe it’s something that don’t you want to follow through with because the repercussions are too high. Or like in my case, I thought the commitment was for one thing and it turned out to be something much different.  Had I known, I would have said “no” from the get-go because I simply didn’t have the time.

Remember it’s okay to change your mind.  Here are a few tips to changing your mind as well as communicating your change of heart:

  • Let go of feeling guilty.  If you are a caring, compassionate person, it’s only natural that you may feel bad about this decision.  However, feeling guilty only serves to pressure you and keep you from saying “no”.  It holds you back.
  • Come from a place of honesty.  Be truthful about why you are changing your mind.  Say “I thought this was something I wanted to do, but I came to realize it isn’t.”  When you are direct, you feel better and so does the other person.
  • Respect yourself and them.  By respecting yourself, your choices and your decisions first, it is easy for you to respect the other person.  You can easily speak from the heart and there is much value in that.

So remember, whether you changed your mind or flat out said “no”, the decision is always your decision – for you to be happy, it can be no other way.

I would love for you to share any experiences that you have had with these situations.  I can’t wait to hear what you have to say!

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , ,

You Hereby Have Permission to Stop

September 24, 2012 By

Is there something that you have been meaning to get to but just haven’t gotten to it yet?  Give yourself permission to let it go.  If you really were meant to do it, you would have and if it is still meant to happen, it will without you having to stress over it.

Many of my clients and colleagues — and me, too — put and keep way too much on our list of things to do.  Then for some reason we feel that we absolutely, without a doubt, have to do them all.  We feel if we don’t do what we either said we would do or planned to do that we’ll let someone down, let ourselves down or be viewed as a slacker.  But the truth is that often things on our list can and need to be deleted.

Of course, if there are things on there that you really need to do — like make the yearly vet appointment for the dogs or return a borrowed book to a friend — then by all means, keep them on the list.  However, if you continually are not getting to certain items, you need to implement a different strategy so that you do actually complete what really needs to be done.

It’s a great idea to know exactly what it is you want to get done and why.  The why is the reward and usually a good motivator even if the steps themselves are not. If you suddenly realize that something isn’t going to move you forward, maybe you don’t really need to do it after all.

On the other hand, oftentimes we can’t go forward because we don’t know what the next step entails.  If you don’t know what steps you need to take to get something done, figure that out first.  Productivity often follows clarity. A perfect example of this is the speech I recently gave to a women’s networking group. “Prepare for speech” didn’t give me a lot of clarity as to what steps I need to take in order to be prepared. Once I sat down and thought about it, I realized I needed to come up with a topic, create an outline, come up with content and samples, and have handouts (among other things). Knowing all these components made it much easier to move forward!

Below are some ideas to help you get on your way to “getting to done”:

  • Work with a coach for brainstorming and to keep you accountable for both personal and professional tasks.
  • Enlist the help of a friend or colleague you can talk to and check in with so that you stay on target.
  • Find a weekly accountability partner where you hold each other to what you said you would do.

And on the flip side, below are some ideas to get you on the way to letting things on your list go:

  • Delete it
  • Trash it

Yes, that is correct – you hereby have permission to stop.  Let’s face it, if you really wanted to do them, you would have.  Why stay in that defeated, bad-feeling space when you can put yourself in an uplifted, feel-good space?  Go on, try it and let me know what happens!

I can’t wait to hear what you have to say below!

Filed Under: Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , , ,

Are You Driven By Your Circumstances?

September 10, 2012 By

At 10:32 a.m. on Tuesday, September 4, 2012, I turned on my computer after a 17-day vacation…  and boy was it weird!  It was weird in that I was excited to be back in the swing of working.  It wasn’t always like this though, so it’s so awesome for me to have these feelings of excitement, anticipation and happiness to be back.  In my later years of working in corporate, the day before I’d go back to work from a vacation (heck, even a weekend) I’d feel physically ill.  I’d have trouble sleeping and then in the morning, I just couldn’t drag myself out of the bed.  I know it wasn’t because I was exhausted or even tired, I was just feeling run down from my environment which was unsupporting and toxic to me.  Have you ever felt that way?  If the answer is no, I’m thrilled for you!  But if you are like me and many of my clients who have been (or even still are) extremely beaten down by your work environment, please know that you can change it for yourself and you can do so in a way that is perfect for you!

I played the role of victim for a long time.  I allowed others to push me around and to do and say things that were hurtful, unsupporting, mean and aggressive.  I did not like conflict, so I would never speak up or ask for what I needed.  I wasn’t assertive and never honored my own feelings and what I wanted.  I just did what others wanted and became very unhappy and even began to be passive-aggressive.  It wasn’t until I hired my own life coach that I began to see how I was allowing others to treat me in this manner and that I had the power within me to be treated as I wanted to be treated.  I learned that what I wanted was just as important as what the next person wanted.  I decided it was time for me to be the driver of my life.

Here is what I learned and am going to share with you.  You too can be in the driver’s seat of your life and feel that you matter, not only to others but most importantly to yourself.

  • Lesson 1:  No one has the power to make you unhappy, feel bad about yourself or feel stupid.  When you trust, love and honor yourself, you understand that it is all about the other person’s insecurities.  It’s their inner critic that drives their behavior and has them acting in a non-supporting way toward others so that they feel good about themselves.  Don’t let them get to you.
  • Lesson 2:  Recognize that everyone (you and everyone else) has a basic need for being loved and accepted.  This is what each person is fighting for, often at the expense of other people’s feelings.  It’s not a personal attack.
  • Lesson 3:  It is A-OK to be selfish and put yourself first and ask for what you want. It’s also important to note here that it’s not what you say but often how you say it that really makes or breaks the situation.  Ask for what you want in a way that won’t ruffle any feathers.
  • Lesson 4:  Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself why might they be acting or behaving this way.  Have you contributed in some negative way that has them doing what they are doing? Be honest in your assessment.
  • Lesson 5:  Always remember that you have the power within to change how you feel and respond to any situation.  Be conscious of your feelings and remember the outcome you want in order to feel empowered from within.  Think before you react.

Following these lessons — which I also share with my clients so that they feel respected first by themselves and then by others — will soon have you feeling more positive, happy and alive!  The joy is in creating a life that you want, the life that you will be happy living.  Perhaps you won’t need a new job after all.  Maybe you’ll decide, with your newfound ways of being in your life and acting in your life, that your skills and talents would be best appreciated elsewhere.  Either way, you have now put yourself in the driver’s seat and the decisions are yours and yours alone.  Happy driving!

I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , ,

Not As Happy As You Want To Be

August 27, 2012 By

Do you love your life?  Are you not as happy as you would like to be?  Sometimes it’s what is happening on the inside that drives what is occurring on the outside.  How many times does it feel to you that your life is out of control?  Stuff is happening so fast and so often.  Your kids aren’t listening, the dog isn’t listening and your husband says you didn’t tell him what you know you told him.  Is it them?  Or is it you?

You aren’t going to like this…it is you.  If you are unhappy with what is going on, the first place to look is to you.  Great news though, you have the power to change it all.  Yes, you do!  What is going on inside is causing the turmoil on the outside.  What are your thoughts about yourself?  Are they positive, encouraging and supporting?  Or are they more along the lines of “I can’t believe I forgot that, you idiot!”  I won’t go on – I’m aiming for an upbeat feel here.

If your thoughts are negative and you are always putting yourself down, the chances are the negativity is all around your being.  Therefore, when people aren’t listening to you, you get annoyed, aggravated and even angry at them.  I call that the outward manifestation of your inner being.  What it really is though, is that you are truly annoyed, aggravated and angry at yourself.  So, then how can you turn that around and get the results you are wanting?

Here are five tips to turn it around:

  1. Remember that you have the power to change what you do not like by taking small simple steps.
  2. Stop being so hard on yourself.  When you hear your inner voice say something negative, stop it right there and remember a time where you felt confident.
  3. Be kind and encouraging to yourself.  Treat yourself as you would another person and you’ll soon shift to a better inner feeling.
  4. Start talking to yourself in a more positive and supporting way.
  5. Begin to pay attention to how you are being with others.  Are you showing up in a negative, unloving way and if so, shift that to a positive and loving manner.

Through your actions, what you will begin to see is a transformation in yourself.  You will see that you are communicating clearly and that others are really listening.  It’s almost like magic and truly beautiful.  You will notice yourself responding differently to others, and others responding to you in a good, positive, very pleasing way.

We see the outer part of ourselves so often we forget that we have an inner self as well.  Once we treat our inner self with respect, patience and love, we transform not only ourselves but those around us.  We see the world as a place of beauty; a vast area to live and breathe openly and with great joy.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights and revelations on below.

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , ,
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