Are you disappointing yourself?

April 28, 2016 By

It’s an interesting thing we do. We disappoint ourselves all the time. Are you thinking “no I don’t” right now?

Let me ask you, have you said to yourself “I’ll do that today” (whatever “that” is)? And then do you end up NOT doing it? Or even making an excuse as to why you didn’t do it or weren’t able to do it? Well, that’s disappointing yourself.

A disappointed monster in front of a wooden signage

Your true self knows that you are lying to avoid the disappointment of saying you didn’t do it or didn’t do what you said you’d do so you are truly only hurting yourself. Why do we do it? (Yes, I’ve done it too.) Well, to feel successful, we want to look good and so we tend to say things that aren’t necessarily accurate even to ourselves.

But that’s where we end up disappointing ourselves and it’s a downward spiral from there. So then, I’d like to offer you a couple of ways in which you can start to be honest with yourself.

  1.  Write down everything you plan to do. This will give you a touch point to refer to so that you remember what you told yourself you were going to do so you can go and do it.
  2. Cross it off ONLY when you complete it. This may seem silly but this action will show you without a doubt what you did get done. You must be honest (no futzing/fibbing) though and not cross things off if you did not do it.
Be true to and with yourself and you will never let yourself down – Kim Ravida

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By doing these two steps you’ll be able to truly and honestly see yourself in the best light, and you’ll be in the best light! You’ll be on the road to trustworthiness with yourself. The days of disappointing yourself will be over and you’ll find you are more successful as well as happy!

Your turn, how can you see using the above steps to move from disappointing yourself to seeing yourself shine? Hop over to my Facebook page to share.

 

Filed Under: Empowerment, Personal Development, Reaching Goals, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , ,

Puzzles, Perfectionists and Perception

May 29, 2014 By

BLOG letters on corkboardI’ve decided to experiment with a new format. Usually I provide one article, but today I share my blog posts that you might have missed. They are insightful and though-provoking. You know I like to inspire action and change! Let me know what you think of the new format!

Do you like puzzles?
Life is like a jigsaw puzzle. There are lots of pieces that show up – often as problems – and you must try to solve them one after the other, and often it feels as if there are too many pieces and too many puzzles. Click here to read more…

Do you believe it?
Life is such a joy! Ok, give it to me. You thought or said to yourself “Really? Is she serious?” I know you did because I come across so many people who think that life has to be hard and things have to be difficult. They’re the ones that when something goes easy and simply, they wonder when the other shoe is going to fall. How did we get to this place of expecting the other shoe to fall? Why do we always look for what is wrong? Finish reading…

Are you too perfect?
Are you a perfectionist? Ah there it is, it’s out in the open. Did you say “Yes I am” loud and proud or did you said “Yes I am but I’m trying not to be”? But what is a perfectionist… really? Continue reading…

 

 

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

How great are you?

May 15, 2014 By

smily face.jpgI have aligned myself with others who share similar interests and philosophies and theories when it comes to living a great life.

So just how great are you? Would you say – like Muhammad Ali did –“I am the greatest”? Or would you say “I’m not that great”? You are truly greater and wiser than you think you are. So then, how can you begin to live in what Jay Forte calls ‘Your Greatness Zone’? If you aren’t sure of what that is, get his book click here.

One of the things I know for sure is that we weren’t put on this earth to be average; we were put here to be great! We were put here to excel and to share our gifts. Everyone has different gifts and talents. Sadly, many of us have been formed into a life of what others thought would be best for us. I have a client who went to school to become an accountant because that is what her father said she should do. She hated it, and so after many years decided to do something else. She is now a Reiki master and loves what she does. Another client became an engineer because his father was one and expected him to be one too. There was no other alternative for this person. He is still an engineer only he has learned to use his skills, talents and gifts to his advantage and has come to love his work.

My own story is that I didn’t excel in school. I never felt smart and was never encouraged to try new things. I was encouraged to do the best I could… but what was I best at? I did not know. When it came time to finish high school I did not have a plan of what I was going to do. I knew I had to do something, so I enrolled in the local community college and got an Associate degree in Secretarial Sciences. I worked in that field for about 25 years. In the middle of my 25-year-role in support, I got my business degree and began teaching group exercise: both of which I loved. I realized my greatness was to teach, inspire and help others live fabulous lives and to help business owners and leaders excel at what they do best.

Here are a few things to think about in order for you to begin tapping into your greatness:

  • Figure out what makes your heart sing. What are you good at? What comes naturally to you? What do you love to do – so much that when you are doing it you lose track of time? What is easy for you? What do you always jump at doing? For the next week, make a list of what you notice.
  • Your childhood interests. Think back to when you were young, what did you love to play? For me, I loved to play teacher – not surprising then that I found teaching was what felt great to me. Take some time next week to list out all those things you loved to do as a child, whether playing with others or by yourself.
  • What have other people complimented you on? This is eye opening. We get feedback all the time from others – usually we only pay attention to the negative feedback or that which we do not like. But I know you have been given compliments or comments that you probably haven’t paid much attention to. Think about comments others have said to you – such as “You are really calm, you do a great job at organizing parties. How do you get so much done?” Or an even better idea is to ask 5-10 trusted friends/colleagues what they think you do particularly well.

Remember what I said about you being greater and wiser than you think you are. Ask yourself “What do I want to be great at? What will bring me the most happiness and joy? How can I live a great life?” Then set some time aside to start planning and creating what you want for yourself and watch what amazing opportunities, people and experiences start coming into your life.

I’m so sure that you’ll have amazing things come into your life and I’d love to hear about them. Please post to my blog below or reply to this email!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

What Happens When You Create Roadblocks

April 9, 2014 By

lotus flowerIf you watched the Olympic Men’s Short Program, you saw American Jeremy Abbott take a bad fall off his quad toe loop and lay on the ice for what seemed like hours!  In the end he did get up and he attacked the ice like there was no tomorrow.  He told the reporter he felt the audience cheering him on and that is how he was able to get up and finish his program and pretty much put in a solid performance from that point on.  You could see the determination on his face, in fact.  He then went on to skate an amazingly strong, both physically and mentally, long program.  You could almost feel that he had released the stress and worry and all that he had been carrying before the fall.

So what happened?  He stepped outside himself and just allowed the skating to happen.  He wasn’t thinking, he wasn’t calculating, he wasn’t pushing, he wasn’t doing.  He was allowing.  It is in the allowing that the flow comes.  As a mentor, coach and motivator (and former adult figure skater) I knew the moment he stepped out onto the ice for the beginning of his short program that he was in his head.  He was thinking, figuring and he was pushing – he was worrying “what if I fall, what if I don’t do well, what if I make a mistake.”  And what happened? Yet after the mistake, he didn’t have to worry about making one.  He just had to go on and do.

It’s in the doing that we reach our success and get what we want.  When we are in our heads, we can’t let go and allow things to happen.  Are you guilty of doing this?  When have you disappointed yourself because you held back by being in fear and worry and self doubt?

As humans we spend too much time in fear, worry and self-doubt!  We spend so much time – waste it really – thinking about doing things and not actually doing them.  I know this because lots of my clients struggle with this and once they have broken through and actually done what they wanted to, they are so astounded by the feelings of accomplishment.  They’re so pleased with themselves that it spurs them on further to try new, exciting opportunities.

In high school I was upset because my hair wouldn’t behave, and it was taking me forever to get ready to go out with my best friend.  I said “I look terrible” and she said “No, you look pretty.  And and don’t take this the wrong way, but not everyone is going to be thinking about you.”  On the surface it could have been a catty remark, but I knew it wasn’t.  She was my best friend and I trusted her word.  It was the wakeup call I needed.  I was putting a lot of pressure on myself which was causing me to be in my head and not out living.

When we let perfectionism and fear of failure get in our way – whoa, it is a recipe for inertia and disaster.  I think what happens to a lot of people is we get caught up in the absolute end result and what we actually want and how we want it, instead of the journey of it and the delightful unexpected experiences we get to have along the way.  I live by the saying “There Are No Mistakes” and that in every moment there is an opportunity to have a breakthrough and to grow and live my life in such vibrancy and joy.  There is such possibility in everything we do, imagine what would happen for us if we just let go of our fear.

Here are several tips for you:

  • Be your best supporter!  When you think highly and positively of yourself, then you feel great inside and you have the courage and confidence to undertake anything you want.
  • Trying trumps inaction every time.  Break things down to small tasks.  Taking one small step, no matter what it is, will be the start of something great.  Getting caught up in thinking it’s going to be such a big task will keep you in inertia every time.
  • There are no mistakes.  Look at things that happen in your life as experiences and ways to learn and grow and live.  To live vibrant and joyfully means to do, be, have.  You must do things to have experiences and you must be in order to do.

How can you support yourself?  How can you begin to take small action steps?  Where will your learnings come from?  Hopefully not from others!

Please feel free to share either by sending me a personal email at kim@kimravida.com or post below here on my blog!

Filed Under: Reaching Goals, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Whose Life Is It, Anyway?

October 23, 2013 By

stamp guaranteed authenticAre you living your life the way you want to?  Before you switch to autopilot and say yes… pause and think about that question.  Are you living your life the way you really want to?  If you can honestly say yes, I congratulate you!  Yet, if you are one of many who hang their head and say “No, I’m not” then I am happy to tell you that can change.

You’re not alone.  I have worked with women who went to school for a degree they weren’t even interested in just because their parents insisted.  I have worked with women who got married to a man they didn’t love just because it was expected of them by their families.  I have worked with women who had no idea what it was they wanted, but knew they are tremendously unhappy with who they became and where they were in their lives.

This is common because most women like to please.  And if you are anything like I used to be, not pleasing someone else is so painful that you just don’t let it happen.  Yet, who suffers when you are not even trying to please yourself?  You are!

First, you need to understand you are entitled to have the life you want; a life which is agreeable to you and supports you and your desires.  You just have to take the action to get it.

The first step is a matter of knowing who you are.  And that might be really hard especially if you have been pretending to be someone else because you don’t even know who you are or what you want.

So, get to know who you are.  Who are you when you are being your true, authentic self?  Seems easy on the surface, right?  Not necessarily.  In order to work toward getting to know you—to really know yourself—spend quiet time alone with paper and pen to answer the following questions (schedule this on your calendar if you have to):

  • What makes me smile?
  • What excites me?
  • When do I feel the most joy?
  • What makes me feel good?
  • What are my favorite hobbies or past-times?
  • What am I really good at doing?

Don’t hold back your answers.  Let them flow.  This is for you!   However, if you feel that you are holding back, it is a telltale sign you are possibly afraid you will be judged by others.  Stop!  This is what got you in this position in the first place; it only leads to you behaving like someone else.

So now you have your true answers to the questions above.  Think about how it would feel if you pursued them and didn’t have any fear of being judged or questioned.  (Yes, you can do this. You must do this in order to have the life you really want!)

You would feel great, happy, free, liberated, justified, excited about life and maybe many other feelings, too!  And ultimately…you would now know the real you, right?

Remember, the first step to being yourself is to know yourself.  And just like when you meet someone new whose company you enjoy and want to know more about them… getting to know yourself is like gaining a new best friend. 

Let me know how you make out, and also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below or post to my Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/KimRavidaCoaching page if you are willing to share with my community.

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

What’s Money Got To Do With It?

June 10, 2013 By

financial freedomIf you are trying to lose weight and are unsuccessful, chances are you need some help.  Asking for help is a sign of strength, yet so many people are reluctant to do it.  The main reason I hear is lack of money.  People say “I can’t afford it.”  Yet in my book, that’s an excuse.  I hear lots of excuses from my group and private clients, and it usually all comes back to the mighty dollar.

A coaching client of mine recently lost a significant amount weight, yet she continued wearing her old plus-size clothes when she should have been wearing a size 10-12!  Why?  She told me she couldn’t spend money on clothes because they are expensive and, besides, she still had weight to lose.  As a coach I am supposed to be completely non-judgmental, yet I really got upset with her.  She made these significant strides forward in her health and fitness, creating a great healthy life for herself, yet she was sabotaging her success by wearing clothes that didn’t fit, didn’t look good, and she felt bad wearing!

After getting to the bottom of why she felt she couldn’t spend money, she realized she was caught up in an old money story (we all have them).  She grew up with the message that you “wear the clothes that you have because they are decent clothes and good money was spent on them”.  So we worked on her money stories (oh yes, she had more than one).  In the end she was finally able to go out and spend some money on herself with a clear conscious.  She got new outfits that were flattering to her new figure—and guess what?  She felt like a million bucks after that.

You can see how that mindset of “I can’t afford” isn’t supportive or healthy when it comes to self esteem.  All of us have ingrained messages, which we often aren’t aware of, that hold us back.  Coaching is great at bringing these messages to the surface so we can address them and move on.  Once we know what to look for, we can see them coming from a mile away and head them off before they do any damage.

Since they tend to show up as excuses, here are just a few I hear all the time that are related to money (and old money stories) as well as some tips for letting them go.

Excuse 1:  It’s too expensive, I can’t afford it.  “It” usually pertains to something that—if you did it, bought it, got it or had it—would  make your life easier or better in some way, but you use the fallback excuse above.  It’s so easy to say; it feels comfortable coming out of your mouth and you are used to saying it.  When you hear yourself saying “I can’t afford it, it’s too expensive”, ask yourself what old money story makes you think that way.  Then ask yourself how would you feel if you did have it; what would your life be like?  It might just be that you can’t afford not to have it.

Excuse 2:  I’m not ready to spend the money yet.  When will you be ready?  How is waiting to be ready to spend the money for what you want going to bring you any closer to it?  In weight loss, how is not being ready to buy new clothes helping you?  You have an opportunity to look and feel good immediately yet you make an excuse not to.  Be ready wherever you are.  Change your money story to “I am ready and willing to spend the money now to feel and look great because I am worth it!”

Excuse 3:  I can’t… Clients have said to me:  “I can’t afford a gym membership to get in shape” or “I can’t afford to eat healthy”… I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.  Again, in my book that’s just a bunch of BS.  Here’s why.  Think about something you wish you had done differently in your past, like not joining a gym last year when you first wanted to lose weight or not buying the adorable outfit you saw a few months ago that you really wish you had now the weather is nice.  So now notice the feeling of disappointment or regret you’re experiencing.  Not fun, is it?  Stop having regrets and being disappointed!  What is one thing you want to do but are saying “I can’t”?  Go and do it.

I suggest you tell everyone you are close to and spend time with regularly that you are on a journey.  Whether it’s to improve health and fitness or dissecting your money story or something else, getting help and having accountability to reach your goals will be easier when you have support. It will help you get from “I can’t” to a resounding “I can… and will!”

Go out and spend some money on yourself and feel on top of the world because of it!

I’d love to hear your thoughts; drop me an email or feel free to share your insights and revelations below!

P.S. If you are still having a hard time and feel disorganized and frustrated with money, send me an email.  I have a wonderful new program that might be a good fit for you.  It will bring you financial freedom and inner worth by helping you remove any limits on your money story.  Just put in the subject line:  I want financial freedom!

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , ,