Thoughts – Exactly What Do They Do?

January 22, 2014 By

happyA penny for your thoughts.  Have you ever heard that phrase?  My mom used to say that when I was little…  and being quiet.  Some people still ask that whenever someone they are with is being silent and reflective.  Maybe they use it as a conversation starter.

Did you know that our thoughts create our destiny?  Well, they do.  Are you are positive or negative thinker by default?  If you are a negative thinker, you more than likely see all the things that are wrong with your life.  On the flip side, if you are a positive thinker you probably see all the good things.

You know all about the optimist and the pessimist thing.  The glass is half full or half empty.  But be that as it may, it is true you are what you think.  If you think you are stupid, well then… and if you think you are smart, well then…

There’s a quote by Mahatma Gandhi, “A man is but the product of his thoughts – what he thinks, he becomes.” It’s a great example to make my point.

If you do not like where you are going in your life and would like to change it, begin with changing your thoughts.  Oh, easier said than done, right?  Only because you think it is.  So let’s start there.

In a recent movie I watched The Iron Lady, with Merrill Streep playing Margaret Thatcher, she quotes:

“Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”

Here are four steps to change your thoughts for good!

  1. Change your thoughts.  Where our thoughts go, our energy flows.  If you are in constant negative self-talk—telling yourself I can’t do it, I don’t have time, I don’t know what to do or there is too much to handle—that is where your energy will be.  If you turn those thoughts around to positive ones—I can do this, I have plenty of time (secret: this is my #1 go-to phrase that I use myself and teach my clients – and it works!), I know exactly what to do, I can figure out what I don’t know, it’s no big deal or I can handle whatever comes my way—you shift your thoughts and subsequently shift your energy.  Once you start using positive words you will begin to see that forward movement you want.  There is much to be said about the power of positive thinking!
  2. New words lead to new action.  Once you have shifted your thoughts, you will notice how easy it is to get into action.  You will have the confidence to figure out what you need to do to reach your goals.  You will be able to make powerful decisions and choices that support what you want in your life.
  3. New action leads to new habits.  After you make decisions and things start moving on fast and furiously, you will no longer be negatively-focused.  You will have created a healthy habit of being positive and believing you are positively-minded.  These traits will    move you forward on your journey to having the life you want.
  4. New habits lead to an empowered character… and we know where that leads!  Finally, once you are in the practice of using positive self-talk, taking action quickly and forming positive habits, your character not only will be much improved, but others will notice the new you.  You will be well on your way to your destiny and all that you want to have is at your fingertips!

See how just having a new thought can change your destiny?  How cool is that?!  Before reading this you were thinking that life was hard and you felt stuck.  But now you can see how to get into the swing of things to run a profitable business and lead a fabulous life.  When you change the way you think, you create a domino effect in your life.  Again, I repeat, how cool is that?!

I would love for you to share one thing that you experienced by choosing to think positively, please share below!

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , , ,

Your Ticket To Having A Joyful Holiday Season

December 19, 2013 By

blowing bubblesAh, it’s the time of year that is supposed to be joyful.  Are you joyful?  If you are, please, stop reading and send me your tips.

If you aren’t, I’m going to share with you a couple ways that you can find joy.

First, decide that you want to have joy in your life.  Yes, you want this!

Next, make a list of things that make you feel joy: playing with your kids, going on a date with your spouse, spending time with your pets, being with friends, exercising, reading, going to the movies.  Write down everything that comes to mind (but wait until you’re done reading this).

This next one, my friends, is your ticket to having a joyful holiday season.  What might it be?  Take time to do those things you’ve written down! It’s really that simple!

I don’t want to hear “I don’t have the energy”.  Here’s why. Energy is elusive.  It is hard to describe, yet we feel it pretty much daily… minute to minute actually.  If your energy is low, guess what?  There isn’t a whole lot of joy happening either.  If your energy is high, however, you almost can’t help feeling joyful and having fun. Yet one feeds the other! Joy feeds your energy and energy feeds your joy.  So if you take time to do those things that bring you joy, the energy will come to you.

Remembering this can lead you into January feeling fresh, energized and happy.

I try to live my life with joy in it every day.  Now that is not to say I’m happy every second of every day – but I try to see the joy in things.  The small and the large.  It makes my life rewarding and fulfilling.

I’m willing to be truthful with you; it wasn’t always this way – I was an outward optimist but an inward pessimist.  I was so darn hard on myself… I was a joy-sucker!  (If you have never heard that term before, I’ll be writing about that more soon.)  Anyway, I couldn’t find joy in anything because there was always more to do and have and be.  Boo-hoo.

Things didn’t change until I realized that my negative energy of being the joy-sucker was the cause.  Once I started to raise my energy (simply seeing the small things that brought me joy), I had more peace of mind, success and yes, joy!  And that to me translates into a whole lot of fun!

So stop what you are doing, get out a pen and paper (or slide our your keyboard) and write down the things that make your life joyful, make you smile and make you feel amazing – those are what will lift your energy and bring you what you want!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , ,

Top 5 Tips for Eating, Drinking and Being Merry!

December 11, 2013 By

cookiesThe number one habit to “go south” this time of year is health.  Suddenly there is no time to do your exercise program yet plenty of time to eat, drink and be merry.  While eating, drinking and being merry are fun and exciting, it often reverses all of the hard work that has taken place over the course of the year.  Whether you celebrate or not this holiday season, use my five tips below to keep all the success you have had so far from going down the drain.

  1. Make a Plan.  Planning is the number one secret to staying on your fitness plan, not gaining weight and not having to start over come January.  Plan your workouts.  Put your workouts in your calendar.  Even though you have a standing class or training session, when you see it in your calendar you will be more likely to keep them.  Plan your eating.  If you have ever have said “I shouldn’t have eaten all of that” you know it has the potential to happen again. So before you hit any party (or sweet tray), plan to do it differently and it will be different.
  2. Write down and share with a trusted friend (or even your fitness instructor) what your plan or goal is for the holiday season.  Whether it’s deciding to eat festive foods in moderation or not at all, or cutting your exercise routine down by half instead of discarding it entirely, when you commit to something and share it with others, you are more likely to follow through.
  3. Know your serving sizes.  You know what you like to eat—and therefore might overindulge upon.  Instead, plan to eat a healthy serving size.  When at a party or even at home, before you fill your snack, dinner and dessert plates, look at the choices first and then choose wisely.  Use http://www.webmd.com/diet/healthtool-portion-size-plate to look up what a healthy serving size is if you are not sure.  Being aware of what and how much you eat is key to staying on target.
  4. Drink non-alcoholic beverages.  When you overindulge in alcohol, all bets are off as you almost always will eat more.  Drink a healthy non-alcoholic beverage while you enjoy your favorite food.  If you wish for an alcoholic beverage, have it after you have eaten and drink it slowly and mindfully.  This keeps your mind aware of your actions and easier for you to ‘be good’.
  5. Prepare ahead of time.  Before heading out to a function, party or even the grocery store, have a small healthy meal first.  This can make sure that you are not starving when you arrive and therefore you will not dive into the bowl of chips, eat a tray of cookies or buy junk food.

This time of year there are extra temptations to lure you away from your regular healthy diet and fitness routine.  Do not be one of the millions of people who every year say “I need to lose the weight I gained from the holidays” or “Next year will be different”.  This is your year to do things differently!

Also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below… you know I love hearing from you!

Filed Under: Self Worth, Weight loss Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Whose Life Is It, Anyway?

October 23, 2013 By

stamp guaranteed authenticAre you living your life the way you want to?  Before you switch to autopilot and say yes… pause and think about that question.  Are you living your life the way you really want to?  If you can honestly say yes, I congratulate you!  Yet, if you are one of many who hang their head and say “No, I’m not” then I am happy to tell you that can change.

You’re not alone.  I have worked with women who went to school for a degree they weren’t even interested in just because their parents insisted.  I have worked with women who got married to a man they didn’t love just because it was expected of them by their families.  I have worked with women who had no idea what it was they wanted, but knew they are tremendously unhappy with who they became and where they were in their lives.

This is common because most women like to please.  And if you are anything like I used to be, not pleasing someone else is so painful that you just don’t let it happen.  Yet, who suffers when you are not even trying to please yourself?  You are!

First, you need to understand you are entitled to have the life you want; a life which is agreeable to you and supports you and your desires.  You just have to take the action to get it.

The first step is a matter of knowing who you are.  And that might be really hard especially if you have been pretending to be someone else because you don’t even know who you are or what you want.

So, get to know who you are.  Who are you when you are being your true, authentic self?  Seems easy on the surface, right?  Not necessarily.  In order to work toward getting to know you—to really know yourself—spend quiet time alone with paper and pen to answer the following questions (schedule this on your calendar if you have to):

  • What makes me smile?
  • What excites me?
  • When do I feel the most joy?
  • What makes me feel good?
  • What are my favorite hobbies or past-times?
  • What am I really good at doing?

Don’t hold back your answers.  Let them flow.  This is for you!   However, if you feel that you are holding back, it is a telltale sign you are possibly afraid you will be judged by others.  Stop!  This is what got you in this position in the first place; it only leads to you behaving like someone else.

So now you have your true answers to the questions above.  Think about how it would feel if you pursued them and didn’t have any fear of being judged or questioned.  (Yes, you can do this. You must do this in order to have the life you really want!)

You would feel great, happy, free, liberated, justified, excited about life and maybe many other feelings, too!  And ultimately…you would now know the real you, right?

Remember, the first step to being yourself is to know yourself.  And just like when you meet someone new whose company you enjoy and want to know more about them… getting to know yourself is like gaining a new best friend. 

Let me know how you make out, and also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below or post to my Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/KimRavidaCoaching page if you are willing to share with my community.

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

What Do I Do?

September 25, 2013 By

What do I do?I get asked this a lot!  I get it from my business clients and from my fitness clients – and it is usually after someone has said yes to something but now wants to say no. They feel that they can’t change their mind and ask me “Ya, but what do I do?”  I know, it’s a real loop, isn’t it?

It is important to understand and realize that just because we said yes in the first place does not mean that we can never go back and say no.  We agree to do things for many reasons which are usually valid at the time when we say yes.  However then often we have time to think about it and realize a no would have been the best choice.  We genuinely want to help so it’s uncomfortable because we don’t want to disappoint or not be a team player.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times we want to change our mind because we are afraid or are out of our comfort zone and think we can’t do something.  That is not what I am talking about.  I’m talking about things we have said yes to that take us away from our desired outcomes or goals.  Like a client who signed up for a weekly networking meeting and later realized that it was taking her away from running her business and impacting when she could see her clients.  This ultimately led to impacting her money-making abilities so she needed to say no after saying yes.

Where in your life do you need to say no after you have said yes?  Trust me; it isn’t as scary as your gremlin is making it out to be.  We aren’t talking about being mean.  We are all entitled to change our minds and we do not need to offer a great detailed explanation as to why.

You probably think if you say no then:

  • people won’t like you
  • you’ll let others down and they’ll be disappointed in you
  • you’ll look like a failure or worse, you’ll feel like a failure

I am here to tell you that the above are not true!

What is really happening is that you are telling yourself a story about what you think will happen.  You’re talking yourself out of doing what is best for you.  If you aren’t true to yourself, what will happen is that you end up full of resentment, frustration and—even worse—anger at both yourself and the other person.  Let me ask you, do you think this is a good thing?  No, of course it isn’t and you know that.  Which is why you have such an internal tug-o-war; your inner guidance knows it needs to say no and your ego is saying that you can’t.

Saying no authentically and with compassion for both yourself and the other person is the only way to honor yourself. 

I remember the first time I said no after saying yes.  Was I nervous and afraid?  You bet I was.  However, it felt so good that I spoke up for myself and for what I wanted and needed!  Did the world end?  Of course it did not, and it won’t when you do it.

Is there something or someone that you said yes to that now you want to say no?  I encourage you to speak up confidently and say “I know that I said I would do xyz, but I realize that I won’t be able to.”  Sometimes you may be able to make a recommendation or suggestion for a replacement, and if you are by all means please do; just don’t do that in order to take the pressure off of you.  Come from a true place of self-empowerment and you will always feel good about yourself. 

Also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , ,

How Independent Are You?

July 8, 2013 By

flag and fireworksWe just celebrated Independence Day in the United States and it got me thinking about being independent.  Many of us think we are independent yet we really aren’t.  We are often driven by outside influences, some people refer to them as ‘outside forces’, that work against us… or so we believe.  Truth be told, we have all the power to be independent right within us.

What does independent mean anyway?  Some other words are:  self-governing, self-determining, self-regulating and my favorite, free.

How many times have you made a decision based on how it would positively affect those around you?  Think about it.  You believed if you made a certain choice, something you truly wanted to do, that it would upset or inconvenience someone else… so you didn’t.  You didn’t go out to dinner with your girlfriends because your spouse would have to prepare his own dinner on the fly.  You didn’t attend a one-day seminar on a topic that really interested you because your mom wanted you to help clean out her closets that day.

Is that being independent?

It’s true, we think we are acting of our own free will but instead we often put our own wants, desires and needs aside to please someone else.  Now I’m not saying for you to stop doing that, what I am bringing to the table is to think about how many times you are acting independently.

Dependency is sneaky; sometimes we don’t even know we are being that way and falling into the trap.  We think we’re doing something nice for our spouse, our children, our parents, or our friends but then we get annoyed at them because—for goodness sake!—we are doing it for them and they don’t even appreciate what we’re giving up.

When you decide to lose weight for someone other than yourself, you are being dependent.  When you say yes when you want to say no, you are being dependent.  If you truly want to be independent, you must start speaking up and making your needs and wants known.  You will also have to be prepared for someone to get upset with you or inconvenienced.  It’s how it goes.  You can’t please everyone all the time.

Some very simple (yet not often easy) ways for you to empower yourself are:

  1. Say YES when you really want to.
  2. Say NO when you really want to.
  3. Don’t be afraid to say NO after you have said YES.

It’s absolutely amazing when you empower yourself, those around you are both inspired and empowered, too.  Don’t you think you deserve that?  Don’t you think your loved ones deserve that?  Absolutely, you all do!

In the end, the true independence you give yourself will be well worth it.  You will be happy with your life and your decisions.  You will wholeheartedly be there for those you love, while allowing them to become independent also.  Together you will create unity, freedom… and justice for all!

I would love for you to share what you have done to assert your independence and inspire it in others. Please share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

What’s Money Got To Do With It?

June 10, 2013 By

financial freedomIf you are trying to lose weight and are unsuccessful, chances are you need some help.  Asking for help is a sign of strength, yet so many people are reluctant to do it.  The main reason I hear is lack of money.  People say “I can’t afford it.”  Yet in my book, that’s an excuse.  I hear lots of excuses from my group and private clients, and it usually all comes back to the mighty dollar.

A coaching client of mine recently lost a significant amount weight, yet she continued wearing her old plus-size clothes when she should have been wearing a size 10-12!  Why?  She told me she couldn’t spend money on clothes because they are expensive and, besides, she still had weight to lose.  As a coach I am supposed to be completely non-judgmental, yet I really got upset with her.  She made these significant strides forward in her health and fitness, creating a great healthy life for herself, yet she was sabotaging her success by wearing clothes that didn’t fit, didn’t look good, and she felt bad wearing!

After getting to the bottom of why she felt she couldn’t spend money, she realized she was caught up in an old money story (we all have them).  She grew up with the message that you “wear the clothes that you have because they are decent clothes and good money was spent on them”.  So we worked on her money stories (oh yes, she had more than one).  In the end she was finally able to go out and spend some money on herself with a clear conscious.  She got new outfits that were flattering to her new figure—and guess what?  She felt like a million bucks after that.

You can see how that mindset of “I can’t afford” isn’t supportive or healthy when it comes to self esteem.  All of us have ingrained messages, which we often aren’t aware of, that hold us back.  Coaching is great at bringing these messages to the surface so we can address them and move on.  Once we know what to look for, we can see them coming from a mile away and head them off before they do any damage.

Since they tend to show up as excuses, here are just a few I hear all the time that are related to money (and old money stories) as well as some tips for letting them go.

Excuse 1:  It’s too expensive, I can’t afford it.  “It” usually pertains to something that—if you did it, bought it, got it or had it—would  make your life easier or better in some way, but you use the fallback excuse above.  It’s so easy to say; it feels comfortable coming out of your mouth and you are used to saying it.  When you hear yourself saying “I can’t afford it, it’s too expensive”, ask yourself what old money story makes you think that way.  Then ask yourself how would you feel if you did have it; what would your life be like?  It might just be that you can’t afford not to have it.

Excuse 2:  I’m not ready to spend the money yet.  When will you be ready?  How is waiting to be ready to spend the money for what you want going to bring you any closer to it?  In weight loss, how is not being ready to buy new clothes helping you?  You have an opportunity to look and feel good immediately yet you make an excuse not to.  Be ready wherever you are.  Change your money story to “I am ready and willing to spend the money now to feel and look great because I am worth it!”

Excuse 3:  I can’t… Clients have said to me:  “I can’t afford a gym membership to get in shape” or “I can’t afford to eat healthy”… I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.  Again, in my book that’s just a bunch of BS.  Here’s why.  Think about something you wish you had done differently in your past, like not joining a gym last year when you first wanted to lose weight or not buying the adorable outfit you saw a few months ago that you really wish you had now the weather is nice.  So now notice the feeling of disappointment or regret you’re experiencing.  Not fun, is it?  Stop having regrets and being disappointed!  What is one thing you want to do but are saying “I can’t”?  Go and do it.

I suggest you tell everyone you are close to and spend time with regularly that you are on a journey.  Whether it’s to improve health and fitness or dissecting your money story or something else, getting help and having accountability to reach your goals will be easier when you have support. It will help you get from “I can’t” to a resounding “I can… and will!”

Go out and spend some money on yourself and feel on top of the world because of it!

I’d love to hear your thoughts; drop me an email or feel free to share your insights and revelations below!

P.S. If you are still having a hard time and feel disorganized and frustrated with money, send me an email.  I have a wonderful new program that might be a good fit for you.  It will bring you financial freedom and inner worth by helping you remove any limits on your money story.  Just put in the subject line:  I want financial freedom!

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , ,

Do you like to be challenged?

February 11, 2013 By

Female boxerWhen it comes to exercise, most of us do not like to be challenged.  We are happy that we just made it to the gym, never mind exert extra energy!  Heck, we might even hurt ourselves and we wouldn’t want to do that.

Exercise brings up a lot of negative feelings for some people.  I have worked with women who can barely get to the gym.  And one of my clients tells me that she hates to exercise, but then in the same breath says “But I love the feeling afterward.”  So every week she comes to class and when I ask her to amp it up, she does.

Some people have very positive feelings around exercise.  Another client has experimented with a number of different classes and programs because she enjoys moving her body and loves the idea of going and doing new things.  I’m proud of both of them!

There are many reasons why people exercise.  Some want to:

  • Lose weight
  • Increase energy
  • Look good
  • Fit into their clothes
  • Increase self-esteem and confidence
  • Reduce cholesterol
  • Reduce high blood pressure
  • Reduce stress
  • To interact socially

Not many realize that by exercising you can change your physical body and health as well as stretch and challenge your mind too.  You can change your outlook on life, your viewpoint on a certain situation, and even have a brainstorm about an issue you have been facing.

