Truly, it’s ALL an excuse!

June 25, 2015 By

I’ve always been interested in making things – life, business, health, etc. – better for myself and for other people.

Over the years I have worked with so many clients — and had lots of friends — who say they are going to make things better in their lives.  Things such as lose weight, get healthier, get a new job, save more money, stop spending, do a household budget, take a vacation, have more time to spend with kids, parents, family, friends.  Yet, they don’t follow through on what they say.  Why?

What I realized is that man, there are a lot of excuses out there!  Here are some of the things that not only my clients and others are saying, but I’ve said too:

  • I can’t.
  • I have no time.
  • I have too much to do.
  • I don’t have enough money.
  • I need to learn how to do x first.
  • The weather is too cold/hot/whatever (yes, I’ve heard this).

Well, let me tell you exactly what these are…these are just excuses – and we all make them.  Because when we truly want to do something, we’ll do it.  When we really, really want something, we find a way to make it happen.

Why, then, do we make excuses?

Many of us fool ourselves into thinking it will be hard or we don’t like change or it’s going to take too much time.  And oh yeah, there can be a lot of that “F” word – FEAR!  Fear of lots of things.

Some of us know underneath and down inside, though, that we can’t be trusted to follow through.

Ouch!

For years we have let ourselves down by saying one thing and doing another.  This creates not only a pattern of negativity but also sends a message to our subconscious that we can’t be trusted.  So why bother getting started, we won’t be successful anyway.  Right?  Let’s make it wrong!

Look, we all know people who are successful at whatever they set out to do, so what makes them different?  They trust themselves to do what they say they are going to do… even if it’s hard.

Here are a few tips to break the negative pattern so you can begin to trust yourself, too:

  1. Pick something small to do and when you’ll do it – like walk around the block in the morning or read for ten minutes this evening — and write it down. Then do it!
  2. When you’ve done it…do a happy dance and pat yourself on the back! Yes, reinforcement does work!
  3. Do this for several weeks and then take on bigger goals. Soon you’ll be proving to yourself that you can be trusted.
  4. Enlist the help of a trusted friend or hire a coach to help support you and keep you accountable to yourself. Often, just having an outside source is enough to keep the fire lit through completion.
  5. Keep a journal or list of how you are doing so you can see that yes, indeed, you are following through.

When you finally show yourself that you can be trusted, the sky is the limit!  You’ll be done with excuses and reaching your goals faster and with more joy.

When you do, post below on my blog or email me at kim@kimravida.com to share your success and elation!

 

Filed Under: Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , , , ,

The Secret to Success

March 26, 2015 By

I refuse to quit message, handwriting with chalk on blackboard, lifestyle change conceptDo you love secrets?  I used to as a kid; it was so awesome to hear “I’m just telling you this and no one else.” How thrilling it was to be the keeper of the secret!  However, I soon realized there were others who knew the same secret… so it wasn’t much of a secret, was it?

Then, how can I tell you the secret of success and still have it be a secret?  Doesn’t really make any sense, right?  Well, okay, the secret really isn’t a secret.  BUT it is something that if you do it, you will have success!  And if you don’t, you will continue to have stress, frustration and overwhelm, not to mention much unhappiness and feeling bad about yourself.  So what is this secret to success?

Drum roll, please.  The secret to success is to change your perspective.  Yes, change your perspective.  Easy, right?  Well, not so fast.  If it were, we’d actually do it.  If change were easy – well, we’d all have so much joy, happiness and success all of the time.  So what makes changing our perspective so challenging?  That’s easy to answer: it is all in the word ‘change’.  We need to alter, amend or adjust what we are thinking, doing and saying.  And oftentimes we aren’t clear on that and so we say “I hate change.”  And because we ‘hate’ change, we won’t do it. 

Notice that last phrase “won’t do it” – it has such a limiting feel, doesn’t it?  Picture a child stamping his/her foot – they normally don’t say “I won’t”, they just say “NO!” It’s the same thing when you say ‘won’t’.  Hmmm.  Ringing any bells?  ‘Can’t’ is a word that shows up, too.  Do you ever hear yourself saying “I can’t” either out loud or inside your head?  So my friend, when you find yourself in that ‘won’t’ and ‘can’t’ place, that’s a good time for the perspective change to come in.

Think of a time where you were trying to get something done and you kept coming up against obstacle after obstacle and finally you said “Never mind, I give up.”  What happened?  Did you suddenly have a bright idea of how to get what you wanted?  More often than not, the answer is yes.  I know because it happens to me and to my clients, so I’m not just making things up here.  It’s because you decided (without you even knowing) to have a perspective change – you gave up.  But what you really did was release the expectation to the outcome you had going on in your head.

See, when we change the way we look at things, no matter how small, the things we look at change.  Dr. Wayne Dyer says that all the time and he’s right.

