People-Pleasing Money Martyrs

July 31, 2014 By

BLOG letters on corkboardHere is a recap of my latest blogs, just in case you missed them previously!

 

Are you a people-pleaser?

Now, first I want to say that it isn’t a bad thing to want to please. It’s actually quite admirable and kind. The thing is, when you begin to tip the scale and please others first before yourself, you are on a slippery slope to self-destruction, unhappiness and misery. Oh, and let’s not forget resentment and then anger! Click here to finish reading…

 

Are you a Money Martyr?

What is a martyr? For those of you who have no idea, for our purposes here it is defined as a sufferer for a cause and a willing victim. So how does that relate to money? Well, are you settling with making less money than you want or you need to live on? Are you self-employed and are reluctant to raise your fees? Are you employed and afraid to ask for a raise or go for a promotion? Find out more by clicking this link…

 

Filed Under: Money Habits, Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: ,

Are You a Money Martyr?

July 24, 2014 By

NOT ENOUGH !!!I’m cracking myself up here – when this title came to me, I thought “I must write about it!” But wondered will anyone even know what I’m talking about? And if not, will they be curious enough to read to find out? I guess we’ll see!

So here you are reading this. Let me guess, you either are a Money Martyr or you said “What the heck is this? Maybe I am and maybe I’m not, but I’m going to find out.” So let’s begin.

What is a martyr? For those of you who have no idea, for our purposes here it is defined as a sufferer for a cause and a willing victim.

So how does that relate to money? Well, are you settling with making less money than you want or you need to live on? Are you self-employed and are reluctant to raise your fees? Are you employed and afraid to ask for a raise or go for a promotion? That means you are a willing victim, and I guess it could be defined as a sufferer for a cause.

What cause you might ask? Well, the cause of not wanting to rock the boat, or for fear of speaking up for yourself. You are afraid someone will say no, so you don’t ask.

Another example is if you never stand up for yourself when someone wants to negotiate your rates. You almost always say “Oh, okay” because you don’t want to lose out on them as a client or income. Yet, you aren’t actually getting the work you really want or the money you really want and/or need when you do that. Also you might always just say ‘yes’ because there is money involved, but not take a look to see if you are being paid what you need to make. You sell yourself out. It’s not exactly the most powerful place you put yourself in!

If you give your services and/or products away for less than what they should be sold for because you think that your clients can’t pay… you are suffering for someone else’s cause. Maybe you do a lot of pro bono work because the ‘cause’ — and in this case we mean ‘cause’ literally — is a worthy cause doing good work. One client I worked with spent so much time working for a non-profit free of charge that she didn’t have time to bring in her own new business!

A Money Martyr is someone who puts themselves last at the expense of someone or something else. And then what do you get? You certainly aren’t making the money you want, and then you get a whole lot of resentment and bad feelings about the other person and even about yourself (which in case you are wondering, can be even more detrimental to your welfare).

So you are sacrificing yourself and your earning potential for a cause? Here is an insight to try on; you can still be a part of the cause and not be the sufferer of the cause yourself.

How do you avoid being a Money Martyr?

Identify where you might be suffering for a cause or a willing victim. Determine why you are putting yourself in that position. A lot of times, there is fear involved or even feelings of self-worth. We don’t think we are worth what we are asking for so we undermine ourselves and give in. We accept less than what we want and a need to live on. Then we end up working more and feeling burnt out, stressed out and angry.

Take steps to work on your ‘why’. Get help, ask a trusted friend for assistance, hire a coach or even seek therapy. By honoring yourself and your needs, and learning to value yourself, you will no longer be a Money Martyr — or any kind of martyr for that matter — because how you do money is usually how you do everything!

Filed Under: Money Habits, Self Worth Tagged With: , , ,

Are you being haunted?

April 17, 2014 By

haunted (640x625)Did that get your attention?  I hope so – and I hope you are asking ‘”Haunted by what?”  Haunted by your money story.  Your money story – we all have one – is the story that you tell yourself about why you aren’t good with money, why you feel entitled to spend money, why you believe what you believe around money.  Some are good and some are not so good and others are really haunting.

What is your money story?  Do you feel good about money?  Do you feel powerful with it?  Do you feel in control of your money?  Are you happy with your money and how you handle it?  Do you always have enough money to pay the bills with money left over to take vacations, buy things you like, have experiences you want?

For many, their money story isn’t a pleasant one.  I’ve heard a lot of money stories.  Here are a few – one woman’s mother used to hide money because she was afraid that someone would break in and steal it (even though they lived in a pretty good and safe neighborhood).  She didn’t want anyone inside the family discussing money with anyone else.  She would always say “This goes no further” with such a stern voice, the kids never did talk about money (or anything else for that matter) because they were afraid they would get into trouble….hmmmm

Another woman never had to ask for money; she always got what she wanted and then some.  Her family was very loose with money, always spending it and enjoying it.  And so that is what she did when she was old enough to earn her own living.  Her money story was that money was always there for whatever she wanted, that’s what she had learned.  It wasn’t until she tried to get a mortgage that she realized she was in debt up to her eyeballs and owed almost everyone tons of money – her words.  See she didn’t learn how to live on what she brought in because her money story was that money was meant to be spent and enjoyed.

Two totally different money stories.  The woman whose family didn’t talk about money took that to mean not to talk about money or anything else and to hide it.  And the woman whose family spent freely took that to mean to spend without abandon.  Both women have money issues that get in their way of living the life they want.  Both women’s money stories created painful life experiences and lots of negativity and shame in their lives.

Our money story, while not necessarily a negative, can be something that is holding us back from truly prospering.  So then, what is your money story and is it something you want to change?  If it is, know that you can.  Choose what you want your new money story to be and start living it!

Filed Under: Money Habits Tagged With: , ,

Do you have it?

April 3, 2014 By

money down the drain (640x480)Money, that is.  Or are you wondering where it went?  Where does the money go?  Did it go out the window?  Down the drain?  Was it stolen?  Do you know where your money goes?  If you said yes – congratulations… err maybe.  Do you really know where it goes?  Do you track it or do you just know it goes out to pay bills?

Why am I talking about this?  Because it has recently come to my attention that many people are living blindly.  They have no idea how much money they bring in and worse, how much they send out.

Recently I worked with a client who realized with much dismay and discomfort that more money was going out than coming in and the reason it wasn’t noticed was because credit cards were bridging the gap, which of course caused more stress and anxiety.

Well then, there it was out in the open, she now knew exactly how much money came in and went out.  This knowledge first made her sad, then afraid.  See, she thought she had enough money.  Yes, this knowledge was stressful and scary but once she saw it she was relieved.  Every month she dreaded paying her bills and looking at her checking account because underneath everything she knew she didn’t have enough, she only ‘pretended’ to have enough.  Yet a funny thing happened.  After seeing the figures, she realized that she was no longer at the effect of this but could be at the cause.  She could take steps to release the stress and worry and begin to have enough!  It was a beautiful thing to watch and experience with her.

She had stuck her head in the sand and hoped it would go away… and it didn’t, it only got bigger.  The more she ignored it the bigger it got and the more afraid she became.  The day she found out exactly how much money was coming in and going out was the day everything changed.  She put steps in place to change her behaviors and began really paying attention to her money situation.  She is now making and saving money, paying down debt and feeling great.  She knows exactly what her figures are and she knows she wants to feel empowered rather than afraid.

I’ve been writing a lot on the subject of money.  It’s because it is a hot topic!  The beauty of knowing where your money goes is that you now have a say in it.  Money doesn’t just walk out the door – though it may feel that way.  You have control over it.  Here is your chance to be in control!  Go for it, what do you have to lose?  More money that’s all!  And you have everything to gain, money especially.

I want to teach you how to use your archetypes (don’t worry, I’ll explain what those are) to your advantage so you stop doing the things that sabotage your efforts to grow your money tree! If you are interested, click here for more info.

Filed Under: Money Habits Tagged With: , ,

Do you have enough money?

March 13, 2014 By

Money BagWouldn’t it be great to have bags of money? That would be enough… wouldn’t it?

But what does having enough money mean to you?  Have you ever said “I just want to have enough money”?  I’m going to guess that yes, you have.  I know this because that is what my clients say to me… and most anyone I talk to says the same thing.  So my question is what does having enough money mean to you?

I ask because it means different things to different people.  For a pre-teen they might want to have enough money to buy lunch at the school cafeteria and a pack of gum at the corner store.  For a college student they might want to have enough money to buy a car and to go out and have fun in it.  For a working woman/man they might want to have enough money to pay for rent, utilities and food and have extra left for fun and shopping.  For newlyweds it might be for their first home and for a family it might be to house, clothe and feed them all and for a retired couple it might be to maintain a lifestyle.  As you can see, the answer is different for everyone.