When we challenge our body, we also challenge our mind.  It’s being open and receptive to new things, fresh exercises, pushing ourselves to lift more and move faster, or do the same exercise perhaps in a new way that allows both our body and mind to grow and improve.

When you do the same routine day after day, month after month, you get the same results.  Many of my clients tell me “I need to do something different.  I need to change something.  I need to be pushed.”  This is because they want to grow, they want to experience something new, and they want to be challenged.  And yes, there are some that don’t want to grow or change but that’s another article for another day.  I’m guessing that you are in it for the change and that you want to be challenged – even if you are saying you don’t – because you want to improve, to feel great and to look fantastic.

Here are four tips to challenge you to exercise differently:

  1. Workout in a group.  If you are used to working out on your own, try a group class.  There is a lot to be said about working out with others; you naturally will push yourself just a little bit farther.
  2. Hire a Personal Trainer.  If you are someone who needs that extra push, find a trainer that you connect with.  Tell them your goals and have them support you with them; often being directed is easier than trying to figure out what to do alone.
  3. Take a new class.  If you always take the same class (spin, Zumba, kickboxing), try a class with a different instructor.  You will not only learn new moves, you will hear different cues that will keep your attention focused on what might come next.
  4. Go to a new environment.  If you have been going to the same gym for a long time, check out another gym even if you just go for a trial or single workout.  You will be exposed to a new atmosphere which will get your brain to function differently and you’ll look at things with a fresh perspective.  They also may have innovative equipment that you have never seen or used before.

What is important is that you challenge yourself to not only work your body in a different manner but to think differently to expand your world.  There is such value in that – you never know, you may meet your future spouse, business partner or new best friend.  When you challenge yourself to step it up, the world opens up to you!

I would love to hear any experiences you have had or will have as you step forward into a whole new world!  Also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

 

Filed Under: Reaching Goals, Self Worth, Weight loss Tagged With: , , , ,

Do you gain when you lose?

January 21, 2013 By

turn gain into lossWhat happens when you lose?  Lose weight that is.  When you lose weight, you gain so much more in your life!  It sounds too good to be true, right?  But it is true.

Admittedly, when you are constantly struggling to lose weight, you feel stressed, lose time, often have low self-esteem from feeling like you failed again, wondering why oh why the weight won’t come off and if it does, why doesn’t it stay off.  All of that and the negative feelings that surround your circumstance really can drag you down and keep you from living life like you want.

Yet when you do lose the weight and keep it off, you gain so much!  You gain the good stuff such as (and of course this is not an all-inclusive list):

  • Fitting into your favorite clothes with ease
  • Having a flatter stomach and smaller butt
  • Getting rid of those love handles, saddle bags, sandbags and not to mention that ugly back fat
  • Feeling really good about yourself
  • Enjoying the reflection of yourself and looking the way you want
  • Having stronger muscles
  • Experiencing more energy
  • Breathing easier
  • Moving freer and easier
  • Having more fun in your life
  • Gaining confidence and increased self esteem
  • Feeling happiness and peace of mind
  • Being able to get down on the floor and play with your kids or grandkids
  • Eliminating the need for medications
  • Having fewer doctor appointments

As you can see, losing really means gaining!  And what you gain is completely up to you.  You get to decide what it is you want to gain in your life.  Which of these do you want to have?

When I work with my clients, we begin by determining what they will gain in their lives.  It serves as motivation—their Big Why—and ultimately is the driving focus behind their weight loss success.  This ensures that success lasts longer than a day, a week or a month.  The results are long-term because they finally address the real issues as to why they did not have success in the past.

It is one thing to say “I want to lose weight” but entirely another thing to actually do what it takes to follow through on that desire.  The follow-through comes on the heels of the Big Why.  The Big Why keeps you from eating four slices of double cheese and pepperoni pizza or a bucket of wings all at once.  Of course, I am not saying this is easy.  Nothing worthwhile is.  Yet it also does not have to be as hard as you might often make it out to be.

I’m sure you are thinking “Okay, so why then does it seem so hard?”  It’s because as humans we like instant satisfaction rather than satisfaction over time.  We don’t want to wait to lose weight, we want it gone now.  Yet just as it did not take mere moments to put on, it does not take moments to take it off.  Eating that juicy cheeseburger or chocolate cake now is way more satisfying, but only for the moment!

So then which would you rather have, that moment of instant gratification by eating the junk food or the new gratifying lifestyle of when you finally reach your goal-weight and maintain it?

Once you discover your Big Why, your mindset will become clear and losing weight will actually become easy.  What will you gain when you make up your mind to finally lose the weight that has been holding you back in your life?

Please share your thoughts, insights and revelations on below!

Filed Under: Self Worth, Weight loss Tagged With: , , ,

What Is Important To You?

October 8, 2012 By

Have you ever made a decision, then once you learned more you realized it just wasn’t the right choice for you?  What did you do?  Did you change your mind?  Did you suck it up and forge ahead?  I recently had this experience and I did something completely opposite of what I would have done ten months ago (heck, three months ago) — I changed my mind.  I said “This is not for me” and it couldn’t have been more empowering!

What makes us say “yes” and then suffer when we realize our decision is not in our best interest, or for that fact, not in the best interest of the other people involved?  Why is it we feel that once we say “yes”, it is set in stone and has to be done or else?  Recently I wrote an article about letting go but this is more than letting go.  This is about being empowered to choose what is best for you even if it is not what someone else thinks is best for them.  It is about what is important to you, your goals, and your life.  It is about changing your mind for good reason and then standing in that choice.  It is about saying “no” even after saying “yes”.  Why is this important?

When we make a commitment and then want to change our mind but don’t, we do everyone involved a disservice.  We sometimes end up resenting the task, the person involved and even ourselves.  I know there were many times I found myself angry with the person who asked me and they didn’t even know it!  I held it in and pretended that everything was hunky-dory when it wasn’t.  Was it their fault, heck no!  They thought everything was okay because they asked me and I replied “yes”.

Saying “no” really is about staying true to yourself and respecting your life, your wants, and your choices.  Sure there are times when you want to help someone but you just can’t because of other things on your plate — those are easier to decline.

Tips for saying NO in the first place so you don’t find yourself in a predicament:

  • Don’t answer right away.  Give yourself time to think about it to see if it is something you want to do.  Often 24 hours is a good amount of time to wait to respond; you will know by then if you truly want to say “yes”.  If you are having a hard time deciding, it’s a good sign that your answer is “no”.
  • Gather as much information upfront as you can (if possible).  Make sure that you ask questions and get all of the information you need in order to make a good decision for yourself.
  • Remember what is important to you.  If what you are being asked to do moves you closer to your values and to what you want in your life, by all means, do it.  If it moves you further away from your goals, it’s important to decline.  This will keep you empowered and on track with how you want to live your life.

However, there are times when you really don’t want to help and commit anyway. Maybe it’s something that don’t you want to follow through with because the repercussions are too high. Or like in my case, I thought the commitment was for one thing and it turned out to be something much different.  Had I known, I would have said “no” from the get-go because I simply didn’t have the time.

Remember it’s okay to change your mind.  Here are a few tips to changing your mind as well as communicating your change of heart:

  • Let go of feeling guilty.  If you are a caring, compassionate person, it’s only natural that you may feel bad about this decision.  However, feeling guilty only serves to pressure you and keep you from saying “no”.  It holds you back.
  • Come from a place of honesty.  Be truthful about why you are changing your mind.  Say “I thought this was something I wanted to do, but I came to realize it isn’t.”  When you are direct, you feel better and so does the other person.
  • Respect yourself and them.  By respecting yourself, your choices and your decisions first, it is easy for you to respect the other person.  You can easily speak from the heart and there is much value in that.

So remember, whether you changed your mind or flat out said “no”, the decision is always your decision – for you to be happy, it can be no other way.

I would love for you to share any experiences that you have had with these situations.  I can’t wait to hear what you have to say!

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