Are you too perfect?

May 22, 2014 By

scoldedAre you a perfectionist?

Ah there it is, it’s out in the open. Did you say “Yes I am” loud and proud or did you said “Yes I am but I’m trying not to be”? But what is a perfectionist… really? Well, it’s a pain in the arse so to speak. It is someone for whom ‘good enough’ is never enough and they constantly tweak, fix and oftentimes never finish. A perfectionist agonizes over making decisions and choices. A perfectionist has a hard time answering questions. A perfectionist causes a lot of stress and anxiety not only for themselves but those around them.

What happens is that perfectionism often creates a lot of turmoil in our lives. It can take the joy out of life and truthfully it can drive people around us crazy. Perfectionism can show up for us when we are feeling ‘less than’, like we aren’t good enough or have to prove ourselves. We may have had an experience in our childhood — or adulthood actually — where we were criticized over something that made us feel that we had to be better and better.

I have a client (I’ll call her Jane) who was always compared to her sibling. Her mother would say “You are so immature. Why can’t you be more like your sister? She is mature and you aren’t.” So no wonder Jane felt that she needed to constantly strive do more. This experience has reinforced in her that she isn’t good enough in any aspect of her life and she is persistently going above and beyond to prove that she is good enough. Jane often goes to the place of “Why should I bother, nothing I do is ever good enough?” This translates into quite a lot of stress and negative energy in her life and her business.

Jane needed to change her ‘inner story’ in order to change her ‘outer results’. And once she got to the point where “good enough is good enough” she was finally able to be free of the “I’m not good enough” story that had ruled her life. She began to have more joy in her life and her business began to thrive. When she let go of being perfect, she let go of all of the negative energy that was surrounding her and creating a force field, if you will, that repelled what she actually wanted.

Perfectionist tendencies show up in all areas of our lives and remember, how we do one thing is how we do everything. While we want to put our best self and our best work forward, we also want to make sure that we aren’t creating situations where it is impossible to even get forward.

So where might you be holding yourself back because something isn’t perfect enough?

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , ,

Three Steps to Chill Out and Be Present

November 27, 2013 By

spilled coffeeThere are so many things we have to… and need to do… and want to do… that it is easy to jam pack our to-do list, our schedule and our life with busy-work.  BUT it is necessary to do so?  You may be saying “Yes, of course it is.  How else am I going to get things done?”  Well, that depends on what you have to get done.

If you are a do-er and an action-taker—and dare I say ‘perfectionist’—it is very easy to get caught up in the doing of it all.  But where does living your life like you want it fit in?  It really doesn’t because you are so busy being in the future about what you have to get done and feel you should be doing that you forget to live in the here and now.

My dad had a saying, well he actually had two that are relevant to share with you: “One day at a time” and “One thing at a time”.  He was good at saying “I’ll be with you in a moment, right now I’m finishing this.”  Meanwhile my mother and I are racing around doing (and not finishing) ten things to his finished one.  I know for sure, by my own experience and those of my friends and clients, that when your attention is not in one place, neither are you.   You simply cannot give whatever you are doing justice if you are not fully present.

Have you ever spilled a beverage, dropped something, banged into the corner of your desk, or stubbed your toe while you were trying to do something else?  That’s being in the future (or the past).  And oh yes, the spilled beverage on your carpet, the shattered screen on your dropped smart phone or the stubbed toe absolutely brings you into the present in a very fast way!  It’s a rude reminder that you need to slow down, take a breath and maybe take a break.

I had a client who woke up one morning, got out her cereal bowl and her juice glass, and before she realized what she was doing the bowl was full of cider.  She was upset and beating herself up over this.  It actually threw off her entire day and when I asked her what was going on the moment before she poured the cider, she said she was thinking about her day and all that she had to do and what she wasn’t going to finish.  And so there you have it:  when we are not present, we can’t fully be mindful of what we are doing.

Would you like to experience fewer mishaps and mistakes throughout your day?  Do you want to accomplish things and have them done right the first time?  Be with yourself and not 10 steps ahead.

Here are three quick and easy ways for you to check in with how you feel and be more mindful and present in the moment:

  • Take a breath.  Do you feel frazzled?  Simply stop moving.  Sit or stand still and breathe in to the count of 5 (slowly), then hold for a count of 2 and let your breath out for a count of 5, pausing for another count of 2.  Try it right now – don’t you feel better?
  • Look around you.  Are you jumpy and anxious?  Look at where you are and what’s near you.  Name what comes into your vision and give it a moment’s thought.  The dog, “Oh, he’s actually snoring in his sleep”; the knickknack you picked up on vacation and what a fun time you had; the clouds in the sky and the shape they appear to you.  Small distractions will settle your thoughts.
  • Change your view.  Do you need to get out of your office?  Do you need to go outside?  Sometimes stopping what you are doing and taking a break is essential to help you be more mindful.  Whatever it is, do it.  Just five minutes can do wonders for your focus.

Follow the above tips and you’ll be mindful and in the present moment in no time (without stubbing your toe).  You’ll be happier, more productive and relaxed too.  And the next time you feel on the edge…go ahead and try one or all of them all and let me know how it works out for you.  Also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , , , , , ,

To Soar: Relax, You are Already Perfect

February 20, 2012 By

Are you familiar with the saying “Relax, you are already perfect”?  It’s a very freeing statement.  At least, I think it is.  How about you?  I’m a former perfectionist; I never did anything without fear of not doing it right.  I never stood out for fear of doing it wrong.  I never tried anything for fear of failing.  What this left me with was a stale, boring and unsatisfying life.

I spent so much of my life trying to be someone else, trying to please others, and trying to make others happy – which I know I did.  Yet, I never tried to make myself happy.  I was just plain afraid that they wouldn’t like me if I wasn’t perfect.  The thing about being someone else is, well, you aren’t!  You are you.   Until you take that step to love yourself and be you in your full glory, you’ll be just like I was, stuck and stranded on the ground.  If you want to soar, it is important for you to relax and know that you are already perfect being you.

Now, I’m not going to tell you this was an easy journey or that I’ve mastered it.  But what I can tell you is that once I freed myself from the bonds I had imposed on my life, I began to soar.  My life became everything I was wanting!  It is joyful instead of unhappy.  It is effortless instead of difficult.  I have ease instead of stress.  Most of all, I now love my life and participate fully in it rather than trudging through yet another day of the same dull, boring existence.

We are all unique and specially made… and we need to embrace it.  Once we begin to do this, we soar.  You are you and I am me, and we come together to bring joy, happiness and fulfillment to each other and the world. The subtle beauty of this is that we flourish both independently and together.

So the next time you think you have to be perfect — stop, go to the mirror, smile, and say “I am unique and special and perfect just the way I am now.”  This will help you remember that right now, this very moment, you are able to soar to your greatest self, reach your highest goals and begin to free yourself from your self-imposed perfectionism.  Trust me; it’s one of the best gifts you can gift to yourself!

Are you a perfectionist trying to change your ways?  Share your thoughts below!

 

© Copyright 2012 Kim Ravida Coaching. All rights reserved. Feel free to use the material from the article in whole or in part, just makes sure you include this complete acknowledgement including the live website link and let me know where the material will appear: “Kim Ravida, owner and founder of Kim Ravida Coaching, is a Certified Professional Coach and a personal and professional motivation mentor. In essence, she motivates people to stop beating themselves up and helps them get off their butts so that they maximize their time and energy to quickly get what they want in their lives… and love their reflection! Kim produces a weekly ezine where she shares insights, inspirations, tips and ideas for setting and reaching personal and professional goals. To get more information or sign up, please go to www.kimravida.com.” 

Filed Under: Personal Development, Reaching Goals, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , ,