Puzzles, Perfectionists and Perception

May 29, 2014 By

BLOG letters on corkboardI’ve decided to experiment with a new format. Usually I provide one article, but today I share my blog posts that you might have missed. They are insightful and though-provoking. You know I like to inspire action and change! Let me know what you think of the new format!

Do you like puzzles?
Life is like a jigsaw puzzle. There are lots of pieces that show up – often as problems – and you must try to solve them one after the other, and often it feels as if there are too many pieces and too many puzzles. Click here to read more…

Do you believe it?
Life is such a joy! Ok, give it to me. You thought or said to yourself “Really? Is she serious?” I know you did because I come across so many people who think that life has to be hard and things have to be difficult. They’re the ones that when something goes easy and simply, they wonder when the other shoe is going to fall. How did we get to this place of expecting the other shoe to fall? Why do we always look for what is wrong? Finish reading…

Are you too perfect?
Are you a perfectionist? Ah there it is, it’s out in the open. Did you say “Yes I am” loud and proud or did you said “Yes I am but I’m trying not to be”? But what is a perfectionist… really? Continue reading…

 

 

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Are you too perfect?

May 22, 2014 By

scoldedAre you a perfectionist?

Ah there it is, it’s out in the open. Did you say “Yes I am” loud and proud or did you said “Yes I am but I’m trying not to be”? But what is a perfectionist… really? Well, it’s a pain in the arse so to speak. It is someone for whom ‘good enough’ is never enough and they constantly tweak, fix and oftentimes never finish. A perfectionist agonizes over making decisions and choices. A perfectionist has a hard time answering questions. A perfectionist causes a lot of stress and anxiety not only for themselves but those around them.

What happens is that perfectionism often creates a lot of turmoil in our lives. It can take the joy out of life and truthfully it can drive people around us crazy. Perfectionism can show up for us when we are feeling ‘less than’, like we aren’t good enough or have to prove ourselves. We may have had an experience in our childhood — or adulthood actually — where we were criticized over something that made us feel that we had to be better and better.

I have a client (I’ll call her Jane) who was always compared to her sibling. Her mother would say “You are so immature. Why can’t you be more like your sister? She is mature and you aren’t.” So no wonder Jane felt that she needed to constantly strive do more. This experience has reinforced in her that she isn’t good enough in any aspect of her life and she is persistently going above and beyond to prove that she is good enough. Jane often goes to the place of “Why should I bother, nothing I do is ever good enough?” This translates into quite a lot of stress and negative energy in her life and her business.

Jane needed to change her ‘inner story’ in order to change her ‘outer results’. And once she got to the point where “good enough is good enough” she was finally able to be free of the “I’m not good enough” story that had ruled her life. She began to have more joy in her life and her business began to thrive. When she let go of being perfect, she let go of all of the negative energy that was surrounding her and creating a force field, if you will, that repelled what she actually wanted.

Perfectionist tendencies show up in all areas of our lives and remember, how we do one thing is how we do everything. While we want to put our best self and our best work forward, we also want to make sure that we aren’t creating situations where it is impossible to even get forward.

So where might you be holding yourself back because something isn’t perfect enough?

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How great are you?

May 15, 2014 By

smily face.jpgI have aligned myself with others who share similar interests and philosophies and theories when it comes to living a great life.

So just how great are you? Would you say – like Muhammad Ali did –“I am the greatest”? Or would you say “I’m not that great”? You are truly greater and wiser than you think you are. So then, how can you begin to live in what Jay Forte calls ‘Your Greatness Zone’? If you aren’t sure of what that is, get his book click here.

One of the things I know for sure is that we weren’t put on this earth to be average; we were put here to be great! We were put here to excel and to share our gifts. Everyone has different gifts and talents. Sadly, many of us have been formed into a life of what others thought would be best for us. I have a client who went to school to become an accountant because that is what her father said she should do. She hated it, and so after many years decided to do something else. She is now a Reiki master and loves what she does. Another client became an engineer because his father was one and expected him to be one too. There was no other alternative for this person. He is still an engineer only he has learned to use his skills, talents and gifts to his advantage and has come to love his work.

My own story is that I didn’t excel in school. I never felt smart and was never encouraged to try new things. I was encouraged to do the best I could… but what was I best at? I did not know. When it came time to finish high school I did not have a plan of what I was going to do. I knew I had to do something, so I enrolled in the local community college and got an Associate degree in Secretarial Sciences. I worked in that field for about 25 years. In the middle of my 25-year-role in support, I got my business degree and began teaching group exercise: both of which I loved. I realized my greatness was to teach, inspire and help others live fabulous lives and to help business owners and leaders excel at what they do best.

Here are a few things to think about in order for you to begin tapping into your greatness:

  • Figure out what makes your heart sing. What are you good at? What comes naturally to you? What do you love to do – so much that when you are doing it you lose track of time? What is easy for you? What do you always jump at doing? For the next week, make a list of what you notice.
  • Your childhood interests. Think back to when you were young, what did you love to play? For me, I loved to play teacher – not surprising then that I found teaching was what felt great to me. Take some time next week to list out all those things you loved to do as a child, whether playing with others or by yourself.
  • What have other people complimented you on? This is eye opening. We get feedback all the time from others – usually we only pay attention to the negative feedback or that which we do not like. But I know you have been given compliments or comments that you probably haven’t paid much attention to. Think about comments others have said to you – such as “You are really calm, you do a great job at organizing parties. How do you get so much done?” Or an even better idea is to ask 5-10 trusted friends/colleagues what they think you do particularly well.

Remember what I said about you being greater and wiser than you think you are. Ask yourself “What do I want to be great at? What will bring me the most happiness and joy? How can I live a great life?” Then set some time aside to start planning and creating what you want for yourself and watch what amazing opportunities, people and experiences start coming into your life.

I’m so sure that you’ll have amazing things come into your life and I’d love to hear about them. Please post to my blog below or reply to this email!

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Do you believe it?

May 8, 2014 By

searching with sunsetLife is such a joy!

Ok, give it to me.  You thought or said to yourself “Really?  Is she serious?”  I know you did because I come across so many people who think that life has to be hard and things have to be difficult.  They’re the ones that when something goes easy and simply, they wonder when the other shoe is going to fall.

How did we get to this place of expecting the other shoe to fall?  Why do we always look for what is wrong?

Instead, why can’t we look for things that are right?  Well, we can!  And, in fact, that is one thing I have been asking (and in some cases challenging) my clients and pretty much anyone around me to do – look for the right and good in every situation.  When we look for what is right, it is easy to find the joy.

Where in your life can you look for what is right?  And please don’t say “nowhere” because there most certainly is.

Let me give you an example.  A business client of mine was struggling to get clients and kept listing all the things she felt were going wrong for her.  I asked her to stop being negative and look at something that was going well.  Yes, at first she told me that nothing was.  However, upon further contemplation she realized she just had an opportunity to meet a person who was looking for someone in her line of work.  And so there was something that was right… she met a viable prospect seemingly by chance.  With a new positive attitude, in the end she got that contract with this person and several others that followed!

My suggestion is that the next time you think everything is going wrong in your life… stop yourself and purposely look for what is right.  Once you find what is going right and focus on it, you will move yourself from being stuck to taking action and moving forward.  You’ll have a lot more success and so much less stress!

 

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Do you have an Inner Bully?

April 24, 2014 By

???????????????No doubt you are familiar — on some level — with bullying from others.  I am not going to tackle that subject here because it is such a big one and I wouldn’t be able to do it justice.  However, what I do want to write about is your inner bully.

We all have one – some people may call it the inner critic, gremlin, inner tormentor, inner committee.  No matter what you name it, it is that voice in your head that says things like:  “You aren’t good enough”, “What were you thinking?”, “Are you crazy”? And all the other things you have said to yourself that do nothing but beat yourself up.

I’ve been intrigued with this inner bully for a while.  I’ve been a victim of it.  I have said things to myself that I would never say to another person.  And I know from working with my private clients that others do it too.  Why?  Well, lots of reasons… but the one I want to address is the need to preserve ourselves; to protect ourselves from fear of failure or even success.

Women are especially hard on themselves.  Women in business are even more so.  We say things like, “You are so stupid; who would hire you?”  Or “Who do you think you are?  You’ll never get any clients.”  This inner bully does nothing but cause inner pain and turmoil.  But it also keeps us safe.  And if we are safe, we can’t fail… or succeed, as the case may be.

For whatever reason, humans get comfortable with what they know.  Fear of failure and success can be scary.  If we upset the balance of our life, others might challenge us and no one likes confrontation (or at least from what I see they don’t).

Yet we all want so much more.  To have a great business; a fun job; to be thin, healthy and fit; to enjoy life.  So then, it’s important to mute our inner bully and raise the volume of the inner supporter.  We need to set goals — and timelines for reaching those goals — to get those fabulous clients, that great job, lose that weight and have the life we deserve.  It’s just waiting for us to grab it!

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What Happens When You Create Roadblocks

April 9, 2014 By

lotus flowerIf you watched the Olympic Men’s Short Program, you saw American Jeremy Abbott take a bad fall off his quad toe loop and lay on the ice for what seemed like hours!  In the end he did get up and he attacked the ice like there was no tomorrow.  He told the reporter he felt the audience cheering him on and that is how he was able to get up and finish his program and pretty much put in a solid performance from that point on.  You could see the determination on his face, in fact.  He then went on to skate an amazingly strong, both physically and mentally, long program.  You could almost feel that he had released the stress and worry and all that he had been carrying before the fall.

So what happened?  He stepped outside himself and just allowed the skating to happen.  He wasn’t thinking, he wasn’t calculating, he wasn’t pushing, he wasn’t doing.  He was allowing.  It is in the allowing that the flow comes.  As a mentor, coach and motivator (and former adult figure skater) I knew the moment he stepped out onto the ice for the beginning of his short program that he was in his head.  He was thinking, figuring and he was pushing – he was worrying “what if I fall, what if I don’t do well, what if I make a mistake.”  And what happened? Yet after the mistake, he didn’t have to worry about making one.  He just had to go on and do.

It’s in the doing that we reach our success and get what we want.  When we are in our heads, we can’t let go and allow things to happen.  Are you guilty of doing this?  When have you disappointed yourself because you held back by being in fear and worry and self doubt?

As humans we spend too much time in fear, worry and self-doubt!  We spend so much time – waste it really – thinking about doing things and not actually doing them.  I know this because lots of my clients struggle with this and once they have broken through and actually done what they wanted to, they are so astounded by the feelings of accomplishment.  They’re so pleased with themselves that it spurs them on further to try new, exciting opportunities.

In high school I was upset because my hair wouldn’t behave, and it was taking me forever to get ready to go out with my best friend.  I said “I look terrible” and she said “No, you look pretty.  And and don’t take this the wrong way, but not everyone is going to be thinking about you.”  On the surface it could have been a catty remark, but I knew it wasn’t.  She was my best friend and I trusted her word.  It was the wakeup call I needed.  I was putting a lot of pressure on myself which was causing me to be in my head and not out living.

When we let perfectionism and fear of failure get in our way – whoa, it is a recipe for inertia and disaster.  I think what happens to a lot of people is we get caught up in the absolute end result and what we actually want and how we want it, instead of the journey of it and the delightful unexpected experiences we get to have along the way.  I live by the saying “There Are No Mistakes” and that in every moment there is an opportunity to have a breakthrough and to grow and live my life in such vibrancy and joy.  There is such possibility in everything we do, imagine what would happen for us if we just let go of our fear.

Here are several tips for you:

  • Be your best supporter!  When you think highly and positively of yourself, then you feel great inside and you have the courage and confidence to undertake anything you want.
  • Trying trumps inaction every time.  Break things down to small tasks.  Taking one small step, no matter what it is, will be the start of something great.  Getting caught up in thinking it’s going to be such a big task will keep you in inertia every time.
  • There are no mistakes.  Look at things that happen in your life as experiences and ways to learn and grow and live.  To live vibrant and joyfully means to do, be, have.  You must do things to have experiences and you must be in order to do.

How can you support yourself?  How can you begin to take small action steps?  Where will your learnings come from?  Hopefully not from others!

Please feel free to share either by sending me a personal email at kim@kimravida.com or post below here on my blog!

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How do you handle money?

March 21, 2014 By

smile with cash 2174In response to that question, did you say “Often” or did you say “What money?”  When I ask this question of my clients, I get a lot of unique answers.  Some are so honest and heartfelt while others are quite sad.

One thing I’ve noticed is that most people handle money poorly.  Pun intended.  They have the ‘poor mentality’, which can also be known as a ‘lack mentality’.  The ‘lack mentality’ basically says “I don’t have enough so why bother”.  It is not a great place to be and it will not get you anywhere.  You find yourself with less money than you want and perhaps less than you need.  You get unexpected bills out of nowhere.  You get dragged down even further because you can’t stop thinking “Where is this money going to come from?”  You end up in an endless loop of trying to play catch up and never get caught up.

How you handle money is often how you handle everything in your life.  So if you avoid handling your money, you probably avoid doing and/or handling things in other areas of your life.  If you are late paying your bills, you probably run late for appointments.  If you forget to pay your bills, you probably forget other important dates, too.  See, if you are not handling your money from a place of control, authority or command… then other areas of your life aren’t being handled that way either.  You give up your ability to live your life powerfully, authentically and joyfully.  Yes, all from not handling your money well.

It’s an interesting concept isn’t it?  That is why I brought up the subject.  I know when I first realized that I wasn’t handling money from a positive, empowering point I discovered there were other areas in my life that I also wasn’t handling with confidence.  Once I decided (and yes, it is a decision) to handle money from a positive, empowering place — paying my bills not only on time but early, paying myself, saving money and saying no to overspending — I suddenly had more money and it feel so great!  Once I honored my money and my money habits, other areas of my life changed for the better, too.  It was so cool.

Are you ready to handle your money from a place of empowerment?  I hope so!

I’d like to teach you how to use your archetypes (don’t worry, I’ll explain what those are) to your advantage so you stop doing the things that sabotage your efforts to grow your money tree!  If you are interested, click here for more info.

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Are you going backward more than you are going forward?

February 27, 2014 By

hopscotch I am back here at square one!  Now, just how did that happen?  I thought I was going forward until I realized I was doing it again.  All the stuff that I do that holds me back or puts me back at the beginning.  It’s frustrating, aggravating and downright depressing.

So what happened this time?  Well, I realized that the old gremlin reared its ugly head again. I faced it before and won so… why is it coming back again?

Have you had this problem before?

I get really upset when the gremlin shows up and this time decided to do something about it.  It took courage for me to do this but I decided to face it — and I mean stare it in the face!

I asked my gremlin; “Just why are you here now?” and the conversation went something like this:

Gremlin:  I’m here to keep you safe and protect you.

Me:  Great, thank you but safe and protect me from what?

Gremlin:  From getting hurt.

Me:  Ok, I understand but what is going to hurt me?

Gremlin:  Everything.

Me:  Ok, I get it that you’re worried, but if you are keeping me safe and protecting me from getting hurt by everything, how am I supposed to live my life?

Gremlin:  Oh, well I didn’t think of that.  But it doesn’t matter because I still don’t think you are good enough anyway so why bother?

See, the gremlin is the part of us that has the doubts, the fears and the concerns.  Only ‘playing it safe’ doesn’t get us anywhere.  I was tired of never taking any chances!  I was willing to step up and out of my comfort zone because I knew the reward would be oh so great… and it is!

Let’s get back to the gremlin.  Once you know what the gremlin is protecting you from, you become aware of what is holding you back.  Then you can use your gremlin to provide the strength to move forward!  In my case I asked myself “How true is it that I’m not good enough to make money in my business, get clients, live healthy, and have great relationships?”  And I soon saw that none of it was true at all… and courage showed up!  I turned that gremlin into my motivator to take chances to be confident and bold in my life and got such great results.

Let’s go back (yes, pun intended) to you.  Are you going backward more than you are going forward?

