Are You Kidding Me?!

September 11, 2013 By

Are you kidding me?!As business owners we often try lots of things to build our business.  We go to networking events, meet new people, and try marketing different ways.  Some things work and some do not.  This is the same for health and fitness; in our quest to be healthy, lose weight and get off medications, we try lots of things.  Some stuff works and some stuff doesn’t.

To be successful in both business and health we need to do what will work for us… and what works for us does not necessarily work for others.  We get disappointed when we try something that someone else swears by and we don’t end up with the same results.  We usually find ourselves saying “Are you kidding me?!  I just spent all this time or all this money and it didn’t work!”

Well, in my book that’s actually a good thing!  Why?  Because now we know what doesn’t work so we can move on to something that will.

Sure, occasionally it means giving stuff up.  A business client of mine joined a networking group that met weekly in the early morning.  She hadn’t wanted to join this group because she wasn’t a morning person (especially when having to be somewhere early), the meetings were a regular set-in-stone routine (which she didn’t do well with) and it was all for in-person work (she actually did lots of virtual and over the phone work). But because she was told by others that this was the way to build her business, she did it and went against what she knew to be true for her.

She told me how miserable she was after “spending all this money” to join and how it was actually taking her away from growing her business and her clients.  I asked her what she wanted to do about it.  She said she couldn’t drop out because of the money she invested and the commitment she made.  So I pointed out that it was working against her and costing her time and money.  That in order for her to do what she wanted to do, and what would be more in line with what would work for her style, “dropping out” didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

Her response to me was (you probably already guessed), “Are you kidding me?!  And waste it all?!”  No, I wasn’t.  She didn’t waste a single moment; she actually gained a whole lot.  She now knew that this type of activity was not for her and did not do her business any good – in fact, it held her back.  There is such value in that!

When you sell yourself out, you can pretty much count on stress, frustration and overwhelm to be at your door.  On the other hand, you will never disappoint yourself if you follow your heart and do what makes you happy.  It’s really quite simple: when you honor yourself and what you want, and do what you love with enthusiasm, and it will all be effortless.

Are you still skeptical like my client was?  Here are several tips to help you:

  • Know what you are doing and why you want to do it.
  • Know your likes and dislikes because when you know yourself, you never have to second guess yourself.
  • Trust you are the best judge and no matter what anyone else has to say, you are the only person that knows you and what pleases you.

If you are still saying “Are you kidding me?!  I can’t do this or that because (you fill in the blank)”, I want to know why.  Email me personally or share your thoughts, insights and revelations below. Let’s get you past this hurdle!

 

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , , ,

Wonder Why You Can’t Reach Your Goals?

July 22, 2013 By

goalThere was a long period in my life where it seemed to me I wasn’t reaching my goals.  What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was out of alignment with my values, so reaching my goals was next to impossible.  And why I didn’t realize this was because I didn’t even know what a value was!  Oh sure, I knew the ‘value’ of something I was buying:  was I getting a good value on the new car or was that a good value for the dinner I wanted.  Stuff like that.  However, I had no idea that lacking my own personal values was causing me to be so unhappy and never attaining what I wanted (aka my goals).

OK, so what is a value?  Well you know me, I like to pull out the thesaurus.  When it comes to your personal values, some of the words that come up are: importance, worth, significant, and meaning.

A personal value can easily be defined as your preferences.  I have a very high value for freedom and fun and, yes, those are my preferences.  Maybe you can relate.  I like to have fun and when I have fun, I feel really good… and since I like to feel good, fun, therefore, is important to me.  I also like not being told to do things – one of the reasons I decided to quit working for someone else and go out on my own.  I get to create the freedom I want (and really, ultimately need).

If you are having a hard time getting results and reaching your goals, check in with your values.  Chances are your values are not being met… or, like I used to be, you really don’t even know what you value.

So to give you an idea of what values are, here is a short list:

  • Compassion
  • Comfort
  • Ease
  • Energy
  • Faith
  • Freedom
  • Fun
  • Intellect
  • Love
  • Mindfulness
  • Perfection
  • Professionalism
  • Respect
  • Sharing
  • Thoughtfulness

Personal values are internal and act as a reference for what is good, beneficial, important and useful for us… no one else.  They generate behavior.  For instance, let’s say your top three values are:  fun, ease and love.  You have decided you want to get in shape.  If you incorporate your top three values of fun, ease and love into your workout plan, you can bet your behavior is going to bring you success.  You would find something you really have fun doing like taking a dance class, that fits into your schedule with ease, and you show your love for yourself (yes, you can love yourself just like you love the others in your life) by committing to going regularly.

Another example: you are a new business owner and trying to figure out how to run your business.  You value compassion, professionalism and respect.  You would set up your business by creating systems that support your top three values.  To satisfy your value of compassion, you would speak kindly to your prospective and/or current clients.  Your value of professionalism would show up in being timely with invoices, paying bills and returning calls/emails.  Your value of respect shows your clients that you have a high opinion of them and you genuinely care and are authentic.  As a business owner, these all will lead to prospective clients getting to know, like and trust you.  Not only are you able to help more people, but you are able to generate more income all while honoring your values.  It’s a win/win situation all around.

Once you know your values, your life becomes simply the best with grace and ease and you find that you are in a flow.  You get what you want quickly and your goals get accomplished faster.  Everything comes easy.  And one other thing happens, you know what goals you want to work on and how you are going to reach them!

You know I love to hear your success stories, and this one is no different.  I would love for you to shoot me an email or share on my Facebook page.  I always love that because then you get to help others just by sharing your success!  Also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , ,

How Independent Are You?

July 8, 2013 By

flag and fireworksWe just celebrated Independence Day in the United States and it got me thinking about being independent.  Many of us think we are independent yet we really aren’t.  We are often driven by outside influences, some people refer to them as ‘outside forces’, that work against us… or so we believe.  Truth be told, we have all the power to be independent right within us.

What does independent mean anyway?  Some other words are:  self-governing, self-determining, self-regulating and my favorite, free.

How many times have you made a decision based on how it would positively affect those around you?  Think about it.  You believed if you made a certain choice, something you truly wanted to do, that it would upset or inconvenience someone else… so you didn’t.  You didn’t go out to dinner with your girlfriends because your spouse would have to prepare his own dinner on the fly.  You didn’t attend a one-day seminar on a topic that really interested you because your mom wanted you to help clean out her closets that day.

Is that being independent?

It’s true, we think we are acting of our own free will but instead we often put our own wants, desires and needs aside to please someone else.  Now I’m not saying for you to stop doing that, what I am bringing to the table is to think about how many times you are acting independently.

Dependency is sneaky; sometimes we don’t even know we are being that way and falling into the trap.  We think we’re doing something nice for our spouse, our children, our parents, or our friends but then we get annoyed at them because—for goodness sake!—we are doing it for them and they don’t even appreciate what we’re giving up.

When you decide to lose weight for someone other than yourself, you are being dependent.  When you say yes when you want to say no, you are being dependent.  If you truly want to be independent, you must start speaking up and making your needs and wants known.  You will also have to be prepared for someone to get upset with you or inconvenienced.  It’s how it goes.  You can’t please everyone all the time.

Some very simple (yet not often easy) ways for you to empower yourself are:

  1. Say YES when you really want to.
  2. Say NO when you really want to.
  3. Don’t be afraid to say NO after you have said YES.

It’s absolutely amazing when you empower yourself, those around you are both inspired and empowered, too.  Don’t you think you deserve that?  Don’t you think your loved ones deserve that?  Absolutely, you all do!

In the end, the true independence you give yourself will be well worth it.  You will be happy with your life and your decisions.  You will wholeheartedly be there for those you love, while allowing them to become independent also.  Together you will create unity, freedom… and justice for all!

I would love for you to share what you have done to assert your independence and inspire it in others. Please share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Do You Think Confidence Equals Success?

May 24, 2013 By

Thermometer - Confidence Level

If you said yes, you would be on the right path to your success.  Confidence plays a huge role in our personal and professional lives.  When we are confident and feel good about what we are doing and how we are doing it, we do more of it and that brings more success.

Take weight loss for example.  I have several clients who felt a lot of doubt about whether they could get in shape and be healthy.  (By the way, doubt is the antonym of confidence.)  What they learned was that their success was directly related to confidence.  And oh yeah, once they started to see that, boy did they get amazing results!

Don’t take my word for it.  Just ask 22-year-old Torey Krug a Boston Bruins defenseman who played most of the season in the minor league.  Inserted into the Bruins lineup during the playoffs due to injuries of veteran players, he scored two amazing goals in his first two games.  He was asked by a local broadcaster what he thought attributed to his success.  Torey’s answer:  confidence.  Keep in mind this kid was no Wayne Gretzky out of college.  He went undrafted.  Could he have felt doubt, sure, but he didn’t because he knows the road to success is paved with confidence.

“Ya but…” I can hear you saying.  It’s normal to feel doubt, uncertainty, hesitation and all the feelings of ‘I can’t’.  But really, what if you could?  What if you could feel confident right now no matter what?  How would that change your outlook?  What would you do?

Here are three tips to help you feel more confident so that what you want to achieve seems to simply appear.

Tip 1:  Think back to a time when you felt really great about accomplishing something.  Was it when you finally got off the couch and took a walk or got the courage up to join a group exercise class or began a weight loss program and lost weight right away?  Whatever it was, tap into those feelings.  Those are your touchstones for recalling a feeling confidence and ultimately success.  Write down those feelings and read them regularly – daily is a good idea and first thing in the morning and often last thing in the evening (and during the day if needed).  This helps you maintain a high level of confidence.

Tip 2:  Keep the reason you want to reach your goal top of mind.  When you know why you are doing something, it is much easier to stick to it.  If you decide you are finally getting off the seesaw of diet and exercise and making changes that are part of a healthy and fit lifestyle —write down your whys.  They might be because you want to:  look great, feel energized, join in family outings or participate in your life again rather than sit on the sidelines.  Write them all down and then—just like your feelings of confidence—review them often.

Tip 3:  Get the support you need.  Ask a trusted friend to hold you accountable to your actions and behaviors.  Don’t forget to have them help you though the rough points, too, when you aren’t feeling the confidence you want to reach your success.  Hire a coach.  A coach is someone who is completely on your side, they have your best interests at heart and they are not attached to the outcome which means they are solely there for you and your success.  A coach can help you through the doubts and to feeling and being confident faster.  My clients have reached their goals because they stepped up and worked with me.  I also have a coach, and I can personally attest to having way more confidence and success simply by having a coach on my side.

I challenge you this week to pay attention to when you are feeling doubt.  How and when does it appear… and what follows?  Can you turn it around and stride confidently toward your success?  I bet you can.  I’d love for you to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , ,

Want To Lose Weight? Start Paying Attention To Yourself.

March 25, 2013 By

SelfIf I told you that taking time for yourself would lead to weight loss, a better body and improved self-image, would you do it?  Many of my clients are super busy in both their personal and their professional lives.  However, when I work with them, they come to realize when they put themselves first they start to lose weight, feel great and look great.  They didn’t think they had time to do something for themselves, but once they saw that they did and what it did for them, they soon changed their tune.

Taking time for yourself gives you that pause.  In yoga we talk about the pause between the inhale and exhale, and wow, it is luxurious—you only need to experience it once to know how absolutely amazing it is.  In life we talk about that pause as peace of mind.  When you rush from one thing to the other, things get overlooked and you get overlooked.  In our quest for doing more, getting more done, and pleasing others we leave a lot of stuff out or just plain forget.

To demonstrate my point, have any of these happened to you?

  • You get out the door and realize you don’t have your car keys.
  • You realize that you forgot to brush your teeth as you drop your kids off at school.
  • You left the dog outside (that’s my personal opps) and he’s a barker.
  • You race to pick up the kids and they say “We thought you forgot us.”
  • You glance at yourself in the mirror and see that you look like a madwoman because you haven’t had your hair cut in oh-you-can’t-even-remember- when.
  • You forgot the presentation… or worse, you forgot you had a presentation.
  • You notice you have on one black shoe and one blue shoe.  (No lie; my female executives have this happen all the time)
  • Or again, worse, you realize you forgot your shoes and only have flip flops on with that beautiful business suit (which happens to be wrinkled) on the day of your important presentation.

Yes, many of my clients have had those things happen.  You didn’t think I made them all up did you?

However, many of these same clients have gone on to create their ideal image of themselves and their lives… and now live those ideals!  You can be exactly who you want to be, feeling great and looking great.

I know you are wondering how my clients have created—and now live—their ideal life.  Here are the three most important principles they followed.

  1. They created a vision of their ideal life.  They took the time to write out what they ideally wanted to have in their life.  Spend sometime this week and write out what you want from your life and in your life.  Write how you want to be, what you want to do and how it will look and feel when you have it.  Then keep it close and look at it regularly.
  2. They changed how they talked to themselves.  When we are unhappy about ourselves, it usually means there is a lot of negative self-talk going on.  “You are so stupid, how could you forget that presentation?”  “Oh sure, there you go again, eating all of the chips/cookies/candy, you’ll never lose that weight.”  Stop berating yourself for careless mistakes and remember you are human.  Change how you talk to yourself and about yourself and watch that bad body image and unwanted weight disappear.  And in its place you’ll find a new, beautiful you!
  3. They BOTHERED.  When you don’t have a clear vision of what you want your life to be like and look like and you engage in negative self talk, you are usually in a place of “why bother?”  You feel that nothing is going to change anyway, so…why bother.  People who are successful in their weight loss (or anything for that matter), do bother.  They take the time to make plans and then they carry them out.  To be successful you have to bother, you have to take action and you have to follow through.

I have so many clients who have bothered.  They bothered to take the time for themselves to make themselves look and feel better.  Take the time to bother with yourself.  Take the time to go to the hair and nail salon or the gym.  Hire a personal trainer or a coach.  Take your suits to the dry cleaners or get the iron out and do it yourself.  Organize your closet so the blue shoes are with the blues and the black shoes with the blacks!  Begin to eat better and look at yourself in a whole new light.

You’ll find that the self talk becomes more positive – and the results are amazing all because you bothered.  Weight loss, stress reduction, happiness and so much more will follow!  Watch it all work out in such remarkable ways!

So tell me, are you going to stay in that bad body image and negative self talk, being overweight, in ill health and ‘why bother’ state… or are you going to shed it all and shine?

Now if you pardon me it’s time for my manicure.  See, I practice what I preach.  It is important for me to take good care of myself.  I know it is such a big factor in my success both to my personal and professional life, so I’m off!

I would love to have you share what you do to take care of yourself!

 

Filed Under: Personal Development, Weight loss Tagged With: , , , , ,

Three Steps to Success

March 11, 2013 By

goals listIt’s a small, four-letter word and it isn’t even a bad one, though most of us shy away from it!  When we do, sadly we also fail to reach our goals.  I know you are eager to know what that word is.  It is PLAN.  It also means: map, chart, diagram, sketch, and arrangement.  Simple enough, right?  Well then why do people not plan for their success?

This is a subject that constantly comes up.  We all have heard the quote “when you fail to plan you plan to fail.”  And it means that when you don’t set goals, wants, or intentions (or whatever you like to call them) you have no way of getting what you want!

With my coaching clients, we set specific plans together.  They know exactly what they are going to do, when and how.  When I work with my in-person fitness groups, they also set a plan for how they are going to reach their goals while they are in my program.

Let’s take weight loss… or even eating better.  You might not need to lose weight but I can almost bet at one point or another in your life you have said “I would like to eat better” or a variation of that.  (However, if you haven’t, please reach out to me.  I’d love to hear how you eat healthy on a regular basis; you are an inspiration!)  Most people say “I need to lose weight, I want to lose 10 lbs, I want to eat better, I need to eat better…” you get the idea.  And then that’s all they do.  That is as far as they get and then wonder why nothing happens.  Oh sure, they may go to the gym, walk, or cut back on certain foods, but there’s a missing piece.  There is no target, no date for when they will do this, and there is definitely no action plan.

Let’s see if I can’t help you move forward.  Here are three steps (I’m keeping it simple) for you to use to make your plan, follow through and experience the results of your plan.  By the way, this can be used for anything that you want to get or have in your life.  My big AHA was when I realized that I can use planning to get anything I want in my life – eating better, exercising more, and planning for a trip or an event.  Anything!

Step 1 – State what it is you want.  This is your goal, intention, target, purpose, and aim.  Get out some paper, a notebook, or your laptop and write this down.  This is your starting point.  Be as descriptive as possible.  “I will lose 10 lbs by eating healthy and exercising.”  State your end date, and make sure you give yourself ample time but not too much time.  You want it to be do-able but not so far into the future that you forget or don’t have anything to push you.

Step 2 – Create your roadmap.  This is where you write down all that you will do to reach your goals.  Using the goal above, here is an example:  “I will lose 10 lbs by eating healthy and exercising.  I will do this by going to the gym 2x a week and taking a cycling class and a muscle conditioning class.  I will plan out my meals and snacks for the week so that I know what I am eating and can shop for healthy ingredients.  I will drink 6-8 glasses of water a day.  I will keep track of my actions on my log sheet that I will create to hold myself accountable.  I will check in with my accountability partner weekly (or daily if I feel I need more support).  I am successful and I am already feeling great.  I am happy with my results.”  Make sure you end your plan with how you want to feel by using an “I am” statement.  It will help you stay on target to reach your goals!

Step 3 – Be accountable.  Another word for accountable is responsible.  Be in charge of your results and your destiny.  If you can’t trust yourself to do this, then you need to have a trusted friend or hire a coach.  This is the part where the rubber meets the road.  If you aren’t taking your steps, why?  When we tell others our goals, we almost always follow through.  It’s key to not try this on your own.  I recommend getting a notebook for you to track your actions and the results.  If you say you are going to drink 6 glasses of water a day (remember to be specific), how do you know that you did it?  Write it down; record it in a log sheet.  Keep yourself on target with useful tools like logs, plus they make it fun to report to your accountability partner.

That’s it!  The best part is that by keeping track of your goals, you see the results even if the scale didn’t budge.  You can see you are working at your goal and that by itself is such a great feeling!  It is all there and you can course-correct and make changes when you see something not working and do more of what is working.  That’s a beautiful thing!

I would love to hear how you do with following my three steps.  It doesn’t just have to be related to health, I’d love to hear how you have used them—or any tips—to be successful! Please share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Reaching Goals, Weight loss Tagged With: , , ,

How do you see stress?

February 25, 2013 By

stress ballDo you see stress as a bad thing?  Most of us do.  Guess what?  It doesn’t have to always be bad.  You can use stress to get things done, motivate yourself and feel good about reaching your goals.

I’m sure you are saying to yourself, “Hold on here, I am trying to get rid of stress, not take any more on!”  While that is true of the bad stress, also known as distress, what you may need more of is the good stress, eustress.  Eustress is stress that is deemed healthful or giving the feeling of fulfillment.  It helps us meet our goals, take action and eliminate the bad stress.  Physical exercise is a form of good stress–it is the action of working out that places some degree of stress on the body that ultimately develops and improves our lungs, heart and muscles.  It releases endorphins that help elevate our moods and protect from depression.

Ok, so aside from physical exercise being eustress, watching a scary movie, riding a roller coaster, and feeling excitement at the top of a ski slope are some other examples of eustress.  Athletes feel eustress prior to taking the field and speakers feel it before to giving their talk.  It often helps fuel us to keep moving forward, doing just a little bit more and more until we have met our objectives.

On the flip side, most of us know and understand the negative impacts in our lives from too much bad stress such as, but not limited to:

  • High blood pressure
  • High Cholesterol
  • Heart Disease
  • Depression
  • Diabetes
  • Obesity
  • Short Temper
  • Coping Challenges

Recognizing where you now, as a result of destructive stress, gives you the opportunity to change what is going on in your life whether it be poor health or poor relationships.

Here are a few suggestions to try as you change how you look at the stress to reduce and eliminate the bad stress:

  1. Stop looking at everything as negative.  It is natural to always say “I knew that was going to happen” or “Nothing works out the way it should.”  Instead, think along the lines of “Everything happens for a reason, and that wasn’t meant to be right now” or “Next time it’ll work out better.”  Look at what is going on in your life with a positive spin so that you can let go of negative feelings.
  2. Determine who is putting the bad stress on you.  Often it is you who puts the stress on you!  Sometimes, it is an outside force.  What matters is that you see where it is coming from and then take steps to change how you are reacting so that you respond in a way that is not stressful.
  3. Turn your attention to the outcome.  Make a plan and put deadlines on it so that you finish what you want to accomplish in a reasonable timeframe.  This puts the emphasis on the outcome and the deadline is the eustress.  Use the feelings of accomplishment as something that will motivate you.
  4. Remove the obstacles.  Do you have time stress, too much to do stress, or guilt stress?  Identify the obstacles and letting go or re-working them releases you to be stress-free.

Once you look at your stress differently, it’s time to put some eustress tactics into action.

  1. Challenge yourself daily.  If you work out, try a new exercise or add weight to your routine.  If you like to exercise outdoors, try a different route.  If you are afraid to speak up to someone, challenge yourself to speak up for yourself.
  2. Stop being afraid of trying something for the first time.  Afraid to ski?  Find the smallest hill and stand at the top, go down it and feel the excitement—that’s good stress!  Afraid to speak in front of people? Know that the feeling you will get when you’re done will be amazing and make it all worthwhile.  Again, the eustress will lift and carry you forward!
  3. Don’t mistake your stress.  Often something that feels scary really is good stress.  It’s easier to just say “I’m so stressed” no matter what the circumstances because it is a habit and it feels comfortable.  That stress may be what you need to accelerate your life!
  4. Obstacles can move you forward.  Are you avoiding doing something or constantly doing something that causes you anxiety?  It could be that you once you tackle and accomplish them, you can lay that pressure aside or discover that you just took one giant leap ahead.

Remember, stress does not have to be bad—as you can see, it can be good.  The trick is to adopt the attitude to have more eustress and less distress.  That is where the freedom lies, where the accomplishment lies and where the joy lies.

Now that you see stress differently, how will your life be better?  How will you be better?  Feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , ,

Too much to do? How to not go crazy!

December 26, 2012 By

It never fails; you have a lot to do.  You have a lot you want to do.  You even go so far as to choose exactly what it is you are going to do by creating a to-do list.  Yet somehow you always feel stressed out, overwhelmed and pulled in several directions.  Why does that always happen?

There are many reasons, but more often than not it has to do with unrealistic expectations.  I see it time and again with my clients… and I’ve done it myself.  You put 20 things on your to-do list and then you get mad when you don’t get 20 completed.  Heck, you didn’t even get 10 done and feel lucky you managed to check off just a few!  Sure it’s about the planning—and I talk a lot about planning—but it’s more than that. It’s really about reasonable planning.  If you had a reasonable plan set with realistic expectations, you would have better results.

I work with a system called AIM Smart.  We aim for the middle—not perfection and not the least acceptable, but somewhere in between.  Think of it this way; by aiming for and hitting the middle, you’re hitting the bulls-eye!  I’m happy to say this system hasn’t failed me or my clients yet.  In fact, it is a really great and comfortable place to be.

“Wonderful,” you say, “but how do I know what the middle is?”  I’m glad you asked.  The middle is where you know you can, without a doubt, accomplish a task.  When you think realistically about a task or event, you determine what you can reasonably get done.  Unfortunately, what usually happens is you trick yourself into thinking you can do way more than that.  “Come on,” you say to yourself, “I can do better than that. There’s no reason I can’t accomplish more if I don’t have any interruptions or if I just buckle-down and do it.”  And so you push yourself and things don’t go the way you want them to or thought they would.  What results is often frustration, overwhelm, exhaustion, and disappointment.  Alternatively, aiming for the middle—the realistic—keeps us on an even keel to success and eliminates a lot of the stresses we put on ourselves.

Since I just celebrated Christmas, and for the first time ever had a really great time and did not over-exhaust myself, I’ll use it as an example to help you aim in middle so that you don’t go crazy with too much to do.

  • Know what your final outcome is.  Enjoy the month of December, preparing for Christmas with joy and ease and feeling good, energized and happy.  Spend time with family and friends.
  • Make a master list of all that you want you to do for your outcome.  1) Host Christmas Brunch, 2) Have gifts wrapped with fun holiday paper, 3) Get together with friends.
  • From the master list, plan what you will do to accomplish your goal(s) (do this for as many tasks as you have).  Host Christmas Brunch – know who to invite, select a time, plan menu, extend invitations, and shop for food.
  • Stop doing things more than once.  Plan the time and menu first, then invite the guests—not the other way around—so all questions can be answered the first time around no need for “I’ll get back to you.”  Plan the menu, double-check you what’s needed, and shop only once.
  • Keep yourself honest.  Ask yourself what is realistic that you can get done and then do that.  If you find you have additional time, consult your list and to do another task that you have time for – again asking what is realistic in the time you have available.
  • Keep your final outcome in mind.  By knowing what it is you want to have (i.e. calm, happy, enjoyable holiday season), it is easier to stay on target and reach your goals.

Old habits are hard to break, that I know!  I also know that new habits are easy to make, all you need is a plan to be in the middle!

Feel free to use these tips as you head into the exciting and fresh New Year.  You can do things differently and you can make lasting positive changes.  You can have what you want.  You only need to have realistic expectations.  What are your realistic expectations?  Please share!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , ,

Being Open to Being Open-Minded

October 22, 2012 By

When it comes to making a shared decision, whether it be at home or in the office, do you sometimes think that only you can make the best decisions because you are the expert?  Are you the parent or manager who knows best?  What if I told you that you might not; would you think I was off my rocker?

This idea often shocks my clients.  For whatever reason, you believe you are the only one capable of deciding because you are the specialist.  Now to be clear here, when it relates to your personal feelings I’m not disputing or going to tell you otherwise.  Without a doubt you are the expert for any decision that involves you alone.  I teach my clients that absolutely no one should weigh in on why you should or should not feel a certain way.  In order to stand in your true power, you need to listen to your own feelings.  It is the only way to find your joy and happiness in life.

Yet, one place often misunderstood is when situations and outcomes involve other people.  Being the authority, you won’t ask for help, assistance, or outside information.  In fact, you can also be very close-minded if someone tries to share information that may be useful.  The belief is that you know best or already know everything you need to know in order to make the decision, so why bother listening to anyone else.  However, have you ever had the experience where someone shares something with you and you say “I wish I knew that before”?  That is where the value of listening to someone else comes into play even when you don’t think you have to.  It could make your life and job easier, you may avoid costly mistakes, and you’ll probably save time. There are many benefits.

An open-mind allows for possibilities and opportunities to come to us translating into more joy, happiness and satisfaction in our lives.  Many of my clients see that being open and receptive to hearing what someone else has to say makes their lives so much easier and more satisfying.  Here are three tips to get you started:

  1. Listen with an open-mind:  Are you shooting down an idea without really hearing what the person has to say?  If you are, chances are you are being perceived as pigheaded and inflexible.  Stop yourself and listen to the other person closely.  If necessary, ask questions to gain clarity. You might learn something!
  2. See it through a different pair of eyes:  If you are thinking “Oh, I already know that”, you’re falling back into old habits.  How can you see the situation in a new light that’s different from your point of view?  Look at it through the presenter’s eyes; what might they see that you are not.  It certainly could make a big difference in the final outcome.
  3. Try it on for size:  Even if you’re still hesitant, be willing to “try on” the new idea to see how it fits.  Run through a few scenarios in your head (or on paper if time permits).  How might this different idea change the outcome?  Remember, you always have to break in a pair of new shoes before they feel good!

In the end, you give yourself and others the opportunity to expand your vision.  When you have opened your mind to new possibilities and opportunities, you see things differently and can never make a wrong decision.  Just think of the success and happiness you will experience by being open to being open-mined.

Tell me about a time when you thought your decision was the only way to go yet you were proven otherwise? Or better yet, tell me about a time you were receptive to suggestions and wonderful things resulted!  I can’t wait to hear what you have to say below.

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , ,

Are You Driven By Your Circumstances?

September 10, 2012 By

At 10:32 a.m. on Tuesday, September 4, 2012, I turned on my computer after a 17-day vacation…  and boy was it weird!  It was weird in that I was excited to be back in the swing of working.  It wasn’t always like this though, so it’s so awesome for me to have these feelings of excitement, anticipation and happiness to be back.  In my later years of working in corporate, the day before I’d go back to work from a vacation (heck, even a weekend) I’d feel physically ill.  I’d have trouble sleeping and then in the morning, I just couldn’t drag myself out of the bed.  I know it wasn’t because I was exhausted or even tired, I was just feeling run down from my environment which was unsupporting and toxic to me.  Have you ever felt that way?  If the answer is no, I’m thrilled for you!  But if you are like me and many of my clients who have been (or even still are) extremely beaten down by your work environment, please know that you can change it for yourself and you can do so in a way that is perfect for you!

I played the role of victim for a long time.  I allowed others to push me around and to do and say things that were hurtful, unsupporting, mean and aggressive.  I did not like conflict, so I would never speak up or ask for what I needed.  I wasn’t assertive and never honored my own feelings and what I wanted.  I just did what others wanted and became very unhappy and even began to be passive-aggressive.  It wasn’t until I hired my own life coach that I began to see how I was allowing others to treat me in this manner and that I had the power within me to be treated as I wanted to be treated.  I learned that what I wanted was just as important as what the next person wanted.  I decided it was time for me to be the driver of my life.

Here is what I learned and am going to share with you.  You too can be in the driver’s seat of your life and feel that you matter, not only to others but most importantly to yourself.

  • Lesson 1:  No one has the power to make you unhappy, feel bad about yourself or feel stupid.  When you trust, love and honor yourself, you understand that it is all about the other person’s insecurities.  It’s their inner critic that drives their behavior and has them acting in a non-supporting way toward others so that they feel good about themselves.  Don’t let them get to you.
  • Lesson 2:  Recognize that everyone (you and everyone else) has a basic need for being loved and accepted.  This is what each person is fighting for, often at the expense of other people’s feelings.  It’s not a personal attack.
  • Lesson 3:  It is A-OK to be selfish and put yourself first and ask for what you want. It’s also important to note here that it’s not what you say but often how you say it that really makes or breaks the situation.  Ask for what you want in a way that won’t ruffle any feathers.
  • Lesson 4:  Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself why might they be acting or behaving this way.  Have you contributed in some negative way that has them doing what they are doing? Be honest in your assessment.
  • Lesson 5:  Always remember that you have the power within to change how you feel and respond to any situation.  Be conscious of your feelings and remember the outcome you want in order to feel empowered from within.  Think before you react.

Following these lessons — which I also share with my clients so that they feel respected first by themselves and then by others — will soon have you feeling more positive, happy and alive!  The joy is in creating a life that you want, the life that you will be happy living.  Perhaps you won’t need a new job after all.  Maybe you’ll decide, with your newfound ways of being in your life and acting in your life, that your skills and talents would be best appreciated elsewhere.  Either way, you have now put yourself in the driver’s seat and the decisions are yours and yours alone.  Happy driving!

I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , ,
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