You can, it’s just that you won’t!

I won’t because….

In my last blog I wrote about how just when you think you can’t, you can.

And I also shared with you my experience when I went to a conference where Jack Canfield was presenting and he gave us an exercise that had us change what we said when we said “I can’t”.

He told us to replace I can’t with I won’t. Boy did that change things for most everyone in the audience.

First, when he told us to do that there was a collective gasp from about 500 people in attendance. Second, we all laughed, like “ya right, that’s not true.”

And then we did the exercise as pairs and you could hear this nervous giggling and murmuring around the room.

Because it WAS so true.

I won’t:

  • get my finances in order
  • make more money
  • pay my bills on time
  • improve my life
  • exercise
  • improve my health
  • lose weight
  • get organized
  • make my marriage better
  • make friends
  • improve my relationships

Did you come up with one that wasn’t listed? I wouldn’t be surprised if you did. There are so many!

When we change I can’t to I won’t it’s a whole different ballgame. It changes everything.

You begin to look at things in a new light. This is good. But it also is a bit of a shock too as you now need to even do something about it.

A new spin on things.

I shared in the previous blog that for some of the things that I was saying “I can’t” to really was an I won’t do.

Which is the upside of shedding the light on the “I can’ts”. It’s where you can get clarity and be able to let things go.

Here is an example. I was saying “I can’t grow my business.” And what I really meant after I said “I won’t…” was that I was finding it challenging to do all of the things that I felt I needed to do to get to where I wanted to go.

Once I shifted the statement I realized it wasn’t that I couldn’t because let’s face it we all can do the things we WANT to do, it’s do we WANT to do them that’s the question.

I realized that my I won’t grow my business really meant I won’t grow it the way I had been thinking I had to.

So this helped me look at it all differently. 

You do not have to do something you don’t want to do. (Because, spoiler alert, you won’t!)

When I did that it was freeing. It freed me to take a look at where in my life and business was I thinking I had to do something or do something a certain way when I could change it.

We get stuck when we are off our course. When we think we need to or have to do something. To do something a certain way or because someone told us to.

And when you don’t want to do something, you usually don’t do it. Then it turns into you feeling frustrated because you don’t seem to be able to get things done.

You begin to feel bad about yourself and you think “I can’t”. But it isn’t that.

So when you can say “I won’t do [insert what you won’t do], you essential give yourself the freedom to make a new choice. With the new choice, you get to say what it is you will do!

Doesn’t that feel nice?

Making success happen the easy way.

As I said in the previous blog, once I said “I won’t grow my business” it was a whole new ball game. Or, business, if you will.

The beauty of this was things became not only clearer, but easier! 

Where might you be in the same boat? Is there an area of your life that you keep saying “I can’t”?

Go ahead and change it to “I won’t” and see what happens.

Of course, you can also then ask yourself “why won’t I” because you’ll more than likely get an answer that can help enlighten you to 

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Just when you think you can’t, you can.

I can’t because….

Just when you think you can’t, you can.

How often do you hear yourself say “I can’t”… and the other word that follows is often …because…

  • I don’t have time
  • It’s too hard
  • I’m not sure I can do it
  • I can’t figure it out
  • I am afraid
  • It will take too long
  • It is too much money
  • And so many more I’m sure you can fill in the blank

I really could go on and on though you get the point, I’m sure.

We find it very easy to come up with ways to hold ourselves back, sell ourselves short and live lives that aren’t very fulfilling.

We have so many “reasons” why we can’t do something it would take days to list them all.

I once went to a conference with Jack Canfield and he said instead of saying “I can’t” say “I won’t”.

Such as:

  • I won’t improve my life
  • I won’t lose weight
  • I won’t increase my wealth
  • I won’t get organized
  • I won’t improve my relationships
  • I won’t find work I love

It takes a whole new spin on it doesn’t it. It did for me that day. And I’ve got news for you. For some of the things that I was saying “I can’t” to really was an I won’t do.

Well, well, well.

We’ll talk about that in the next blog but for now…

You are stronger, braver and wiser than you think.

And so why was that I asked myself. In fact, one was “I won’t grow my business.” I had been saying “I can’t grow my business” after a few things didn’t go as planned and I felt frustrated and thought I can’t grow my business.”

Once I said “I won’t grow my business” it was a whole new ball game. Or, business, if you will.

The “can’ts” come from lots of places. People in our past who maybe had good intentions and didn’t want us to “get hurt”, “fail” or “be disappointed” so they may have told us we can’t do something.

Yet, look at where you are today. Have there been things in your life that you thought you couldn’t do and then did?

Did you take an action even though you felt scared?

Did you emerge stronger just from taking that action?

What about making some really great decisions that lead to something even better than you imagined?

Yes, you are, as Christopher Robin says in Pooh’s Grand Aventure “You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter thank you think.”

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Is your life headed where you want it to go?

Understand that you are in the driver’s seat of your life.

Are you doing things that will get you to where you want to go in your life? Or is your life really someone else’s life?

You and you alone are the one to drive your life to where you want it to go. But have you taken the time to look at what road you want to be on? If the answer is no, you may be on a road leading to nowhere you want to be.

A client of mine was unhappy with her life. Her “whole” life as she told me in a coaching session. And please “help me”. While I’m all about help, I’m not about bailing my clients out and for a lot of people that’s what we really are looking for. Someone to “fix” things.

I’ve got news for you and you aren’t going to like it: I told her,  “you are the one causing this. No one else.”

How did I get here?

After I said that there was silence. I waited because I know she would get what I meant and when she did, she’d be on her way to fix it.

I asked her exactly what was one thing she was unhappy about right now. She said she felt defeated and depressed.

These are two very big deals and while I absolutely refer my clients to therapists if that’s what they need. I’ve worked with this woman for a year and a half, so I had an idea where to start.

I had been noticing that each session she’d come complaining and belly-aching over something someone said on Facebook. She took lots of offense to posts by her friends and family and strangers.

We looked for what was specifically causing her offense. Why did she feel offended and how was her Facebook feed feeding her offense. We delved into that. Soon she came to the conclusion that she didn’t even want or need to see it.

How do I get to where I want to be?

She had been taking offense because her values were being bumped up again. She didn’t feel the same way the other people in her life felt and she took offense that they were invading her Facebook and triggering her values.

Values are a unique thing for us and when we don’t see eye to eye or share similar values, well, a lot can happen for us.

She decided to unfollow and unfriend those that really pushed her buttons. It’s interesting to note, that when she saw her friends and family in person, she never felt offended by what they said or did. It was strictly a Facebook thing.

She did this and within two days she sent me an email to say how much better she was feeling. And that lead to her seeing that she didn’t need to “fix her whole life”. Though what she did want to focus on during our next session was ways she could uplift others in both person and on her Facebook feed.

Look at what you are putting out in life, is it what you want to get back?

She also realized that she too had posted several negative, snarky comments and posts and she was the one who brought this negativity into her life.

If you want to see where your life is and/or where it is heading, take a look at your own Facebook feed. Are you posting life giving posts or are you posting life sucking posts? Are you positive or negative? Do you get caught up in all the waaa, waaa, waaaa that people post or can you easily move on?

Maybe it sounds silly to say that your Facebook feed is a reflection on you. I do believe that it is. And is it who you really, really are? I’m going out of a limb and say that yes, it is but it isn’t who you have to continue to be if you don’t want to.

It’s all up to you. Your life, your happiness is in your hands.