Are You Driven By Your Circumstances?

September 10, 2012 By

At 10:32 a.m. on Tuesday, September 4, 2012, I turned on my computer after a 17-day vacation…  and boy was it weird!  It was weird in that I was excited to be back in the swing of working.  It wasn’t always like this though, so it’s so awesome for me to have these feelings of excitement, anticipation and happiness to be back.  In my later years of working in corporate, the day before I’d go back to work from a vacation (heck, even a weekend) I’d feel physically ill.  I’d have trouble sleeping and then in the morning, I just couldn’t drag myself out of the bed.  I know it wasn’t because I was exhausted or even tired, I was just feeling run down from my environment which was unsupporting and toxic to me.  Have you ever felt that way?  If the answer is no, I’m thrilled for you!  But if you are like me and many of my clients who have been (or even still are) extremely beaten down by your work environment, please know that you can change it for yourself and you can do so in a way that is perfect for you!

I played the role of victim for a long time.  I allowed others to push me around and to do and say things that were hurtful, unsupporting, mean and aggressive.  I did not like conflict, so I would never speak up or ask for what I needed.  I wasn’t assertive and never honored my own feelings and what I wanted.  I just did what others wanted and became very unhappy and even began to be passive-aggressive.  It wasn’t until I hired my own life coach that I began to see how I was allowing others to treat me in this manner and that I had the power within me to be treated as I wanted to be treated.  I learned that what I wanted was just as important as what the next person wanted.  I decided it was time for me to be the driver of my life.

Here is what I learned and am going to share with you.  You too can be in the driver’s seat of your life and feel that you matter, not only to others but most importantly to yourself.

  • Lesson 1:  No one has the power to make you unhappy, feel bad about yourself or feel stupid.  When you trust, love and honor yourself, you understand that it is all about the other person’s insecurities.  It’s their inner critic that drives their behavior and has them acting in a non-supporting way toward others so that they feel good about themselves.  Don’t let them get to you.
  • Lesson 2:  Recognize that everyone (you and everyone else) has a basic need for being loved and accepted.  This is what each person is fighting for, often at the expense of other people’s feelings.  It’s not a personal attack.
  • Lesson 3:  It is A-OK to be selfish and put yourself first and ask for what you want. It’s also important to note here that it’s not what you say but often how you say it that really makes or breaks the situation.  Ask for what you want in a way that won’t ruffle any feathers.
  • Lesson 4:  Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself why might they be acting or behaving this way.  Have you contributed in some negative way that has them doing what they are doing? Be honest in your assessment.
  • Lesson 5:  Always remember that you have the power within to change how you feel and respond to any situation.  Be conscious of your feelings and remember the outcome you want in order to feel empowered from within.  Think before you react.

Following these lessons — which I also share with my clients so that they feel respected first by themselves and then by others — will soon have you feeling more positive, happy and alive!  The joy is in creating a life that you want, the life that you will be happy living.  Perhaps you won’t need a new job after all.  Maybe you’ll decide, with your newfound ways of being in your life and acting in your life, that your skills and talents would be best appreciated elsewhere.  Either way, you have now put yourself in the driver’s seat and the decisions are yours and yours alone.  Happy driving!

I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , ,

Not As Happy As You Want To Be

August 27, 2012 By

Do you love your life?  Are you not as happy as you would like to be?  Sometimes it’s what is happening on the inside that drives what is occurring on the outside.  How many times does it feel to you that your life is out of control?  Stuff is happening so fast and so often.  Your kids aren’t listening, the dog isn’t listening and your husband says you didn’t tell him what you know you told him.  Is it them?  Or is it you?

You aren’t going to like this…it is you.  If you are unhappy with what is going on, the first place to look is to you.  Great news though, you have the power to change it all.  Yes, you do!  What is going on inside is causing the turmoil on the outside.  What are your thoughts about yourself?  Are they positive, encouraging and supporting?  Or are they more along the lines of “I can’t believe I forgot that, you idiot!”  I won’t go on – I’m aiming for an upbeat feel here.

If your thoughts are negative and you are always putting yourself down, the chances are the negativity is all around your being.  Therefore, when people aren’t listening to you, you get annoyed, aggravated and even angry at them.  I call that the outward manifestation of your inner being.  What it really is though, is that you are truly annoyed, aggravated and angry at yourself.  So, then how can you turn that around and get the results you are wanting?

Here are five tips to turn it around:

  1. Remember that you have the power to change what you do not like by taking small simple steps.
  2. Stop being so hard on yourself.  When you hear your inner voice say something negative, stop it right there and remember a time where you felt confident.
  3. Be kind and encouraging to yourself.  Treat yourself as you would another person and you’ll soon shift to a better inner feeling.
  4. Start talking to yourself in a more positive and supporting way.
  5. Begin to pay attention to how you are being with others.  Are you showing up in a negative, unloving way and if so, shift that to a positive and loving manner.

Through your actions, what you will begin to see is a transformation in yourself.  You will see that you are communicating clearly and that others are really listening.  It’s almost like magic and truly beautiful.  You will notice yourself responding differently to others, and others responding to you in a good, positive, very pleasing way.

We see the outer part of ourselves so often we forget that we have an inner self as well.  Once we treat our inner self with respect, patience and love, we transform not only ourselves but those around us.  We see the world as a place of beauty; a vast area to live and breathe openly and with great joy.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights and revelations on below.

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , ,

What Are You Seeing?

July 23, 2012 By

Every night my husband uses this one baking dish – and every night I wash it.  We share the kitchen duties: he cooks, I do the dishes and we are both happy.  It’s ideal.  Well, it was until recently.  The thing getting under my skin was this one baking dish.  See, we don’t have a dishwasher – GASP, I KNOW!  I do the dishes by hand – GASP again!  And this one baking dish kept showing up and it began to irritate me.  Oftentimes it had to soak and it ended up being in the sink the next day because I would forget that it was there and I’d have to start my day by washing it.  Silly, right?

I needed to shift my perspective because this thing was really aggravating me!  I decided to look at this differently to see how it could serve me.  I began to think how this dish makes me happy.  My husband uses it to make us really delicious and nutritious meals.  Those are wonderful meals that we share together.  I came to recognize how the dish is a good thing and that my irritation to it was not.  My lesson here is about making a shift in thought from something that is annoying, irritating, aggravating or even a pain in the butt to something that is joyful, happy, supporting or even fun!

It happens.  You get annoyed, irritated, aggravated and even PO’d at something in your life.  It’s normal yet it doesn’t feel good.  I find that many of my clients are frustrated that they feel this way and look at it as a bad thing.   I tell them it doesn’t have to be!  It can be used as a tool to turn things around and feel more of what they want: joy, happiness and peace.

Are you intrigued?  I hope so.  See, once you see that you can change your perspective to work for you, it’s amazing what will appear in your life.  Let’s take exercise for an example.  You hate it, it’s grueling, it’s horrible, and it’s annoying.  Yet, I choose to exercise because it helps my body become and stay strong.  It helps me look and feel great.  It helps reduce my stress levels and makes me a happier, healthier person.   So, let’s turn it around.  By changing how you perceive exercise, you shift how you feel about it and can make it work for you! If you looked at exercise as something that fuels, supports and shows love to yourself, how would it make you feel?  You’d love your reflection (wink)!

Your turn, what turn-around would you like to experience?

Maybe it is a turn-around about how you view a certain task.  One of my clients is amazing at executing things; she is a ‘task-master’.  Yet she gets frustrated because she finds she is leaving things until the last moment.  This doesn’t exactly support her way of being – which is to be peaceful!  With my help, she decided to re-think how she went about planning, scheduling and executing her tasks.  And viola, she went from struggling to completion in no time!

Here are a few easy ways (you know I’m all about the ease) to transform how you think so that you may change how you feel about something that you are struggling with:

  • Start by determining what it is you really want to feel.
  • Ask yourself, “How will looking at this differently, and in a supporting way, help me accomplish what I want to accomplish?”
  • Make it fun!  Come up with a strategy that works for your personality and work style.
  • Celebrate your success!

So then, where can you make the shift that lets you feel more joy, happiness and peace?  I can’t wait to hear what you have to say below!

© Copyright 2012 Kim Ravida Coaching. All rights reserved. Feel free to use the material from the article in whole or in part, just makes sure you include this complete acknowledgement including the live website link and let me know where the material will appear: “Kim Ravida, owner and founder of Kim Ravida Coaching, is a Certified Professional Coach and a personal and professional motivation mentor. In essence, she motivates people to stop beating themselves up and helps them get off their butts so that they maximize their time and energy to quickly get what they want in their lives… and love their reflection! Kim produces a weekly ezine where she shares insights, inspirations, tips and ideas for setting and reaching personal and professional goals. To get more information or sign up, please go to www.kimravida.com.” 

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , ,

You Thought It Was Just You!

July 9, 2012 By

Today I was talking with a client and she said something that was music to my ears.  I love it so much when clients finally have their “ah-ha!” moments! What she said to me was that because she made the decision to take care of herself, she was seeing all kinds of changes that were both positive and exciting!

Specifically, she said she had more energy, she felt better, she had more self esteem, and she had more patience for her work and tolerance of her customers — they didn’t annoy her as much (which is a good thing!).  She said she was ‘more laid back’, her kids were proud of her, they were all having more fun and doing more family things together like cooking and eating healthier dinners and they were even helping her clean up afterward.  They all wanted to spend more time together because they were all enjoying each other’s company.

(Did you happen to notice the underlying theme of “more” being better?)

This woman has six — yes, I said six — children: five boys and one girl.  She works full time, too, but she is at the gym every single day working out and seeing her efforts pay off.  She regularly asks me “Kim, how am I doing?” because she wants to improve every time she comes in.  I call this commitment!  And it isn’t just a commitment to herself, it is also to the life of her kids, family and all aspects of her life.

When we make a decision to put ourselves first and begin taking care of ourselves, all kinds of great things happen.  This lady started out only wanting to get her shape back – you can understand that, right?  Six kids!  And what she has found — and is still finding — is that there is WAY more to this ‘getting healthy, getting fit’ thing.  Yes, it is about having a fabulous figure that you love and feel good in, but it is also about self esteem, confidence, happiness, joy, and anticipation of what is to come into your life.

Where in your life have you not made a commitment? Something that you have been wanting to do, but just… eh, not gotten there yet?  Where are you ‘settling’?  Even though you know if you finally made the commitment to yourself that not only will your life be better but that of those around you will be better, too – heck, not just better but amazing!

When I teach my in-person group exercise muscle conditioning classes, I am famous for saying “Ok, today’s challenge is …” and then I give the participants the option to ‘take it or not’.  Would you like to guess how many opt not to take it?  If you said “no one”, you are correct!  Everyone has the opportunity to always rise to the occasion and some even go higher.  I tell them to remember that the challenge is all theirs and they can make it what they want, but that this is where they will begin to grow and stretch and get closer to their personal goals.  With my private coaching clients, I offer them similar challenges and no one ever says no – although it is an option.  They know that if they are open to it, they will see great growth, success and happiness.

My challenge to you is to pick one area in your life that you have been mulling about changing, shifting, or looking at differently and take one small inspired action step toward reaching it.  Maybe it is a health and fitness goal, a fun and enjoyment goal, a family goal, a personal goal, a financial goal – whatever it is the challenge is to pick, act and smile!  You too will be on your way to growth, success and happiness!

I’d love to hear your thoughts, insights and revelations – please comment below!

© Copyright 2012 Kim Ravida Coaching. All rights reserved. Feel free to use the material from the article in whole or in part, just makes sure you include this complete acknowledgement including the live website link and let me know where the material will appear: “Kim Ravida, owner and founder of Kim Ravida Coaching, is a Certified Professional Coach and a personal and professional motivation mentor. In essence, she motivates people to stop beating themselves up and helps them get off their butts so that they maximize their time and energy to quickly get what they want in their lives… and love their reflection! Kim produces a weekly ezine where she shares insights, inspirations, tips and ideas for setting and reaching personal and professional goals. To get more information or sign up, please go to www.kimravida.com.”

Filed Under: Self Worth, Wellness Tagged With: , , ,

Who Said Faith Was Easy?

February 27, 2012 By

Faith.  I like this word.  It also means confidence, trust and assurance.  For me, all of those words evoke a powerful feeling.  Yet many of us (yes, me included) often do not have enough faith in ourselves to let go and reach for what we want…what we really want.

For many of my clients it is because they do not feel confident in themselves.  They aren’t sure, they want to make the ‘right’ decisions, they don’t want to say no, or they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.  I could go on, but I won’t because I think you get it.  Therefore many stay stuck, unhappy, unfulfilled and oftentimes depressed by their lives rather than uplifted and living the life of their dreams.

Sure, there are things going on in their lives that they believe they have to deal with or tolerate and live with.  Yet, what they eventually come to realize is that those are stories they told themselves for one reason or another to justify their unwillingness to change.  Often it leads back to the fact that they didn’t have the faith in themselves to stand up and say “I am not going to live like this anymore!”  So what happens?  They learn to have faith in themselves and also in others.  They discover that they don’t have to suffer and they can be happy.  That realize they are the leaders of their lives and when they decide to take steps — even just one small step — to get what they want, they find faith in themselves.  It’s freeing for them and opens up a whole new life!

Once my clients find the faith in themselves to allow in the confidence, trust and assurance to shine, they never go back to their old ways of being.  The beauty is that once you have faith and allow yourself to let go and reach for what you want, you usually get it and so much more!  Sometimes, you don’t even know what you want and you end up with something even better than you expected!

There is a saying “jump and the net will appear”.  Yes, that takes a lot of faith, doesn’t it?  You’re probably thinking, “If only it were that easy, I would have jumped years ago.”  Well, those years have passed, and so too have opportunities and experiences that you won’t be able to get back.  Stop that cycle right now.  If you are still feeling the fear, I encourage you to start small, just a small jump – I’ll even do it with you.  Start by telling yourself that no longer will you be held back by anything and that you will have the faith in yourself to jump into living the life you want!

What are you going to do this week that requires faith in yourself? Let me know below, I’d love to hear it!

 

© Copyright 2012 Kim Ravida Coaching. All rights reserved. Feel free to use the material from the article in whole or in part, just makes sure you include this complete acknowledgement including the live website link and let me know where the material will appear: “Kim Ravida, owner and founder of Kim Ravida Coaching, is a Certified Professional Coach and a personal and professional motivation mentor. In essence, she motivates people to stop beating themselves up and helps them get off their butts so that they maximize their time and energy to quickly get what they want in their lives… and love their reflection! Kim produces a weekly ezine where she shares insights, inspirations, tips and ideas for setting and reaching personal and professional goals. To get more information or sign up, please go to www.kimravida.com.”

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , ,

To Soar: Relax, You are Already Perfect

February 20, 2012 By

Are you familiar with the saying “Relax, you are already perfect”?  It’s a very freeing statement.  At least, I think it is.  How about you?  I’m a former perfectionist; I never did anything without fear of not doing it right.  I never stood out for fear of doing it wrong.  I never tried anything for fear of failing.  What this left me with was a stale, boring and unsatisfying life.

I spent so much of my life trying to be someone else, trying to please others, and trying to make others happy – which I know I did.  Yet, I never tried to make myself happy.  I was just plain afraid that they wouldn’t like me if I wasn’t perfect.  The thing about being someone else is, well, you aren’t!  You are you.   Until you take that step to love yourself and be you in your full glory, you’ll be just like I was, stuck and stranded on the ground.  If you want to soar, it is important for you to relax and know that you are already perfect being you.

Now, I’m not going to tell you this was an easy journey or that I’ve mastered it.  But what I can tell you is that once I freed myself from the bonds I had imposed on my life, I began to soar.  My life became everything I was wanting!  It is joyful instead of unhappy.  It is effortless instead of difficult.  I have ease instead of stress.  Most of all, I now love my life and participate fully in it rather than trudging through yet another day of the same dull, boring existence.

We are all unique and specially made… and we need to embrace it.  Once we begin to do this, we soar.  You are you and I am me, and we come together to bring joy, happiness and fulfillment to each other and the world. The subtle beauty of this is that we flourish both independently and together.

So the next time you think you have to be perfect — stop, go to the mirror, smile, and say “I am unique and special and perfect just the way I am now.”  This will help you remember that right now, this very moment, you are able to soar to your greatest self, reach your highest goals and begin to free yourself from your self-imposed perfectionism.  Trust me; it’s one of the best gifts you can gift to yourself!

Are you a perfectionist trying to change your ways?  Share your thoughts below!

 

© Copyright 2012 Kim Ravida Coaching. All rights reserved. Feel free to use the material from the article in whole or in part, just makes sure you include this complete acknowledgement including the live website link and let me know where the material will appear: “Kim Ravida, owner and founder of Kim Ravida Coaching, is a Certified Professional Coach and a personal and professional motivation mentor. In essence, she motivates people to stop beating themselves up and helps them get off their butts so that they maximize their time and energy to quickly get what they want in their lives… and love their reflection! Kim produces a weekly ezine where she shares insights, inspirations, tips and ideas for setting and reaching personal and professional goals. To get more information or sign up, please go to www.kimravida.com.” 

Filed Under: Personal Development, Reaching Goals, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Do You Love You?

February 13, 2012 By

Do you love you?  Do you tell others how much you love them yet never tell yourself how much you love you?  Hmmm…I figured as much.  So if you haven’t already told yourself how absolutely awesome you are, stop right now – go to the mirror and take a good look at yourself and say “I love you, I really, really love you.”  You are the only one who has the power to love yourself wholly and unconditionally.  If you are anything like I used to be, you are probably saying “Um, ya, don’t think so” probably because it feels uncomfortable.  However, I challenge you to ask yourself why it feels that way!  We are all unique and specially made in our own way – own it, embrace it, love it!  See, it isn’t about another person, it’s about you and how you show up in your life.  As you begin to show up more loving toward yourself, you bet you’ll show up more loving to others.

After working on this with one of my clients who was always stressed out and feeling like she was never getting anywhere, she exclaimed “Oh gosh, I never really thought of myself as important.”  Then she sat there very quiet for a long time. Finally I asked, “Okay, what are you feeling?” She replied “Anger.  I see now that I have put so much ahead of myself that I’ve missed out on a great deal in my life.”  Then she said “I know what you are going to ask, so here is the answer:  I plan to put myself first no matter how hard it is and do the things I’ve been wanting to do, take time for myself to get healthy, have fun, and love myself rather than sabotage myself.”  She knew I was going to ask her what she wanted to have in her life now that she knew what she knew.  And from there she set about creating her plan and implementing the steps for her to love herself and be able to look in the mirror and say “I love you, I really, really love you.”

The ironic part is, she is a lovely and loving woman, wife, mother, employee and friend.  She shows her love to others by helping them out, doing for them, being there for them, and making them happy.  Yet when it came to her, it didn’t feel right so she just didn’t.  She gained weight, felt stressed, angry at times, and overall just blah and worn out.  By owning the love for herself, she immediately saw how she was treating herself… and it wasn’t how she would ever treat another!

As interesting or perplexing as that may seem — where are you doing the same thing by not feeling the love of you?  Are you saying “I love myself” yet continue to put obstacles in your way so that you don’t get what you really want?  Have you had the same goal for a long time and can’t seem to reach it?  Do things seem to happen to you again and again and you have no idea why?  Saying you love yourself and really loving yourself are two different things.  Where might you really show yourself the love?

Share your thoughts below; I love hearing from you!

 

© Copyright 2012 Kim Ravida Coaching. All rights reserved. Feel free to use the material from the article in whole or in part, just makes sure you include this complete acknowledgement including the live website link and let me know where the material will appear: “Kim Ravida, owner and founder of Kim Ravida Coaching, is a Certified Professional Coach and a personal and professional motivation mentor. In essence, she motivates people to stop beating themselves up and helps them get off their butts so that they maximize their time and energy to quickly get what they want in their lives… and love their reflection! Kim produces a weekly ezine where she shares insights, inspirations, tips and ideas for setting and reaching personal and professional goals. To get more information or sign up, please go to www.kimravida.com.”

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , ,
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