Here are a few tips to help you face your gremlin:

  • Stop being so emotional.  When we are in our emotional thinking it is hard to see our options.  We only see fear, what ifs, and negative outcomes.
  • Start using your logical thinking.  Using your logical thinking, you can ask questions like:  “What am I afraid of?”  “What really could happen?”  “What do I know about myself that will help me take a step forward?”
  • Look at the bigger picture.  There is always more going on than we can see.  If you take a step back (this is when it’s good to step backward) and say “Ok, what exactly is going on here?”  Look at the emotional side and the logical side of your situation so you can see it with different perspectives.

Remember, examining from more than one angle often takes out the fears, the worries, and the doubts… and opens up a new view of what is really ahead of you.  If your two options are not being good enough or being even greater than you imagine, which will you choose?

I’d love to hear your comments and how you have overcome your own personal gremlin.  Please post your thoughts below!

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But I don’t have a choice…

February 20, 2014 By

three choices As a women’s business coach, I hear that comment a lot “But I don’t have a choice!”  On the contrary, you do have a choice.  You might not like the choices you are given, but you have a choice.

Once my clients embrace this concept, it’s amazing what happens!  Not only do they start making great choices, they make quick decisions and take fast action.  So therefore, feeling stuck, feeling like they don’t know what to do, and feeling insecure are all gone! Whoosh!

I’d like to point out to you that every time you say — or even think — “I don’t have a choice” you strip yourself of your energy, power and inner strength.  When you are not in a place of “Choice”, you are living as the effect of everything around you.  You’re letting others make decisions for you.  That is a very discouraging place to be!  Being IN “Choice” is the most empowered place to be.

No matter what the situation it, be it personal or professional, we all have the power to have – to take and make – a choice.

You can choose how to respond to something or how to feel about it.  It’s kind of like if someone asks “Do you want spinach or broccoli?” and you want neither.  Well, your first response might be “Well, I don’t have a choice” but you do!  You have more than two choices!  You have the option to say “I don’t want either, thank you.” See?

Sometimes we feel that our choices are cut and dry when often that is not the case.  When you believe you have no choice, you are putting on the breaks and get stuck where you feel like there is no way out.  However, when you stand in what you want and what is best for you, you can find alternative choices that best serve you and help you get to where you are going.

If I can leave you with one bit of motivation, it is to remember no matter what, you always are in “Choice”.

 

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The Secret Behind Big Success

January 30, 2014 By

child with gold medal (428x640)What’s behind the big successes of our lives?  Do you know?  If you said “lots of little ones” then you are likely on the right track to your success.  Whoohoo to you!

There is an awesome commercial on television that features U.S. Olympian Snowboarder Louie Vito, the current Gold Medalist of the 2013 Winter X Games Europe. It runs videos of his life from winning medals backwards to when he was very little.  It ends with “Behind every big moment, there are lots of little ones.”  My point, exactly.

However, when we are running our businesses we tend to think of the next big thing.  The big client we sign that pays in full, selling out your latest awesome program in one day and so on.  I’d like to remind you that before every big success, there are lots and lots of little ones that happen first.  So all those little clients are preparing you for the big one and having any people in your first program is preparing you for the sell-out later on.

While we do not necessarily celebrate the small achievements, they are the backbone to us reaching our goals.  They have to be.  I have yet to meet or hear of someone who is successful who did not have any small accomplishments!

Along with those successes are some small and big struggles, too.  I live by the mantra, “There Are No Mistakes.”  One of my mentor’s says that no matter what happens, there are only opportunities for breakthroughs.  She says:  “You didn’t meet your goal, opportunity for a breakthrough.”  “You didn’t get the client, opportunity for a breakthrough.”  The lesson in that moment is I have the choice to look within and see what I can do differently to move forward toward my goal; I have the opportunity to do something different.  And let me tell you, it’s an amazing feeling to have.

Did Louie Vito get to where he is now by not taking advantage of the little moments, both successes and struggles?  Of course not!  He got there by taking advantage of the opportunities along the way – the good ones and the not so good ones.

I invite you to look at everything happens in your life as opportunity to learn and grow and to mold your life into exactly what you want.  Remember that you are the only one responsible for your successes and your struggles…because there are no mistakes.

Filed Under: Reaching Goals, Self Worth Tagged With: ,
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