So the secret is easy, right?  Change your perspective and change your life.  Yet so many people resist it because they are used to behaving in a certain way, even if it isn’t consciously.  We self-sabotage all the time and think we have no control over anything that happens to us.  But we do, we do!  Change is NOT hard.  Change is easy.  It is what we tell yourself about change that makes it hard.  We make up all of these stories in our head about this and that, and rarely do they come true.  All that does is hold us firmly rooted in stress, frustration and overwhelm that leads to unhappiness.  Give this secret a try and shift your perspective to something that is more pleasing to you and will bring you the happiness you want.

What’s one thing right now that you can change your perspective on?  Maybe it’s something you have been saying “I can’t” about or stomping your foot saying “NO, I won’t”.  Where can you have a slight perspective shift that will take you from stress, frustration and overwhelm to joy, peace and ease?  Go on, I know once you do it you will feel so much better!

When you do, feel free to comment below and let me know what the shift did for you and how much better you feel!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Reaching Goals Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

What’s Money Got To Do With It?

June 10, 2013 By

financial freedomIf you are trying to lose weight and are unsuccessful, chances are you need some help.  Asking for help is a sign of strength, yet so many people are reluctant to do it.  The main reason I hear is lack of money.  People say “I can’t afford it.”  Yet in my book, that’s an excuse.  I hear lots of excuses from my group and private clients, and it usually all comes back to the mighty dollar.

A coaching client of mine recently lost a significant amount weight, yet she continued wearing her old plus-size clothes when she should have been wearing a size 10-12!  Why?  She told me she couldn’t spend money on clothes because they are expensive and, besides, she still had weight to lose.  As a coach I am supposed to be completely non-judgmental, yet I really got upset with her.  She made these significant strides forward in her health and fitness, creating a great healthy life for herself, yet she was sabotaging her success by wearing clothes that didn’t fit, didn’t look good, and she felt bad wearing!

After getting to the bottom of why she felt she couldn’t spend money, she realized she was caught up in an old money story (we all have them).  She grew up with the message that you “wear the clothes that you have because they are decent clothes and good money was spent on them”.  So we worked on her money stories (oh yes, she had more than one).  In the end she was finally able to go out and spend some money on herself with a clear conscious.  She got new outfits that were flattering to her new figure—and guess what?  She felt like a million bucks after that.

You can see how that mindset of “I can’t afford” isn’t supportive or healthy when it comes to self esteem.  All of us have ingrained messages, which we often aren’t aware of, that hold us back.  Coaching is great at bringing these messages to the surface so we can address them and move on.  Once we know what to look for, we can see them coming from a mile away and head them off before they do any damage.

Since they tend to show up as excuses, here are just a few I hear all the time that are related to money (and old money stories) as well as some tips for letting them go.

Excuse 1:  It’s too expensive, I can’t afford it.  “It” usually pertains to something that—if you did it, bought it, got it or had it—would  make your life easier or better in some way, but you use the fallback excuse above.  It’s so easy to say; it feels comfortable coming out of your mouth and you are used to saying it.  When you hear yourself saying “I can’t afford it, it’s too expensive”, ask yourself what old money story makes you think that way.  Then ask yourself how would you feel if you did have it; what would your life be like?  It might just be that you can’t afford not to have it.

Excuse 2:  I’m not ready to spend the money yet.  When will you be ready?  How is waiting to be ready to spend the money for what you want going to bring you any closer to it?  In weight loss, how is not being ready to buy new clothes helping you?  You have an opportunity to look and feel good immediately yet you make an excuse not to.  Be ready wherever you are.  Change your money story to “I am ready and willing to spend the money now to feel and look great because I am worth it!”

Excuse 3:  I can’t… Clients have said to me:  “I can’t afford a gym membership to get in shape” or “I can’t afford to eat healthy”… I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.  Again, in my book that’s just a bunch of BS.  Here’s why.  Think about something you wish you had done differently in your past, like not joining a gym last year when you first wanted to lose weight or not buying the adorable outfit you saw a few months ago that you really wish you had now the weather is nice.  So now notice the feeling of disappointment or regret you’re experiencing.  Not fun, is it?  Stop having regrets and being disappointed!  What is one thing you want to do but are saying “I can’t”?  Go and do it.

I suggest you tell everyone you are close to and spend time with regularly that you are on a journey.  Whether it’s to improve health and fitness or dissecting your money story or something else, getting help and having accountability to reach your goals will be easier when you have support. It will help you get from “I can’t” to a resounding “I can… and will!”

Go out and spend some money on yourself and feel on top of the world because of it!

I’d love to hear your thoughts; drop me an email or feel free to share your insights and revelations below!

P.S. If you are still having a hard time and feel disorganized and frustrated with money, send me an email.  I have a wonderful new program that might be a good fit for you.  It will bring you financial freedom and inner worth by helping you remove any limits on your money story.  Just put in the subject line:  I want financial freedom!

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , ,