Leadership and Pleasing Outcomes

June 26, 2014 By

BLOG letters on corkboardToday I share my blog posts that you might have missed over the past few weeks. They are insightful and though-provoking. You know I like to inspire action and change!

Are you a leader?
What is leadership? Well, lots of people think it means leading others. But did you know that we lead ourselves too? You can only lead others successfully if you lead yourself well first. Click here for steps to guide and direct others so that you are in a leadership role in your work.

Create outcomes that are both pleasing and stress free!
Instead of living your life by the seat of your pants and reacting to all that happens to you – be in the driver’s seat and create outcomes that are both pleasing and stress free. Create a back-up plan; that “what if” plan. Be prepared and you’ll find that when your day throws you a curve ball, it can actually be quite enjoyable and fun. Continue reading here.

 

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Create Outcomes That Are Both Pleasing and Stress Free

June 19, 2014 By

Woman with computer problemsOne day last month on a Wednesday — which happens to be a busy day in my office — my Internet decided to go out for whatever reason. Well, most of my work is done using the Internet so you can imagine that threw me for a loop. And oh, by the way, I was also on a Blog Talk Radio Show at the time and got dropped from the call. Thank goodness for cell phones!

I called the provider only to be told that it will be back on later. Later??? Well, exactly WHEN later?

I had a 3:00pm call scheduled in which my client was calling me. And I had no way to reach her as she wasn’t going to be in her usual space. I had to do a few jumps through hoops to figure out how to let her know to call my cell phone. Okay, so I learned a lesson: when scheduling client calls, give them my cell phone as well so that in the case they dial and can’t get through, they have an alternative.

Usually we plan about, oh, 2 seconds into the future or okay, maybe 10 minutes. And usually we are okay. But for those times when we aren’t, what can we do in advance to ensure that we can always run optimally?

One thing we can do is to have a secondary (or back up) plan for our regular day-to-day operations. When your Internet goes out, how and where will you work. A second outfit for work so that if we spill or notice a stain on what we planned to wear we can quickly and easily change to something else. A second idea/way of doing things if our first (and preferential) way of doing it doesn’t pan out as planned.

The funny thing though is most of us DO plan for the “what ifs”, we just don’t put concrete actions into place. You know that “I need to back-up my computer because what if the hard drive dies” … yet do you back-up your computer? I didn’t until my hard drive was dying and I needed to send out my computer to be fixed. Now, however, I certainly do regularly it, in fact! I know I don’t want to go through that again. I was lucky, I had notice that my hard drive needed replacing, but some people aren’t that lucky!

Instead of living your life by the seat of your pants and reacting to all that happens to you – be in the driver’s seat and create outcomes that are both pleasing and stress free. Create a back-up plan; that “what if” plan. Be prepared and you’ll find that when your day throws you a curve ball, it can actually be quite enjoyable and fun.

By the way, I also did a Blog Talk Radio show on the ‘Best Laid Plan’, click here to listen: http://bit.ly/Q6oExQ

 

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Are you a Leader?

June 5, 2014 By

Successful business teamWhat is leadership? Well, lots of people think it means leading others. But did you know that we lead ourselves too? You can only lead others successfully if you lead yourself well first.

Leadership in a traditional meaning, means – management, control, but it also means guidance, direction. If you are in a leader role, which of those two words do you think would produce your desired results? If you said ‘guidance and direction’, you get the prize! A true leader leads by guidance and direction. They understand that ‘manage and control’ do not evoke the warm and fuzzies from those they are responsible for. We can lead ourselves in the same way. We only need to listen to our internal guidance — our instincts, intuition or gut.

I worked with one manager of a fast food chain and she was struggling with her supervisors. The supervisors were taking a very strong position with the employees and the employees were pushing back and pretty much doing everything but what they were responsible for doing. My client was getting all up in arms about why her supervisors weren’t listening to her advice regarding the situation. It was quite interesting because the manager was behaving exactly as the supervisors were! She was taking a strong position with her supervisors so no wonder the results were less than expected.

What the manager soon realized was that she was being ineffective because she was managing and controlling the situation. What she needed to do was to guide and give direction. They all knew the outcome they wanted to achieve, yet were nowhere near reaching it. So she and I worked together to come up with the steps she needed to take — in a guiding and directing way — in order to reach the goals.

Here are some steps to guide and direct others so that you are in a leadership role in your work.

  1. Get the employee buy-in. In order to work in a team environment you need to know what motivates your team members. Now, there are a number of ways to do this but what I’m talking about is making the person(s) feel like they are an integral part to the overall goal and outcome. If someone feels like they are going to be making a difference, they are much more inclined to take action without resistance.
  2. Ask the employee how they see themselves involved in the work. People love to be asked for their opinions and thoughts — and even expertise.       If you engage your employee in the goal, and ask them how they see themselves participating and contributing, you will gain their trust and they will be eager to please and go above and beyond your expectations.
  3. Don’t take things personally and get out of the way. Many managers fail to become proficient at leading. They go back into the old manage and control paradigm and forget about the guidance and direction paradigm. This mostly happens because you are in charge and the fall-guy if people are not working out, so you feel that you need to manage and manipulate your workers. As we already found out, that doesn’t work out so well! Maybe you feel that if you don’t do things in a certain manner, you’ll be the one looking for a new job. So you actually manage/lead by fear; fear of you not living up to the expectations of your superiors and that is never a good place to be.

Leadership is a fine balance of allowing some independence of your employees and being the driver of the situation. Yet as the saying goes, and how true it is, “You get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.” Do you want happy, productive, willing employees or do you want unhappy, disgruntled and negative employees? My guess is the former!

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Puzzles, Perfectionists and Perception

May 29, 2014 By

BLOG letters on corkboardI’ve decided to experiment with a new format. Usually I provide one article, but today I share my blog posts that you might have missed. They are insightful and though-provoking. You know I like to inspire action and change! Let me know what you think of the new format!

Do you like puzzles?
Life is like a jigsaw puzzle. There are lots of pieces that show up – often as problems – and you must try to solve them one after the other, and often it feels as if there are too many pieces and too many puzzles. Click here to read more…

Do you believe it?
Life is such a joy! Ok, give it to me. You thought or said to yourself “Really? Is she serious?” I know you did because I come across so many people who think that life has to be hard and things have to be difficult. They’re the ones that when something goes easy and simply, they wonder when the other shoe is going to fall. How did we get to this place of expecting the other shoe to fall? Why do we always look for what is wrong? Finish reading…

Are you too perfect?
Are you a perfectionist? Ah there it is, it’s out in the open. Did you say “Yes I am” loud and proud or did you said “Yes I am but I’m trying not to be”? But what is a perfectionist… really? Continue reading…

 

 

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Are you too perfect?

May 22, 2014 By

scoldedAre you a perfectionist?

Ah there it is, it’s out in the open. Did you say “Yes I am” loud and proud or did you said “Yes I am but I’m trying not to be”? But what is a perfectionist… really? Well, it’s a pain in the arse so to speak. It is someone for whom ‘good enough’ is never enough and they constantly tweak, fix and oftentimes never finish. A perfectionist agonizes over making decisions and choices. A perfectionist has a hard time answering questions. A perfectionist causes a lot of stress and anxiety not only for themselves but those around them.

What happens is that perfectionism often creates a lot of turmoil in our lives. It can take the joy out of life and truthfully it can drive people around us crazy. Perfectionism can show up for us when we are feeling ‘less than’, like we aren’t good enough or have to prove ourselves. We may have had an experience in our childhood — or adulthood actually — where we were criticized over something that made us feel that we had to be better and better.

I have a client (I’ll call her Jane) who was always compared to her sibling. Her mother would say “You are so immature. Why can’t you be more like your sister? She is mature and you aren’t.” So no wonder Jane felt that she needed to constantly strive do more. This experience has reinforced in her that she isn’t good enough in any aspect of her life and she is persistently going above and beyond to prove that she is good enough. Jane often goes to the place of “Why should I bother, nothing I do is ever good enough?” This translates into quite a lot of stress and negative energy in her life and her business.

Jane needed to change her ‘inner story’ in order to change her ‘outer results’. And once she got to the point where “good enough is good enough” she was finally able to be free of the “I’m not good enough” story that had ruled her life. She began to have more joy in her life and her business began to thrive. When she let go of being perfect, she let go of all of the negative energy that was surrounding her and creating a force field, if you will, that repelled what she actually wanted.

Perfectionist tendencies show up in all areas of our lives and remember, how we do one thing is how we do everything. While we want to put our best self and our best work forward, we also want to make sure that we aren’t creating situations where it is impossible to even get forward.

So where might you be holding yourself back because something isn’t perfect enough?

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How great are you?

May 15, 2014 By

smily face.jpgI have aligned myself with others who share similar interests and philosophies and theories when it comes to living a great life.

So just how great are you? Would you say – like Muhammad Ali did –“I am the greatest”? Or would you say “I’m not that great”? You are truly greater and wiser than you think you are. So then, how can you begin to live in what Jay Forte calls ‘Your Greatness Zone’? If you aren’t sure of what that is, get his book click here.

One of the things I know for sure is that we weren’t put on this earth to be average; we were put here to be great! We were put here to excel and to share our gifts. Everyone has different gifts and talents. Sadly, many of us have been formed into a life of what others thought would be best for us. I have a client who went to school to become an accountant because that is what her father said she should do. She hated it, and so after many years decided to do something else. She is now a Reiki master and loves what she does. Another client became an engineer because his father was one and expected him to be one too. There was no other alternative for this person. He is still an engineer only he has learned to use his skills, talents and gifts to his advantage and has come to love his work.

My own story is that I didn’t excel in school. I never felt smart and was never encouraged to try new things. I was encouraged to do the best I could… but what was I best at? I did not know. When it came time to finish high school I did not have a plan of what I was going to do. I knew I had to do something, so I enrolled in the local community college and got an Associate degree in Secretarial Sciences. I worked in that field for about 25 years. In the middle of my 25-year-role in support, I got my business degree and began teaching group exercise: both of which I loved. I realized my greatness was to teach, inspire and help others live fabulous lives and to help business owners and leaders excel at what they do best.

Here are a few things to think about in order for you to begin tapping into your greatness:

  • Figure out what makes your heart sing. What are you good at? What comes naturally to you? What do you love to do – so much that when you are doing it you lose track of time? What is easy for you? What do you always jump at doing? For the next week, make a list of what you notice.
  • Your childhood interests. Think back to when you were young, what did you love to play? For me, I loved to play teacher – not surprising then that I found teaching was what felt great to me. Take some time next week to list out all those things you loved to do as a child, whether playing with others or by yourself.
  • What have other people complimented you on? This is eye opening. We get feedback all the time from others – usually we only pay attention to the negative feedback or that which we do not like. But I know you have been given compliments or comments that you probably haven’t paid much attention to. Think about comments others have said to you – such as “You are really calm, you do a great job at organizing parties. How do you get so much done?” Or an even better idea is to ask 5-10 trusted friends/colleagues what they think you do particularly well.

Remember what I said about you being greater and wiser than you think you are. Ask yourself “What do I want to be great at? What will bring me the most happiness and joy? How can I live a great life?” Then set some time aside to start planning and creating what you want for yourself and watch what amazing opportunities, people and experiences start coming into your life.

I’m so sure that you’ll have amazing things come into your life and I’d love to hear about them. Please post to my blog below or reply to this email!

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Do you believe it?

May 8, 2014 By

searching with sunsetLife is such a joy!

Ok, give it to me.  You thought or said to yourself “Really?  Is she serious?”  I know you did because I come across so many people who think that life has to be hard and things have to be difficult.  They’re the ones that when something goes easy and simply, they wonder when the other shoe is going to fall.

How did we get to this place of expecting the other shoe to fall?  Why do we always look for what is wrong?

Instead, why can’t we look for things that are right?  Well, we can!  And, in fact, that is one thing I have been asking (and in some cases challenging) my clients and pretty much anyone around me to do – look for the right and good in every situation.  When we look for what is right, it is easy to find the joy.

Where in your life can you look for what is right?  And please don’t say “nowhere” because there most certainly is.

Let me give you an example.  A business client of mine was struggling to get clients and kept listing all the things she felt were going wrong for her.  I asked her to stop being negative and look at something that was going well.  Yes, at first she told me that nothing was.  However, upon further contemplation she realized she just had an opportunity to meet a person who was looking for someone in her line of work.  And so there was something that was right… she met a viable prospect seemingly by chance.  With a new positive attitude, in the end she got that contract with this person and several others that followed!

My suggestion is that the next time you think everything is going wrong in your life… stop yourself and purposely look for what is right.  Once you find what is going right and focus on it, you will move yourself from being stuck to taking action and moving forward.  You’ll have a lot more success and so much less stress!

 

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Do You Like Puzzles?

May 1, 2014 By

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERALife is like a jigsaw puzzle.  There are lots of pieces that show up – often as problems – and you must try to solve them one after the other, and often it feels as if there are too many pieces and too many puzzles.

Yet as Erma Bombeck said, “If life is like a bowl of cherries, what am I doing in the pits?”  Often we feel like we are in the pits and everything around us sucks.  But it’s just that old ‘poor me’ feeling that shows up and makes us all feel less than.  In reality, we are really more than we need, and we always have everything we need when we need it.

I’m talking about resiliency.  Being flexible in life makes all the difference in the world!  When you are rigid, not only do you shut yourself off from experiences but you also shut yourself off from the world… from evolution.  Adaptability makes putting the pieces of your puzzle together ever so much easier.  It allows you to see a solution where otherwise you might not have seen one.  You will perceive opportunities often before they appear.  You will be freer and happier and more joyful.  While the rest of the world is tied up in a pretzel, you will make great strides in your life.

We often think that we have no choices, when in fact there is always a choice – and by being flexible it makes it much easier to appreciate that.  Granted, not all choices will be great ones, but do not mistake the fact that while you might not like the choice, you always do have one.

True, everyone’s puzzle is unique.  We are all distinctive and special in our own right.  What is right for me is not right for someone else and vice versa.  We must each know how we want our lives to be in order to fit the pieces of our puzzle together.

Often we try to fit a piece into our puzzle then we realize that it just doesn’t fit.  And no matter what we have tried to get it to fit, forcing it just doesn’t work.  Therefore, it is perfectly acceptable and okay to say ‘no’ once you have said ‘yes’… and even the reverse is okay!  This is how we make our puzzle less challenging to solve.

So how do you complete your puzzle?  By knowing exactly what pieces fit your puzzle exactly right.

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Do you have an Inner Bully?

April 24, 2014 By

???????????????No doubt you are familiar — on some level — with bullying from others.  I am not going to tackle that subject here because it is such a big one and I wouldn’t be able to do it justice.  However, what I do want to write about is your inner bully.

We all have one – some people may call it the inner critic, gremlin, inner tormentor, inner committee.  No matter what you name it, it is that voice in your head that says things like:  “You aren’t good enough”, “What were you thinking?”, “Are you crazy”? And all the other things you have said to yourself that do nothing but beat yourself up.

I’ve been intrigued with this inner bully for a while.  I’ve been a victim of it.  I have said things to myself that I would never say to another person.  And I know from working with my private clients that others do it too.  Why?  Well, lots of reasons… but the one I want to address is the need to preserve ourselves; to protect ourselves from fear of failure or even success.

Women are especially hard on themselves.  Women in business are even more so.  We say things like, “You are so stupid; who would hire you?”  Or “Who do you think you are?  You’ll never get any clients.”  This inner bully does nothing but cause inner pain and turmoil.  But it also keeps us safe.  And if we are safe, we can’t fail… or succeed, as the case may be.

For whatever reason, humans get comfortable with what they know.  Fear of failure and success can be scary.  If we upset the balance of our life, others might challenge us and no one likes confrontation (or at least from what I see they don’t).

Yet we all want so much more.  To have a great business; a fun job; to be thin, healthy and fit; to enjoy life.  So then, it’s important to mute our inner bully and raise the volume of the inner supporter.  We need to set goals — and timelines for reaching those goals — to get those fabulous clients, that great job, lose that weight and have the life we deserve.  It’s just waiting for us to grab it!

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Do you like your box?

March 27, 2014 By

Woman in red in box.jpgI just came back from a trip to Aruba.  I’ve been there before and love it so much, I’ll go again.  I’ve stayed at the same hotel the past five times but this trip I was at a different hotel.  That’s because my regular hotel — the one I liked and felt comfortable at — closed!  Oh the horrors!  So I put on my big girl pants and embarked on a trip that felt “normal” and comfortable but would be different.

It occurred to me that the same ole same ole, while it is comforting, can work to my disadvantage by keeping me in a comfort zone — aka a box!  I hate being in the box.  But I like my box!  Yet it also means that I’m not living my life and seeing and doing new things!  How did this happen?  Well, for one, I was happy at the hotel I stayed at.  I knew the people and what I’d get, and I liked that.  AND guess what?  That is a good thing.  Just like I create the “know, like and trust factor” for my clients.  Once they get to know me, they like me and then they trust me and stay with me, investing in themselves and getting great results and support.

So then how is this different?  It isn’t really.  My hotel created an experience that I really enjoyed and, truth be told, if it was still open I’d have stayed there this time!  I was happy there, I liked it there and I got what I wanted there.  Just like my clients stay with me.

What I noticed was that the idea of the change was something I didn’t like.  It was because I had to stay at a different hotel; it wasn’t my choice.  I hate that!  Don’t you?  Yup, there it is!  It’s the fact that I didn’t have control of the change.  I had to do it.

Thinking about this though, I see that there is value in having to make a change in your life.  It means that you must come out of your box and do something different.  I know from experience that there is such growth and happiness in coming out of the box and doing something new.

I have a few tips for you as you either choose change (i.e. get out of your box) for yourself or find yourself in a situation such as mine:

  1. There are no mistakes.  If you embrace it, you will soon see that no matter what it is that changes for you, there are opportunities for you to see something different, experience something new and become a more diverse individual.
  2. Every experience is an opportunity for a new beginning.  If you look at change as an opportunity then it no longer is a negative experience.  This viewpoint gives you the chance to behave differently and have an amazing outcome.  It becomes positive and increases the likelihood of having it turnout even better than you imagined.
  3. Embrace change.  Fighting it creates stress and frustration.  Embracing change gives you peace of mind.  And as mentioned above, the opportunity for having an outcome better than you imagined is possible when you embrace change.

In case you are wondering, I had a fabulous time.  I met amazing people whom we wouldn’t have met if we had been at the other hotel.  I got out of my comfort zone and had to navigate the new hotel.  My eyes were fresh, I was more alert and reminded that when I get out of my box, my world is so much more exciting and so much more fun!  Since I’m all about having fun, it’s a great reminder!

Let me ask you this: if you were to let go and trust that things will work out exactly as they are supposed to, wouldn’t you feel more relaxed?  Wouldn’t you be open and receptive to what comes to you?  I think you would.  I’d love to hear your experiences, please feel free to write me personally or post your comments below!

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