No matter where you are it matters what enough means to you and it’s important to know exactly what enough is to you.  Many people have no idea what they need to live.  They have no idea how much income comes in and how much goes out.  In order to have enough money, you need to know your figures.  In my business I need enough money to run my business and cover my operating costs and pay myself a salary.  And I know exactly what those numbers are which makes every decision I make a confident one.

I love to share tips so here are several for you to begin your own journey to having more than enough money for living your life:

  1. Know exactly how much you bring in.  Get a sheet of paper and fold it in half.  On the left, write Income and on the right, Expenses.  Then go through your paychecks and add them up for the month (you could do the whole year but get a monthly figure first).  Write that figure down on the left side of your paper.
  2. Know exactly how much you send out.  Add up all your monthly expenses (again you can do the whole year as you probably have quarterly and yearly expenses, but let’s get that figure for the month first).  Go through them a second time, you’ll forget something – I always do.  Write that figure down on the right side of the paper.
  3. Know your bottom line.  Subtract your expenses from your income.  Hopefully you have a bigger income number than expenses number, but if you do not, don’t panic.  Take a breath and congratulate yourself for taking the time to take this first step to discovery.
  4. How to have more than enough.  If you have less income than expenses, it’s time to look at those expenses and scale back or cut some out.  Sometimes when you see your monthly expenses it is easy to know what needs to go… and sometimes it is more difficult.  Yet if you are spending more than you are earning, you need to make changes.  So get to taking things out!  Don’t confuse a want with a need: want = cable TV and need = food to eat.
  5. Give yourself credit.  It can be scary and discouraging yet you are now on the upswing.  Once you know where you stand, it will be hard to continue doing the things you had been doing that brought you to this point.  You are stronger than you think you are.  This is where you tell yourself you are happy and proud of knowing your exact figures.

I know this is not easy.  I’ve been in the “I don’t have enough money” position.   I’ve had that feeling of “Wow, I can barely feed myself let alone my pets.”  I’ve been there paying one bill I thought was more important to pay before another.  I’ve made half payments to just make sure I sent a payment.

On the flip side, I now experience the relief of knowing my bottom line and the figure that is my ‘enough money’.  I know the triumph of making choices that bring me the result I want, which is having enough money.

If you have had money struggles and overcame them, I’d love to hear how you did it.  Please post below!

Filed Under: Money Habits, Personal Development Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Would you like to have a money tree?

March 7, 2014 By

Money-treeWhen I was a little girl, my uncle had this cool thing called a ‘money tree’ – I liked the sound of that even as a kid.  Except… there wasn’t money growing on it.  That’s just weird.  Why would there be something called a money tree with no money coming from it!  I didn’t get it.

Now I know the Malabar chestnut (Pachira aquatica), is known as the ‘money tree plant’.  If you are into the Law of Attraction, it is a great thing to have because it symbolizes a money tree.  And since the Law of Attraction states “what you put your attention on, you attract”, it can serve as a reminder of money.  Who doesn’t want more money?

A money tree is a bit of a metaphor.  I grew up hearing “money doesn’t grow on trees.”  Well what if it did?  What if you had your own ‘tree’ that produced money?  What if you didn’t have to worry where money was coming from?  What if you had all the money you needed to live your life the way you wanted to?  That would feel pretty great, wouldn’t it? 

While I didn’t get the concept of a money tree not being a tree with money on it, I get that it is important to have a ‘money tree’.  Money is the cause of many people’s angst and stress.  If we can grow our own money tree, we can eliminate the feelings of worry about not having enough money to support us.  The frustration and anxiety that so often causes us to feel bad would be gone.  For some this is an especially interesting concept as they have lived all of their lives with those feelings. 

In my early years, I never really learned how to manage my money successfully.  I didn’t understand that you need to know what your outputs are in relation to what comes in.  I was taught “don’t spend it all in one place”, but that’s it.  I wasn’t taught that there was a way to handle money so you had it when you wanted and needed it.  Oh, I handled money okay, a lot of it and it always was going out.

I learned by reading, taking classes and doing some trial and error experiments.  It wasn’t until I took a course that taught me how my money archetypes played a big role in my money success — and how they also held me back — that I began to understand what I had been doing wasn’t getting me where I wanted to be.  Then I learned what to do that would.

So if you aren’t happy with your lack of a money tree, it’s time to start growing your own!

I’m teaching a course on how to use your archetypes to your advantage so that you stop doing the things that sabotage your efforts.  Grow your money tree and create a foundational system to make and keep more money!  If you are interested, click here for more info.

Filed Under: Money Habits Tagged With: , , ,

It Matters To Be On Top Of Money Matters For Your Wealth Success

January 16, 2014 By

money guyMoney, one of my favorite topics!  Yet it wasn’t always like that.  I used to ignore it because I really didn’t understand it well.  I knew I liked to save money and not spend it once it was saved… but if it wasn’t saved, well, I liked to spend it!  Kind of contradictory right?

Well, no it really isn’t.

See, once I came to understand my money archetype, I realized my pattern wasn’t abnormal.  It was actually the way I ‘did’ money.  While sometimes I did money really well, other times I did not.  And when I wasn’t doing it well, that was when I became frustrated with not being on top of my money matters.

Here is a secret—and I’m sure I already shared this with you – how you do money is how you do everything.

Think about it.  Are there other areas in your life where you maintain really well for a while, and then one day just fall off the wagon (so to speak)?  Like with weight loss; you’re really good about watching what you eat and exercising, then once you slip up suddenly it’s all downhill.  Or you get on a roll attracting clients, then one day you realize they’re not lining up anymore and you’re wondering where did they all go.

It’s kind of like a psychological twist.  We have these patterns… and we often don’t even realize we have them!  Sometimes they work for us and sometimes they work against us.  Yet, once we know what they are, it is easy to get them to work for us on a regular basis.

So, why is it important to your wealth success to be on top of money?  Well, if you pay your utilities late, how does that help you?  If you don’t know what you have in your bank account and you overdraw, how does that help you?  If you can’t pay a creditor or vendor, how does that help you?  The answer is (and you don’t need me to tell you this), it doesn’t.

If you aren’t on top of your money, you can’t effectively build and lead your business to success… can you?  No, you can’t.

However, when you do money well, you live a healthy and wealthy life of joy and success, you feel good about yourself, and because of that you find more great things will come to you.

What are you doing to get on top of your money matters?

 

Filed Under: Money Habits Tagged With: , , ,

Want to Expand Time?

June 24, 2013 By

turn time backIs there a little voice in your head that seems to repeat “I don’t have enough time to get everything done” or “I wish I had more time to do other things”?  We always want and need additional time, yet if time is the one thing that is equal to all, why do other people seem to accomplish more?  Why can’t we get done what we want to in the time we have available?

Now first, I want to tell you that I struggled with time for years.  I was constantly late for everything (just ask my supervisors when I worked in corporate or my family).  I didn’t mean to be late; it just happened I never had enough time to get ready, to arrive on time, to be prepared.  Time was my enemy and we battled frequently.

I believe, as a whole, we think it takes too much time to get in shape, to live a healthy lifestyle, to work enough to support our families, or to sit down and plan for our future.  Shoot, it just takes too long to get through the grocery store once a week!  Right?

Well… no.  I have learned we actually have all the time that we need.

Here are three key lessons I want to share with you to release all the stress and overwhelm related to time.

Lesson #1:  Be clear about what you want to accomplish.  When you don’t know exactly what you want to accomplish, you can’t have a true idea about how long it will take.  However, knowing what your goal is gives you a starting point from which to plan what you need to do, assess how long it will take, and what you need to have in order to reach your goal in a timely manner.  So whether it’s to arrive on time somewhere, have more down-time or lose 10 pounds, know what you want.

Lesson #2:  Be realistic about how long a task will take.  How many times have you said something like “I’m going to quickly balance my checkbook” only to experience a string of problems that take far too long to fix?  Maybe you found a discrepancy in your accounting or realized you forgot to pay a bill.  When you are unrealistic (i.e. “quickly”) with how long something should take, time seems to shorten.  In order to expand time, you need to be practical. 

Lesson #3:  Plan your steps.  Here’s another one:  You found a great healthy recipe online and decide you are going to whip it together one evening for dinner.  When that evening arrives, however, you realize you don’t have all the ingredients on hand you thought you did.  Or by the time you dash into the kitchen and read the recipe again, you discover you were supposed to marinate something for a few hours first.  However, if you take the time to create action steps for this new recipe, you will have all the ingredients beforehand and allow the proper time to complete it.

In essence, once you take to heart the lessons I shared above, you will stop adding too much on your To Do list and putting undue pressure on yourself.   You’ll be much more at peace and find that you will have way more time than you thought.  I promise you will reach your goals and feel good about yourself again!

I’d love to hear your experiences.  As always, I invite you to write to me or feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below.  You never know how they may help someone else!

Filed Under: Money Habits, Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
« Previous Page