Understand that you are in the driver’s seat of your life.

Are you doing things that will get you to where you want to go in your life? Or is your life really someone else’s life?

You and you alone are the one to drive your life to where you want it to go. But have you taken the time to look at what road you want to be on? If the answer is no, you may be on a road leading to nowhere you want to be.

A client of mine was unhappy with her life. Her “whole” life as she told me in a coaching session. And please “help me”. While I’m all about help, I’m not about bailing my clients out and for a lot of people that’s what we really are looking for. Someone to “fix” things.

I’ve got news for you and you aren’t going to like it: I told her,  “you are the one causing this. No one else.”

How did I get here?

After I said that there was silence. I waited because I know she would get what I meant and when she did, she’d be on her way to fix it.

I asked her exactly what was one thing she was unhappy about right now. She said she felt defeated and depressed.

These are two very big deals and while I absolutely refer my clients to therapists if that’s what they need. I’ve worked with this woman for a year and a half, so I had an idea where to start.

I had been noticing that each session she’d come complaining and belly-aching over something someone said on Facebook. She took lots of offense to posts by her friends and family and strangers.

We looked for what was specifically causing her offense. Why did she feel offended and how was her Facebook feed feeding her offense. We delved into that. Soon she came to the conclusion that she didn’t even want or need to see it.

How do I get to where I want to be?

She had been taking offense because her values were being bumped up again. She didn’t feel the same way the other people in her life felt and she took offense that they were invading her Facebook and triggering her values.

Values are a unique thing for us and when we don’t see eye to eye or share similar values, well, a lot can happen for us.

She decided to unfollow and unfriend those that really pushed her buttons. It’s interesting to note, that when she saw her friends and family in person, she never felt offended by what they said or did. It was strictly a Facebook thing.

She did this and within two days she sent me an email to say how much better she was feeling. And that lead to her seeing that she didn’t need to “fix her whole life”. Though what she did want to focus on during our next session was ways she could uplift others in both person and on her Facebook feed.

Look at what you are putting out in life, is it what you want to get back?

She also realized that she too had posted several negative, snarky comments and posts and she was the one who brought this negativity into her life.

If you want to see where your life is and/or where it is heading, take a look at your own Facebook feed. Are you posting life giving posts or are you posting life sucking posts? Are you positive or negative? Do you get caught up in all the waaa, waaa, waaaa that people post or can you easily move on?

Maybe it sounds silly to say that your Facebook feed is a reflection on you. I do believe that it is. And is it who you really, really are? I’m going out of a limb and say that yes, it is but it isn’t who you have to continue to be if you don’t want to.

It’s all up to you. Your life, your happiness is in your hands.