Are you being haunted?

haunted (640x625)Did that get your attention?  I hope so – and I hope you are asking ‘”Haunted by what?”  Haunted by your money story.  Your money story – we all have one – is the story that you tell yourself about why you aren’t good with money, why you feel entitled to spend money, why you believe what you believe around money.  Some are good and some are not so good and others are really haunting.

What is your money story?  Do you feel good about money?  Do you feel powerful with it?  Do you feel in control of your money?  Are you happy with your money and how you handle it?  Do you always have enough money to pay the bills with money left over to take vacations, buy things you like, have experiences you want?

For many, their money story isn’t a pleasant one.  I’ve heard a lot of money stories.  Here are a few – one woman’s mother used to hide money because she was afraid that someone would break in and steal it (even though they lived in a pretty good and safe neighborhood).  She didn’t want anyone inside the family discussing money with anyone else.  She would always say “This goes no further” with such a stern voice, the kids never did talk about money (or anything else for that matter) because they were afraid they would get into trouble….hmmmm

Another woman never had to ask for money; she always got what she wanted and then some.  Her family was very loose with money, always spending it and enjoying it.  And so that is what she did when she was old enough to earn her own living.  Her money story was that money was always there for whatever she wanted, that’s what she had learned.  It wasn’t until she tried to get a mortgage that she realized she was in debt up to her eyeballs and owed almost everyone tons of money – her words.  See she didn’t learn how to live on what she brought in because her money story was that money was meant to be spent and enjoyed.

Two totally different money stories.  The woman whose family didn’t talk about money took that to mean not to talk about money or anything else and to hide it.  And the woman whose family spent freely took that to mean to spend without abandon.  Both women have money issues that get in their way of living the life they want.  Both women’s money stories created painful life experiences and lots of negativity and shame in their lives.

Our money story, while not necessarily a negative, can be something that is holding us back from truly prospering.  So then, what is your money story and is it something you want to change?  If it is, know that you can.  Choose what you want your new money story to be and start living it!

What’s Money Got To Do With It?

financial freedomIf you are trying to lose weight and are unsuccessful, chances are you need some help.  Asking for help is a sign of strength, yet so many people are reluctant to do it.  The main reason I hear is lack of money.  People say “I can’t afford it.”  Yet in my book, that’s an excuse.  I hear lots of excuses from my group and private clients, and it usually all comes back to the mighty dollar.

A coaching client of mine recently lost a significant amount weight, yet she continued wearing her old plus-size clothes when she should have been wearing a size 10-12!  Why?  She told me she couldn’t spend money on clothes because they are expensive and, besides, she still had weight to lose.  As a coach I am supposed to be completely non-judgmental, yet I really got upset with her.  She made these significant strides forward in her health and fitness, creating a great healthy life for herself, yet she was sabotaging her success by wearing clothes that didn’t fit, didn’t look good, and she felt bad wearing!

After getting to the bottom of why she felt she couldn’t spend money, she realized she was caught up in an old money story (we all have them).  She grew up with the message that you “wear the clothes that you have because they are decent clothes and good money was spent on them”.  So we worked on her money stories (oh yes, she had more than one).  In the end she was finally able to go out and spend some money on herself with a clear conscious.  She got new outfits that were flattering to her new figure—and guess what?  She felt like a million bucks after that.

You can see how that mindset of “I can’t afford” isn’t supportive or healthy when it comes to self esteem.  All of us have ingrained messages, which we often aren’t aware of, that hold us back.  Coaching is great at bringing these messages to the surface so we can address them and move on.  Once we know what to look for, we can see them coming from a mile away and head them off before they do any damage.

Since they tend to show up as excuses, here are just a few I hear all the time that are related to money (and old money stories) as well as some tips for letting them go.

Excuse 1:  It’s too expensive, I can’t afford it.  “It” usually pertains to something that—if you did it, bought it, got it or had it—would  make your life easier or better in some way, but you use the fallback excuse above.  It’s so easy to say; it feels comfortable coming out of your mouth and you are used to saying it.  When you hear yourself saying “I can’t afford it, it’s too expensive”, ask yourself what old money story makes you think that way.  Then ask yourself how would you feel if you did have it; what would your life be like?  It might just be that you can’t afford not to have it.

Excuse 2:  I’m not ready to spend the money yet.  When will you be ready?  How is waiting to be ready to spend the money for what you want going to bring you any closer to it?  In weight loss, how is not being ready to buy new clothes helping you?  You have an opportunity to look and feel good immediately yet you make an excuse not to.  Be ready wherever you are.  Change your money story to “I am ready and willing to spend the money now to feel and look great because I am worth it!”

Excuse 3:  I can’t… Clients have said to me:  “I can’t afford a gym membership to get in shape” or “I can’t afford to eat healthy”… I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.  Again, in my book that’s just a bunch of BS.  Here’s why.  Think about something you wish you had done differently in your past, like not joining a gym last year when you first wanted to lose weight or not buying the adorable outfit you saw a few months ago that you really wish you had now the weather is nice.  So now notice the feeling of disappointment or regret you’re experiencing.  Not fun, is it?  Stop having regrets and being disappointed!  What is one thing you want to do but are saying “I can’t”?  Go and do it.

I suggest you tell everyone you are close to and spend time with regularly that you are on a journey.  Whether it’s to improve health and fitness or dissecting your money story or something else, getting help and having accountability to reach your goals will be easier when you have support. It will help you get from “I can’t” to a resounding “I can… and will!”

Go out and spend some money on yourself and feel on top of the world because of it!

I’d love to hear your thoughts; drop me an email or feel free to share your insights and revelations below!

P.S. If you are still having a hard time and feel disorganized and frustrated with money, send me an email.  I have a wonderful new program that might be a good fit for you.  It will bring you financial freedom and inner worth by helping you remove any limits on your money story.  Just put in the subject line:  I want financial freedom!