Do you take your business personally?

June 11, 2014 By

woman at desk cryingDo you take your business personally? It’s an honest question. Most people say “It’s business, don’t take it personally.” But really, is that possible? I don’t think so. I think business is personal. Let’s face it, we are people. We are people who have lives, who love and care for others. As humans we are compassionate, thoughtful and we have feelings. So how can we take the feelings out of business? We can’t. We can, however, take the negativity out of it.

What do I mean by take the negativity out of it? A lot of business owners take ‘no’ personally. Let’s take a look at a service-based business such as a coach, personal trainer, massage therapist or even a virtual assistant. In these businesses it is customary to make offers to prospects to come and benefit from our services. Yet, when we hear ‘no’, we can take it to mean that the prospect is saying ‘no’ to us personally, when in fact it is to the services we provide.

I call this type of behavior victim behavior. It means that when we are told ‘no’, we feel as if we have been rejected and then we go down the “I’m not good enough” path… which never leads to anything positive. That is what I mean when I say take the negativity out of it. YOU are good enough. When you go into victim-mode your energy dwindles, you have less drive to get things done, and you certainly don’t feel like making another offer because — gosh forbid — if that person says ‘no’ too, you just won’t be able to deal with it.

Yes, we do take our businesses personally. I have been there. I have felt down and out when someone has said ‘no’ to me. I have felt like maybe I’m not good at this and who would want to work with me anyway. It wasn’t until I realized that I was being a victim and I was taking ‘no’ personally. What they were saying ‘no’ to, in reality, is themselves. They are saying no to their growth, their potential and their happiness.

Here is a secret: usually when someone who is a good fit for you says no, it is because they aren’t feeling as if they are good enough. They may be feeling they won’t get the great results you are telling them they can have. They may feel it will be too hard (another negative and certainly an excuse) and they won’t be able to live up to your expectations… or even their own.

Just so you know; many people use money as an excuse and truly sometimes it is a valid reason. However, if they have looked you up and asked to talk to you, chances are it is time for them to move forward and they may be fearful and in the victim mentality.

Thus, here are several “rules” to remember so that you don’t take ‘no’ personally in your business:

  • Rule #1: You are good enough, right here and right now!
  • Rule #2: You have what it takes to be powerful in every situation.
  • Rule #3: You are not your business – if someone says no, it isn’t ‘no’ personally.
  • Rule #4: Keep a list of the things that you excel at, and if you do take a ‘no’ personally pull those out and read them.
  • Rule #5: Remember Rule #1

Everyone feels as if they might not live up to expectations and therefore they might not even try. Whenever you hear a ‘no’, try to keep in mind also that it is a no now but not forever. I know I’m not the only one who has had a potential client say no and then come to me at another point in time and said yes. Oftentimes people need to think on things and to process it. Yes, sometimes they need to feel the pain of the struggle a little longer before they can say yes to themselves… which, remember, is who they ultimately are saying yes to.

A wise mentor once said to me, “You take yourself everywhere, so why not take the best of yourself each time, leaving behind the possibility to take things personally because it never serves you well.”

If you are a business owner who has taken ‘no’ personally — or even someone who has said ‘no’ to services only to change your mind or realize that you needed to say yes to yourself — I’d love to hear your experiences! Please feel free to email personally at kim@kimravida.com or better yet, share below, so that the rest of us can learn and grow!

Filed Under: Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Are you going backward more than you are going forward?

February 27, 2014 By

hopscotch I am back here at square one!  Now, just how did that happen?  I thought I was going forward until I realized I was doing it again.  All the stuff that I do that holds me back or puts me back at the beginning.  It’s frustrating, aggravating and downright depressing.

So what happened this time?  Well, I realized that the old gremlin reared its ugly head again. I faced it before and won so… why is it coming back again?

Have you had this problem before?

I get really upset when the gremlin shows up and this time decided to do something about it.  It took courage for me to do this but I decided to face it — and I mean stare it in the face!

I asked my gremlin; “Just why are you here now?” and the conversation went something like this:

Gremlin:  I’m here to keep you safe and protect you.

Me:  Great, thank you but safe and protect me from what?

Gremlin:  From getting hurt.

Me:  Ok, I understand but what is going to hurt me?

Gremlin:  Everything.

Me:  Ok, I get it that you’re worried, but if you are keeping me safe and protecting me from getting hurt by everything, how am I supposed to live my life?

Gremlin:  Oh, well I didn’t think of that.  But it doesn’t matter because I still don’t think you are good enough anyway so why bother?

See, the gremlin is the part of us that has the doubts, the fears and the concerns.  Only ‘playing it safe’ doesn’t get us anywhere.  I was tired of never taking any chances!  I was willing to step up and out of my comfort zone because I knew the reward would be oh so great… and it is!

Let’s get back to the gremlin.  Once you know what the gremlin is protecting you from, you become aware of what is holding you back.  Then you can use your gremlin to provide the strength to move forward!  In my case I asked myself “How true is it that I’m not good enough to make money in my business, get clients, live healthy, and have great relationships?”  And I soon saw that none of it was true at all… and courage showed up!  I turned that gremlin into my motivator to take chances to be confident and bold in my life and got such great results.

Let’s go back (yes, pun intended) to you.  Are you going backward more than you are going forward?

Here are a few tips to help you face your gremlin:

  • Stop being so emotional.  When we are in our emotional thinking it is hard to see our options.  We only see fear, what ifs, and negative outcomes.
  • Start using your logical thinking.  Using your logical thinking, you can ask questions like:  “What am I afraid of?”  “What really could happen?”  “What do I know about myself that will help me take a step forward?”
  • Look at the bigger picture.  There is always more going on than we can see.  If you take a step back (this is when it’s good to step backward) and say “Ok, what exactly is going on here?”  Look at the emotional side and the logical side of your situation so you can see it with different perspectives.

Remember, examining from more than one angle often takes out the fears, the worries, and the doubts… and opens up a new view of what is really ahead of you.  If your two options are not being good enough or being even greater than you imagine, which will you choose?

I’d love to hear your comments and how you have overcome your own personal gremlin.  Please post your thoughts below!

Filed Under: Reaching Goals, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

What Do I Do?

September 25, 2013 By

What do I do?I get asked this a lot!  I get it from my business clients and from my fitness clients – and it is usually after someone has said yes to something but now wants to say no. They feel that they can’t change their mind and ask me “Ya, but what do I do?”  I know, it’s a real loop, isn’t it?

It is important to understand and realize that just because we said yes in the first place does not mean that we can never go back and say no.  We agree to do things for many reasons which are usually valid at the time when we say yes.  However then often we have time to think about it and realize a no would have been the best choice.  We genuinely want to help so it’s uncomfortable because we don’t want to disappoint or not be a team player.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times we want to change our mind because we are afraid or are out of our comfort zone and think we can’t do something.  That is not what I am talking about.  I’m talking about things we have said yes to that take us away from our desired outcomes or goals.  Like a client who signed up for a weekly networking meeting and later realized that it was taking her away from running her business and impacting when she could see her clients.  This ultimately led to impacting her money-making abilities so she needed to say no after saying yes.

Where in your life do you need to say no after you have said yes?  Trust me; it isn’t as scary as your gremlin is making it out to be.  We aren’t talking about being mean.  We are all entitled to change our minds and we do not need to offer a great detailed explanation as to why.

You probably think if you say no then:

  • people won’t like you
  • you’ll let others down and they’ll be disappointed in you
  • you’ll look like a failure or worse, you’ll feel like a failure

I am here to tell you that the above are not true!

What is really happening is that you are telling yourself a story about what you think will happen.  You’re talking yourself out of doing what is best for you.  If you aren’t true to yourself, what will happen is that you end up full of resentment, frustration and—even worse—anger at both yourself and the other person.  Let me ask you, do you think this is a good thing?  No, of course it isn’t and you know that.  Which is why you have such an internal tug-o-war; your inner guidance knows it needs to say no and your ego is saying that you can’t.

Saying no authentically and with compassion for both yourself and the other person is the only way to honor yourself. 

I remember the first time I said no after saying yes.  Was I nervous and afraid?  You bet I was.  However, it felt so good that I spoke up for myself and for what I wanted and needed!  Did the world end?  Of course it did not, and it won’t when you do it.

Is there something or someone that you said yes to that now you want to say no?  I encourage you to speak up confidently and say “I know that I said I would do xyz, but I realize that I won’t be able to.”  Sometimes you may be able to make a recommendation or suggestion for a replacement, and if you are by all means please do; just don’t do that in order to take the pressure off of you.  Come from a true place of self-empowerment and you will always feel good about yourself. 

Also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , , , ,