Do you know when is when?

June 16, 2016 By

I had two conversations recently that gave me food for thought.  One day a friend said to me “I can’t help myself, I keep taking things on and it’s stressing me out.”  Then right after that, a client said “I have a hard time saying ‘no’ to everything and I’m totally stressed.”

My first thought was “Oh good, I’m not alone!” because I do the same thing.  My second thought was “Oh dear, there are others who don’t know when to say ‘when’, too.”  So I have decided to share my story with you so that if you are challenged by taking on too much too, maybe you’ll take something away from my experience to make your life better.

I have this habit of pushing myself a little too far. It shows up in ways like (and you may have the same issues):

  • putting too many to dos on my to do list
  • taking too many business-building classes
  • saying yes way too many times

When I do this I’m always in a mode of rushing around trying to get things done.  Of course, because there is too much to get done nothing ever feels like it’s coming to an end.

I recently finished learning how to be better at social media, but wanted to learn Instagram, so I signed up for a class for that. Then I saw an ad for a class to grow my email list and that is of interest to me as well, so I signed up.  Next I stumbled across an Ed2Go class for online businesses and thought this course would fill in the missing pieces that I felt I needed – so yes, I signed on for that one, too.

Now three classes isn’t really a lot (or so I think, you may think otherwise; it’s all in the perception) but that’s if you haven’t another thing you are doing … and in my case that isn’t so.

I run two businesses — my coaching business and my fitness business.  Plus, I am part of a group coaching program (where, yes, I’m learning in that as well) and I’m also in a private program that has group components, too.  So honestly, adding on even one of the classes above (and if I’m really being honest all of them) wasn’t in my best interest.

Can you guess what happened to me? If you guessed that I had stressed myself out beyond measure, you would be correct. Now let me tell you that it’s a negative self-sabotaging pattern that leads me to defeat not victory.

Can you relate?

I’m ambitious, I like to get things done, and I like to be constantly moving forward.  Yet what I’ve done with this pattern is make myself come screeching to a halt.

And that’s when I realized that I need to know when is when – when enough is enough, when too much is too much.  So I have decided that once all of these courses are complete, the new boundary for myself is to only take ONE course and be enrolled in ONE program at a time.

Truth be told, I don’t know how I’ll do with that (I’ll let you know though), because it’s such a different behavior and way of being for me.  However, I’m game to see how my life changes because of it!  

I wanted to share my story so that you can see you aren’t alone and you can do something about it.  Stay tuned to next month’s article where I’ll give you several tips to break your patterns and start recognizing when is when.

Your turn!  Hop on over to https://www.fb.com/KimRavidaCoaching/ and share your experience, what you have done to overcome the do-itis or what you’d like to know about recognizing when is when.

And of course, if you’d like to keep it private you are welcome to email me personally at kim@kimravida.com to share.

Filed Under: Business Mastery, Empowerment, Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , ,

Do you get into CRAP?

November 19, 2015 By

Thinking, tired or ill with headache business womanI’m curious. Do you get into a lot of CRAP? And what about experiencing The “BIG O”?

If you’re thinking right now “Has she lost it?” you can relax, they aren’t what you think. If you were thinking, “Holy cow, this is going to be interesting!”… you’re right. Keep reading.

As I see it, the BIG O for business owners is Overwhelm. Overwhelm causes a lot of stress, struggle and frustration; “a lot of tears and fears” as my mentor is known to say.

I’ve been there. I’ve had a lot of tears and a lot of fears and it was usually when it came to making money in my business. I didn’t know how or what to do and I shed a lot of tears trying to figure it out.

A lot of small business owners and entrepreneurs have the same problem. Sadly they often aren’t able to solve it for themselves. The BIG O leads to tears and fears, which leads to more BIG O, which then leads to what I call a lot of CRAP in business and in life. The BIG O, as you can see, leads to a lot of not-so-good things!

Now, when I say CRAP, this is exactly what I mean:

• Chaos

• Resistance

• Anxiety

• Procrastination

And when you are experiencing a whole lot of CRAP, it generally leads you to NOTHING — as in no clients, no money, no peace of mind, no freedom and certainly no happiness and joy!

One way to eliminate the BIG O, and therefore get out of CRAP, is to get very clear on what it is you are doing.

Instead, you want to get into creating what I like to call Business Mastery where you truly are the master of your business, you are moving along at a comfortable pace, getting things done and seeing amazing results.

Here are several things for you to get clear on:

• What is your big why?

• Why are you in business?

• What is your business’s purpose?

• What is the impact that you want to make with your business?

This knowledge is key to getting yourself out of overwhelm and into Business Mastery. You’ve heard the saying (you’ve probably heard me say it too) “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.” When you have a crystal clear view of what you want, you will be able to identify with it, and from there you’ll be able to make it happen. Think about this: what you identify with, you become.

So why not identify with being masterful at business? Have a clear understanding of what you need to do to reach your goals of creating the business you want — one that makes great money!

If you haven’t answered the questions above, take 30 minutes to give it some thought.

Now, if you would like to have some help, I have an amazing opportunity open for you. It’s my 2016 Prosperous Business Mastery Group Mastermind Program. Click here for more information or feel free to reach out to me to set up a time to talk.

Filed Under: Business Mastery Tagged With: , , , , ,

I certainly do not want my destiny to be Overwhelm!

December 4, 2014 By

DestinyOverwhelm was taking over my life.  I felt more and more stressed out and it was bordering on anxiety.  I knew that something different had to happen and it needed to be something drastic.   I knew I needed to make a change and I wanted it to make a positive impact on my life.   

Each time I thought about ‘overwhelm’ I became even more overwhelmed and it wasn’t getting me anywhere.  So that is why decided to take the word out of my vocabulary.  I knew if I stopped saying it, I wouldn’t feel it.  You might be thinking “How does that make any sense?”  Well, I believe that our thoughts create our actions which create our destiny, and ultimately then our thoughts create our destiny.  I certainly do not want my destiny to be overwhelm.  I know what I want my destiny to be, I know what I want to feel, I know what I want to have in my life… and it isn’t overwhelm!

Therefore, by taking it out, I no longer invited it in.  Often though when something comes out something else replaces it, and unless you are very clear about what you want to come in, it is usually something equally negative.  As I was thinking about what I wanted to change, I thought about what I wanted instead.  In my business I wanted peace of mind, ease of execution, and to feel calm.  I wanted to feel productive and happy with what I got done during my day.  Since working in my business was where I felt the most overwhelm, I started there.

It was amazing what happened once I stopped saying it.  Yes, it did take me some time to get out of that habit of just having “I’m so overwhelmed!” pop out of my mouth.  I had to create a reminder for myself.  So I wrote down on a piece of paper what I wanted to feel instead:  Peace of Mind, Ease of Execution and Feel Calm.  I put it where I could see it every day.  Once I began to tap into the feelings I wanted, it began to feel easy and best of all I was able to remove “that word” from my vocabulary because I didn’t need it anymore!  Each day I feel more and more at ease, have peace of mind and it’s a beautiful thing to feel calm regularly.

Now, my guess is that you don’t want to live your life in overwhelm either.  Decide what aspect of your life has the most of ‘it’ and make a conscious decision about how you want to feel instead.  Remember to write it down and keep it close to you.  Read it daily so you’ll be reminded why you set out to make this change.  Then watch what happens in your life!

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , , , ,

Stress: It’s got to go!

August 14, 2014 By

To-Do List Everything Dry Erase Board Overworked StressI used to run around saying I’m so stressed out and I’m so overwhelmed. It felt terrible and I couldn’t seem to get anything done. This stemmed from my working for others as an employee for years and then I carried it over to when I began my own business. I suffered from headaches and anxiety, and I always had something happen to get in the way of what I was trying to accomplish. At work it was the computer crashed or the printer jammed. If I was driving, I hit every single red light there was and, of course, got behind the slowest driver. It was downright frustrating and annoying yet it was the way I lived my life.

One day I realized that I needed to make a change. I wasn’t really paying attention to what I was doing and nearly rear-ended the driver in front of me. I was a danger to not only myself but to those around me! I was mad at myself because this was not how I wanted to show up in my life.

And on the home front, my husband would often say “you are a mess” and he was right. I didn’t like when he said it and that was because I knew it was true. I had bruises from walking into things; the corner of the desk, the door frames, and things that just jumped out in front of me. Well, okay, so they didn’t really just jump out – I wasn’t paying attention and of course I ran into them. Doing so slowed me down… so again another example of things happening to me.
Okay, so what did I do? I decided that I needed to be present in my life because I was missing out on so much. I was always racing around from thing to thing trying to get stuff done. Some important and some not so important, but because I put it off it was usually urgent that I get it done.

It’s what transpired for me that I’d love to share with you. Here are a few steps that immediately took the edge off the anxiety and frustration I was feeling and they were easy to do. See, I knew that I needed it to be easy because, heck, I had things to do and it couldn’t be hard or else I’d feel stressed doing them. And since I was out to change that, I wanted it to be do-able.

  • I decided what I wanted to feel. I did not like feeling stressed – which meant that I felt tight, my breathing was short and my shoulders were always hunched. I thought about how do I want to feel? It was relaxed. And how to do that was to just envision feeling it at first.
  • I took 5 minutes to do nothing – and at first it was so hard. I was antsy and couldn’t sit still. So in order to actually accomplish this I told myself I would read 5 minutes of the book that I was reading at the time. I enjoyed this so much, I ended up setting the time for 30 minutes and it was the best 30 minutes of my day because it gave me that peace of mind I needed. I eventually ended up being able to sit still and quiet for 5 minutes.
  • I took things off my list of things to do. This was the hardest part yet it was the most beneficial. I’m a self-proclaimed over-achiever and put a lot on my to-do list yet I wasn’t getting to nearly half of them. So I started with the 2-3 most important things on my list and if I got those done I could do another and so on. This not only set me up to win and feel productive, but it gave me more time – which when I was under so much stress and overwhelm I never had. The outcomes were amazing and I felt so much better.

Just putting these three tips into place made my life and my business so much easier. I was no longer ‘a mess’ internally and externally, I was productive and calm. I had peace of mind and I felt so much joy and happiness. Ahhh it was — and still is — just the way I decided I wanted to feel.

Filed Under: Personal Development, Self Worth Tagged With: , , , ,

Three Steps to Chill Out and Be Present

November 27, 2013 By

spilled coffeeThere are so many things we have to… and need to do… and want to do… that it is easy to jam pack our to-do list, our schedule and our life with busy-work.  BUT it is necessary to do so?  You may be saying “Yes, of course it is.  How else am I going to get things done?”  Well, that depends on what you have to get done.

If you are a do-er and an action-taker—and dare I say ‘perfectionist’—it is very easy to get caught up in the doing of it all.  But where does living your life like you want it fit in?  It really doesn’t because you are so busy being in the future about what you have to get done and feel you should be doing that you forget to live in the here and now.

My dad had a saying, well he actually had two that are relevant to share with you: “One day at a time” and “One thing at a time”.  He was good at saying “I’ll be with you in a moment, right now I’m finishing this.”  Meanwhile my mother and I are racing around doing (and not finishing) ten things to his finished one.  I know for sure, by my own experience and those of my friends and clients, that when your attention is not in one place, neither are you.   You simply cannot give whatever you are doing justice if you are not fully present.

Have you ever spilled a beverage, dropped something, banged into the corner of your desk, or stubbed your toe while you were trying to do something else?  That’s being in the future (or the past).  And oh yes, the spilled beverage on your carpet, the shattered screen on your dropped smart phone or the stubbed toe absolutely brings you into the present in a very fast way!  It’s a rude reminder that you need to slow down, take a breath and maybe take a break.

I had a client who woke up one morning, got out her cereal bowl and her juice glass, and before she realized what she was doing the bowl was full of cider.  She was upset and beating herself up over this.  It actually threw off her entire day and when I asked her what was going on the moment before she poured the cider, she said she was thinking about her day and all that she had to do and what she wasn’t going to finish.  And so there you have it:  when we are not present, we can’t fully be mindful of what we are doing.

Would you like to experience fewer mishaps and mistakes throughout your day?  Do you want to accomplish things and have them done right the first time?  Be with yourself and not 10 steps ahead.

Here are three quick and easy ways for you to check in with how you feel and be more mindful and present in the moment:

  • Take a breath.  Do you feel frazzled?  Simply stop moving.  Sit or stand still and breathe in to the count of 5 (slowly), then hold for a count of 2 and let your breath out for a count of 5, pausing for another count of 2.  Try it right now – don’t you feel better?
  • Look around you.  Are you jumpy and anxious?  Look at where you are and what’s near you.  Name what comes into your vision and give it a moment’s thought.  The dog, “Oh, he’s actually snoring in his sleep”; the knickknack you picked up on vacation and what a fun time you had; the clouds in the sky and the shape they appear to you.  Small distractions will settle your thoughts.
  • Change your view.  Do you need to get out of your office?  Do you need to go outside?  Sometimes stopping what you are doing and taking a break is essential to help you be more mindful.  Whatever it is, do it.  Just five minutes can do wonders for your focus.

Follow the above tips and you’ll be mindful and in the present moment in no time (without stubbing your toe).  You’ll be happier, more productive and relaxed too.  And the next time you feel on the edge…go ahead and try one or all of them all and let me know how it works out for you.  Also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Handling What Life Throws Your Way

November 13, 2013 By

Change ahead stampChange is inevitable – after all, nothing really stays the same.  But in today’s challenging times, it seems like we’re on “uncertainty” overload, never knowing what will happen from one moment to the next. Here today, gone tomorrow – or, at the least, very different tomorrow.

Uncertainty brings stress and confusion, and while most of us would be quick to say that we want less stress and more certainty in our lives, what we really want is less of a stress reaction to what life is throwing our way.

We can’t choose what happens to us – but we can choose our responses to the situations we encounter.  Let’s take a look at five different responses that people have to stressful situations. As you read through these five responses, you may want to think of a recent stressful event or news that you may have received, and see what your reaction to that event can teach you about how you habitually respond.  You may have one type of response at work, and another at home, or you may react differently depending on who else is involved.

  • The first, and unfortunately all too common response to stressful events is to suffer and be a victim to it. People who respond this way don’t take action. Things happen TO them – and though they may complain and be generally miserable about it, they don’t take any steps to do anything. They allow life to control them, instead of the other way around. This way of responding is certainly not recommended, and eventually, it will take its toll on one’s physical and mental health.
  • The second type of response is to accept the situation, and to get some perspective on it.  Someone with this response may say “so what,” or perhaps get some perspective on the situation by asking if it will it matter in a year – or a week – or even in a day.
  • The third way to respond is to actually take steps to change the situation – taking action to bring it to resolution (or at least move toward resolution). This is a very powerful response, and one that many effective leaders employ.
  • The fourth way to respond is to avoid the situation. People responding this way make a decision not to get involved in a situation that they don’t see as concerning them, or upon which they can’t make an impact. For example, someone may choose not to get involved in a dispute going on within their office if it doesn’t directly involve them.
  • The fifth and final way that people generally respond to stress is to alter the experience of the situation. When we look at a situation differently, the experience itself changes. Changing perceptions is probably the most challenging of the responses, because we tend to be stuck in our own interpretations and assumptions about what’s happening, but it is also perhaps the most powerful of all.

It’s your world, and you can create it as you wish. Remember, what one person sees as stressful, another person barely notices, or sees as exciting and full of opportunity. How are you going to choose today?

I’d love to hear how you respond to change or how you are going to now choose to respond.  Also, feel free to share your thoughts, insights and revelations below!

Filed Under: Personal Development Tagged With: , , , , ,